iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Crotch Goblin 3.0 got carjacked by a lad with no clothes on. Most likely a junkie. Mad times we're living in.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

No but in all seriousness, if Richard gets banished I will burn this shithole to the ground with everyone in it.

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Shahan Miah @shahanshahan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I've just declared myself as a traitor by mistake #CelebrityTraitors #TheCelebrityTraitors

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Matt Massarella-Gill @3788mg.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

*Ross Kemp everytime somebody says hello to him #CelebrityTraitors

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

It's literally October next week. It should not "feel like" 24 degrees on the north east coast.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Someone on Instagram just unironically/completely sincerely said Toploader's 'Dancing in the Moonlight' would be their 'wake me up from a coma' song and I can't.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

The Italian holiday episodes of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' are running again, just incase you want to do something better like swallow a carrier bag or or staple your nipples.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I have to forego a cheeky post-lunch nap today to attend a phonics meeting at school.

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GraaaaaveMc🍺 @davemc99.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Human anatomy has always been ny Achilles Rectum

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Fuck. Forgot to take part in the Great North Run again. That makes 22 years in a row now.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

My new toxic trait is judgmentally watching videos of strangers plating up their Chinese/Kebab takeaways and then wanting their takeaway. Apparently.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

This is reminiscent of when I realised I could buy After Eights at any time of year and they didn't have to be locked away in the "Christmas cupboard". Dizzyingly freeing.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

Message received off one of the nursery mums just now - "hope you're enjoying the summer holidays!" Me, reading said message -

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

Thought I'd lost them, but pleased to report I've located my binoculars for tomorrow's eclipse ☀️

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANO

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Neil @enanem.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

When you bump into an ex and they don’t look that great, and it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. One of my exes is currently experiencing that.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

I'm constantly strapped in on account of my raging cortisol levels 💅🏼

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Elle @elleisanisland.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

When you've defeated the cone they put you in the Hannibal Lector

A cat whose entire head is in a helmet with ear, eye and nose holes

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David Cake will not be changing his name for Halloween 🎃 @davecakes.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

The gossip is that some people don’t have lives outside of here so want to pick on people and tell people how to behave to make themselves feel important.

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Final Friztination @frizfrizzle.bsky.social · 19/07/2026

Meta are sending Fucko the Knife Robot to stab you in the knee. To disable go to Accounts> Settings> Robots> Knife Robots> Fucko> Opt Out

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 07/07/2026

Today marks the anniversary of Crotch Goblin 1.0's immersive stage production of 'Turd on the bed'. I can continue to share this as he's 9 and still of the age where this kind of thing is still wickedly funny to him.

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Andy Parmo @andyparmo.co.uk · 06/07/2026

SHOVE YOUR MYSTERIOUS CITIES OF GOLD UP YOUR ARSE

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Gian D’Oh @giandoh.bsky.social · 02/07/2026

“Yeah Ma, I’m not loving the carpentry thing but I’m kinda killing it as an influencer…. A shirt? Yeah of course I’m wearing a shirt.”

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James @zemblamatic.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

Come on we sent our biggest headed boy forward

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Gilles @gillesy.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

When you decline the offer of a Sun Life Over 50 Plan.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 01/07/2026

Sometimes, just sometimes, Facecloth makes me do a genuine lol.

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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 14/12/2023

Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun. *misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 26/06/2026

I LOVE when the North East of England is 88% humidity and the Costa Blanca in Spain is currently sitting around 60% humidity. Love it.

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Ramin Nasibov @nasibov.me · 25/06/2026

Thanks printer, that cheered me up

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 23/06/2026

92 days until Autumn 🍁 162 days until Winter ❄️ Keep strong folks.

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Richard Littler @richardlittler.bsky.social · 19/06/2026

🧵Here's a quick thread of awkward men.

Awkward men: oiled body builder by a christmas tree

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 17/06/2026

Celