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Tom Hawkins

@nekomatic.bsky.social
684 followers 330 following 2.4K posts

Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.

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Reposted by Tom Hawkins
Dan North @dannorth.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I'm delighted to learn this, not least because the next item on my task list, which is to take my pet geese to see a well-known play by Samuel Beckett, is also a palindrome: "TO DO: Geese see Godot".
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Reposted by Tom Hawkins
Adrian Chills @adrianchills.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
#85: Drama
A screenshot of a Guardian headline by Adrian Chiles. It reads 'I have a new favourite medical drama - and now I want to have a nasty accident in Pittsburgh'.

(Alt-text for next image)
  The first of my Dramas took place ten years ago. Looking back now it was a very rudimentary piece barely worthy of the name, best remembered now as the progenitor of all my subsequent works. I was cycling home from work on a rainy Friday evening, my mind dull and slumberous from the crushing mundanity of my job, my future stretching out in front of me like the road - arrow straight, filled with traffic, a route that screamed monotony. As my front wheel hit a discarded beer bottle and I felt a momentary loss of control, an idea sparked to life within me like a flame being ignited; a way to break the tedium. 
The next piece of debris that appeared in the road - a broken-off shard of car fender - was something I aimed for rather than attempted to avoid. As I hit the piece and felt the bike shift beneath me, launching me into space, I caught a glimpse of a bus beside me, the open mouth of a young woman passenger seeing me begin to fall. My adrenalin spiked. For a moment I felt like the centre of the world.
Then I hit the road, bounced against the curb, narrowly avoided having my head be crushed by the back wheels of the same bus. As I lay there, staring up at the concerned faces looking down at me, with the sound of the ambulance in the distance, I felt more joy than I had in a decade. I had found my calling.
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It took three months to recover - two broken ribs and a badly bruised hip - but I spent that time planning my next Drama. I wanted somewhere picturesque, somewhere crowded, somewhere that would add to the mise en scene I was creating. Finally I settled on Paris. 
It was near the Arc de Triomphe that I set my stage. Mindful of the danger - I have no death wish - I carefully bided my time before steering my bicycle into the path of a battered old Renault 6 - chosen for its nostalgia value - and found myself catapulted through the crisp Paris air to land on the tarmac. Mid-somersault I glimpsed the shocked face of a man and his dachshund observing me, and felt that familiar tingle of pleasure.
Since then, I have staged dramas across Europe. Prague, Berlin, Barcelona, Budapest, Stockholm, Turin, Brussels. Each location chosen for both their aesthetic appeal and the high rating of their nearest hospitals (quick and effective treatment is key to a swift recovery - and I have so many other places where I wish to perform.)
As an experienced artist, I try to vary the site of injury, taking inspiration from accidents I am able to view online (TikTok is very good for this). I know I can’t go on forever, but I still have some ambition.
To this end, I am planning my greatest Drama - a head-on collision outside the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh. (I’m assured by reviews online that Pennsylvania hospitals are excellent with head trauma.)
I can’t wait to be launched into the air once more, feel the thrill of seeing those faces as I fall.
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Feels like this is one more step on the long road back towards having a state (in the broad sense) that actually. fucking. works. I think the symbolism of that sort of thing has an underestimated potential for unlocking further possibilities.
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Sean Jones KC @seanjones.org · 29/09/2026
The rush to speculate that asylum seekers are responsible for every crime in the news is a sort of opportunistic informational terrorism. Until it’s disproved it stokes fear and hatred. When it is disproved there are no adverse consequences and they know that they only have to be lucky once.
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Ian Duhig @ianduhig.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Itō Jakuchū's 'Frog' of 1790 for me is the iconic image of numbed uncomfortable bafflement at the predicament of existence in the coming modern world, much as Munch's 'Scream' expressed it through horror.
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Katy Armstrong @katyarmstrong.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
🚨Entry level developer and delivery manager jobs in Manchester! mhclgdigital.blog.gov.uk/2026/09/28/w...
mhclgdigital.blog.gov.uk
We’re hiring in Manchester: build your career with us in software development or delivery management
Are you a junior professional looking for a career opportunity where you’ll be supported to learn, develop and progress fast? Join our digital teams as Junior Developer and Associate Delivery Manager ...
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The New World @thenewworldmag.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
We started The New World in 2016 as a four-issue pop-up paper. Ten years later, we're about to publish our 500th edition. 🚨 So we're opening everything up until 30 September. No paywall. No catch. 🔗 See what all the fuss is about: buff.ly/OgU0K9b
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Ryan @ryanwright.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
This is how I remember the order of Henry VIII’s wives.
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James Calbraith @jamescalbraith.co.uk · 27/09/2026
For one moment I'd like a British mainstream politician to consider foreigners are human beings too.
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
trapped send help
my chest, in a blue t-shirt, under a black and white cat
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Once I interviewed a guy who brought one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon. I hired him but he immediately used his 2 weeks of PTO.
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Emma Monk @monkemma.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
🧵 As front-page headlines go, this has to be one of the most misleading I've seen in a long time It's an out-and-out lie But notice the trick they use to get away with it...👀 *They're* not lying - they're just quoting someone else who is👍🏻 In this case, the leader of the opposition🙄 1/33
Daily Express headline:

"More Freedoms Handed to New Arrivals than British Citizens"

Above an image of Kemi Badenoch

All with a Monk Debunked stamp on top
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e (they/them) @certificates.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
dear lay people, journalists, and tech fantasists: i need you to understand that software runs on computers. "AI" is software, running on computers. it's all just instruction sets and operators and networks, they haven't starting weaving gold from straw.
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
So, Bad Apples then. A film I am very happy I saw, but absolutely did not enjoy watching.
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Adrian Chills @adrianchills.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
#84: Chard
A screengrab of a headline to a Guardian column by Adrian Chiles. It reads "I'm an avid fan of chard - but you can have too much of a good thing"

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We had been four weeks in the Downlands, myself and Brom. Four weeks on foot through valleys and dales, cross meandering streams and fast-running rivers; four weeks living off the few small creatures that Brom managed to catch - barely enough to keep a dog alive, let alone a dog and man. Thankfully, we had encountered no further Remnants, but we had seen no other Living either and I had begun to think that we two might be the last left alive in this region.
Finally, at the point where hunger had begun to feel like an ever-present companion for us both, we came across a small cottage by a wood. Deserted, near derelict inside, it held little prospect as a camp until I pushed aside the cracked back door and found myself looking at a wondrously overgrown vegetable garden. Chard leaves, almost reaching to my own height, filled the wide beds, and I, desperate for something other than toasted squirrel meat - and simultaneously heedless of the suspicious twitchings of Brom’s wet nose - grabbed handfuls of the stuff and began eating.
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The taste was glorious - earthy, full, with a tinge of bitterness - everything my deprived body had craved. And the supply appeared boundless. Despite Brom’s clear reservations, I decided to make the cottage our temporary home.
The years of wandering through The Scorched Country and The Flesheries - all that Brom and I had seen, and fled from and fought - should have given me more pause, I know that now, especially considering what horrors we had encountered, all spawned from The Great Blast. But the taste - ah, the taste of those leaves was so beguiling, so moreish…
Over the course of a week, during which I ate only the leaves - with poor Brom left to scavenge for whatever small prey he could find in our vicinity - I found myself becoming increasingly torpid and indolent. My skin took on a glistening appearance, as though sticky wet. At the same time I found my limbs growing weak, almost seeming to recede back into my body. I began to wonder who had made this garden, and where they were now?
Then one night the answer came. Crawling out into the garden almost on my belly, desperate for another leaf or two, I spied through the thick stems, a pair of stalked eyes staring back at me. Parting the stems with my wizened hand I saw him - what once had been a man, now something other; a creature resembling some kind of slug-human hybrid. His lipless, wet mouth opened in soundless greeting. I went to reply and found my own voice vanished.
Then teeth grabbed my trousers and I felt myself getting pulled away, back through the house, out through the front door, back through fields away from the cottage - away to safety.
With a weak hand I scritched Brom’s head. My saviour. My friend.
“Good boy,” I said, my voice now returning, “Good, good boy.”
Brom’s eyes spoke of love. And not a little reproach.
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Helen Day @lbflyawayhome.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
‘The Coal Hopper’ In the Train, 1955 Artist: WC Watson
A green steam locomotive stands under a gigantic coal hopper as the coal truck is refilled 
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Bart⚓️ @bartgonnissen.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The Facial Expressions of Tethys by artist Julius von Bismarck. A suspended high-sea buoy that moves in real time. Sensors on a twin buoy out in the Atlantic Ocean send live satellite data to motors inside the museum. This makes the indoor buoy copy the exact, real-time movements of the ocean waves.
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Jude Rogers @juderogers.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
"Last night on ITVX, a boy brought up on a rural Yorkshire farm who became a nuclear fusion scientist spoke about his life, three days before his death." After the last episode of 70 Up, I woke up today with a fire in my belly desperate to review it and write about it...
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Present & Correct @presentcorrect.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Typology of Pedestrian Walking Symbols walking-men.com/product/hood... Via @kottke.org
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Andre the Chemist @andrechemist.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
It's a shame no chemist ever came up with the idea to say "I'm working on something that might kill all of humanity, so please give me several billion dollars so I can stop myself" That feels like something that should've been right up our alley
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Crime Girl @crimegirl.co.uk · 21/09/2026
It’s back to school and for lots of parents it’s the first time you are not receiving updates on what your child is doing all day and you want to know, but when you ask your child they have amnesia and tell you they did “nothing” all day.
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
OMG actual rising bollard action outside the office today. A sump-cracker! @worldbollardassoc.bsky.social
A man in overalls stands in front of a truck with its front bumper utterly destroyed and a dented but unbowed rising bollard which has stopped it. The bollard and the roadway are covered in black engine oil.
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Steve Peers @stevepeers.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
"Uncontrolled" immigration is just so untruthful, it's beyond tiresome
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Brent Toderian @brenttoderian.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
“Why do BMW and Audi owners often seem to drive like idiots? Is it the car that makes them behave aggressively behind the wheel, or are specific types of people drawn to such cars as well being more likely to break traffic regulations? Research at the University of Helsinki provides some answers.”
helsinki.fi
The fast and the furious: Research shows that owners of high-status cars are on a collision course with traffic | University of Helsinki
Why do BMW and Audi owners often seem to drive like idiots? Is it the car that makes them behave aggressively behind the wheel, or are specific types of people drawn to such cars as well being more li...
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Dreams of having to conduct an orchestra, for which I was under-prepared.
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Ewan Gibbs @ewangibbs.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
It’s unimaginable that a union leader would be given the sort of platform Ratcliffe routinely is. That’s revealing of the politics of class and power in 2020s Britain.
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Nothings Monstered @nothingsmonstrd.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
It's an apotropaic gesture — but it's not that I think that saluting a dryad will ward off bad luck. I knock on wood in the hope that self-consciously indulging irrationality will ward off the danger of overrating my own rationality.
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Mags L Halliday @magslhalliday.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Every year on 19 December, the famous Christmas lights at Mousehole in Cornwall are dimmed between 8 and 9pm, leaving just the Cross and Angels shining down across the village and out to sea.
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Adrian Chills @adrianchills.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
#82: Location-tracking
A screenshot of a headline to a Guardian column by Adrian Chiles. It reads 'Location-tracking apps have turned me into a gibbering wreck - but I just can't look away'


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The silence is the worst part. When the dust storms abate and the metal shields which form the walls of our base camp stop resounding with the pock pock pock of wind-blown gravel, all that is left is the quiet hum of the life support system. That, and the sound of my own fevered breaths.
I’ve long given up hope of anyone responding to my distress signal; this planet is too far from the trade paths, not even named on our star-maps.The chances of someone coming to my rescue are infinitesimal at best. If any of the others were still here, we could perhaps together have sought a way to repair our ship, but alone it’s hopeless; I’m no engineer.
(Continued on next image)(Continued from previous alt-text)
So I sit and wait, and listen to the silence. And watch the screens in front of me.
And gibber with terror at what they show.
When we first crash-landed here, thirty-eight cycles ago, we were a crew of four; myself, Landon, Contreras and Masur. We thought the planet uninhabited - the rocky terrain and lack of plant life seemed to indicate a dead world, or at least one that was inimical to sustaining life.
How wrong we were. Seventy-two hours after landing, while Landon worked on attempting to repair our propulsion system, we heard for the first time the sound of movement outside our base camp; scuttling sounds, as though from many legs moving quickly across the rough ground. Then a scream.
Landon.
Visibility is poor on the planet - the nights are weeks long, and the atmosphere above so thick as to block any light from the surrounding moons - so we could not see what was happening to him, even as his cries grew further and further away.
I ran to my screen, saw his location indicator - the signal, as for all of us, broadcast from the tiny bio-chip implanted in his skull - moving rapidly towards a nearby cave formation.
Contreras and Masur acted fast. Instructing me to wait behind, they took their weapons and headed out into the darkness.
I never saw them again. Their location indicators however, kept moving, out there in the night.
When eventually I ventured from the base camp, I found only horror. Landon’s legs, ripped off and scattered in the dust. The whole lower part of Masur’s torso nearby. Of Contreras there was only a ragged, torn foot.
But still, on the screen, they moved.

I watch them even now, for hours at a time. It’s almost a compulsion. I know they are out there, the remnants of Landon, Contreras and Masur, carried by legs that scuttle on the earth, circling the camp, waiting for just this silence.
I will watch them as they come for me. I won’t be able to look away.
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felt smart, might delete later @outeast.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Great to see @eurcorrespond.bsky.social covering @jonworth.eu's longest train journey project. europeancorrespondent.com/en/r/from-fi...
europeancorrespondent.com
From Finland to Portugal by train in just 125 hours
Last week, Jon Worth, a railway activist who advocates for better cross-border train travel across Europe, completed the longest train journey in the EU – from…
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James Harvey @keepof4worlds.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I’m always so tempted in these situations not to remonstrate with the offender, but to join in the conversation. “Wow it sounds like Liz is really ill! Is she going to make it??”
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Michael Daly @michaeldaly64.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
"I am but skin & bones..."
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UK Prime Minister, Some Say Sinister @joemuggs.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
OK but hear me out. I got massively into HHG as a kid, listened to OG radio series endlessly, and as I've got older the realisation dawned that the entire thing is a howl - a genteel, articulate howl, but a howl nonetheless - of nihilistic despair. Adams DID doubt both machine and human sentience.
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Zach Weinersmith @zachweinersmith.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Lukewarm take: I feel a lot of pessimism about the present is built on not realizing just how bad the past was. Like if you just read a book about poverty in a first-world country in the 1950s it's staggeringly worse than now.
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Jennie Kermode @jenniekermode.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
To fight fascism we need to remember the most neglected commandment of Bill and Ted. Don't just be excellent to each other. Have a good time all of the time.
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Jon Worth @jonworth.eu · 12/09/2026
DONE #LongestTrainEU
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David Ho @davidho.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
If you work at an oil major, I urge you to think hard about what the next decade will feel like. Do you want to greenlight another decades-long extraction project without reckoning with its full climate cost? Or use this moment to demand a different path?
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Dan Neidle @danneidle.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Yes yes, of course the hospitality lobby says the tourist tax will hammer tourism. Of course they've come up with huge, scary numbers (which we can't verify). But the thing is, they're right. The tax *will* reduce tourism. The question is: how much? So we tried to find out:
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Is It A Bike Lane? @isitabikelane.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Calling all London cyclists! Kensington High St consultation closes this weekend. Please respond and ask for a fully segregated cycle lane. Current proposals are welcome but mostly superficial and include nothing for cyclists: consult.rbkc.gov.uk/communities/...
consult.rbkc.gov.uk
Draft Kensington High Street Local Action Plan - Kensington and Chelsea's Consultation and Engagement Hub - Citizen Space
Find and participate in consultations run by Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea
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Adrian Chills @adrianchills.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
#81: Driverless
A screenshot of a headline to a Guardian column by Adrian Chiles. It reads "Driverless cars are taking us on a road to nowhere."

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It was just rotten bad luck, that was all. If I had been a little speedier in cracking Lady Hurlington’s jewellery safe then we may have been making our merry way back down the trellis when she and her brute of a husband returned from their late dinner. As it was, the Colonel caught us rather red-handed and it was only by the swiftness of my reactions that I avoided being run-through by the regimental sword he kept above the fireplace. Poor ‘Blinky’ Blenkinsop, my companion in crime, was not so lucky; the Colonel pierced him right in the breadbasket, with a triumphant cry of ‘Take that, you bounder!’ The pompous oaf’s celebration did however give me the moment’s grace I needed to grab a heavy candlestick from the table and deliver a hefty blow to his muttonchops. While he clattered to the floor and her Ladyship fell into a faint, I managed to drag poor old Blinky down the stairs and out the front door - straight into the midst of the thickest fog London had ever seen.
Blinky was bleeding heavily, claret colouring both his evening dress and mine. Behind us I could hear shouting voices and the whistle of a bobby. I knew I had to act fast.
A black shape drew up beside me. A taxicab. Without thinking, I opened the door and thrust poor Blinky in, then tapped on the cab window. “Piccadilly, driver, and don’t spare the horses”. Before I was even inside the taxicab’s door we were moving.
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Spared from the immediate attentions of the constabulary, I set about attending to Blinky. Using my silk scarf, I attempted to plug the wound in his belly. He groaned loudly at my touch.
“Hush now, Blinky,” I told him, “We’ll have you fixed up in no time.”
He just shook his head.
“No,” he moaned, “Deserve all that’s coming. Time to pay the piper.”
“What rot!” I scoffed, “The piper can go hang.” But I knew what he meant.
Our last job, robbing a diamond merchant’s in Hatton Garden had gone badly; a night watchman had surprised us and I, thinking only of our survival, had delivered him a terrible blow to his skull, one from which he had subsequently perished. I know that this was preying on poor Blinky’s mind.
“Be quiet now,” I said to him, “save your strength.”
While he rested, I peered through the taxicab’s window but could see nothing; mere shapes and shadows, insubstantial. At one point I sensed that we were moving over water, though I could think of no bridge that would take us to Piccadilly.
I leaned out of the window, tapped again on the cab.
“Driver?” There came no answer. Unnerved now, I stepped out onto the running plate - the road but a vague blur beneath me, almost like fog itself - and peered through the driver’s window.
No man sat at the wheel. We passengers, myself and Blinky, were the taxicab’s only occupants.
I lifted my head, looked out into the fog. We were no longer in London.
We were, it appeared to me, no longer anywhere at all.
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Nick Brown @steamtraen.eu · 11/09/2026
Speakers of languages other than English: What is the # key/symbol called in your language? (Please also mention the language). #️⃣#️⃣#️⃣#️⃣#️⃣
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
me: goes on LinkedIn, sees person X who used to run a committee I was on has made an arsehole anti-refugee comment, unconnects from them LinkedIn: … LinkedIn (emails): Hey, here’s a post by person X you might be interested in! LinkedIn (emails): Go on, have more stuff from person X! In your face!
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London is fine @londonisfine.co.uk · 11/09/2026
Little reminder that I’m still on the hunt for your (or your friends’ and followers’) answers about London at londonisfine.co.uk with the hope that somehow together we can make this sort of weirdness less likely. Reposts very much appreciated, ta x www.lbc.co.uk/article/dona...
lbc.co.uk
Third of people share Donald Trump’s belief that London has no-go areas | LBC
A survey of more than 2,000 UK adults found that 34 per cent of the public believe there are areas in London where Sharia law dominates and non-Muslims cannot enter
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Warrington Climate Emergency Commission @warringtoncec.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
📅 17 September | ⏰ 1pm-3pm 🎟️ Book your free place: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/enterprise... #CommunityEnergy #NetZero #ClimateAction #Cheshire #Warrington
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Steven Seggie @stevenhseggie.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
This tells us nothing useful except what it says. It cannot be used as a proxy for integration success or anything else. If you want to examine integration in this context you cannot use covariate free data (and yes I know I’m shouting into the void)
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Minx Marple @minxmarple.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Do I know anyone at a Scandinavian university — Who could advise me what ‘scientific publications/expertise’ is actually looking for in the context of fine art/artistic research?
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Martin McKee @martinmckee.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
It seems simple to me. The first duty of a government is to safeguard the lives of its people. If you die it makes no difference whether you are killed by Russians, poverty, or anyone/ anything else that can be prevented. Social security, like defence, is simply part of national resilience
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Adrian Chills @adrianchills.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
#80: Miserable
A screenshot of a headline to Guardian column by Adrian Chiles. It reads 'I've spent my whole life looking miserable. It's time for a change'.

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In retrospect, my choice of career - given the obvious disadvantages conferred on me by my countenance - may have been a mistake. Possessing a face that, through no fault of my own (and none owed to my parents either - a relatively cheerful pair - unless you count through the combining of their genetics) perpetually bears an expression memorably described to me by a colleague as ‘like a dropped meat pie’, I have long been used to people seeing me as a harbinger of gloom, a kind of avatar of bad news. A misery.
But medicine was always my dream, and I convinced myself that I could rise above the accident of my features and become a success. And so I did. After completing my initial training - during which I learned that approaching a patient with test results, no matter how positive in outlook, was never going to be my forte - I moved toward my specialism, surgery. Masked from the nose down, with only my hangdog eyes visible, I could at least feel somewhat like a normal person. Of course, consultations were always a little difficult - I would often require to have a colleague on hand to ensure my patient that the prognosis was actually positive - but generally I muddled through.
But as the years wore on, I longed for change, to be the kind of man who brought light into a room, rather than looming black clouds of rain. I had a solution in mind. But how to enact it?
(Continued in next alt text)(Continued from previous alt text)
Then I met Gary. New to the neighbourhood, he soon became a fixture at all social gatherings, due to his bright, natural smile, an outcrop of his inherent joie de vivre. He was everything I longed to be. Even when his cat, Eduardo, went missing, nothing could faze Gary. Though the eyes were sad, the smile was ever-present. He’ll turn up, it seemed to say, It’ll all be okay. (Meanwhile, Eduardo, who I had kidnapped precisely to stage this test, was befouling my basement with the most rancid excreta, not helping to soften my own sullen expression.)
What I had sought for so long was a donor. And so Gary was selected. 
It was then just the matter of putting together the team that would carry out the transplant to my precise instructions, and securing a surgical slot at a nearby private hospital. To a man of my standing, child’s play.
All I needed then was to devise some way of persuading Gary to go under the knife. Which was when luck finally found me.
At a recent cocktail party, Gary asked my advice about a (clearly benign) mole on his upper lip. I told him to visit me this evening for a consultation.
I don’t believe I will have any trouble in convincing him that the news, I’m afraid, is quite bad.
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Tom Hawkins @nekomatic.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Came to post the ‘where’s the Duo Dock’ gag but of course about five other people already have. Someone should totally make one though, right? With powered eject obvs. Bonus points for a working SCSI connector.
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Disappointed Optimist @disappoptimism.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
The number of small boat entries has dropped. Fact. There will always be refugees; this is a certainty. Fact. I don’t understand how the Enochian narrative of “waves of savages” hasn’t been stopped dead now. It’s laughable.
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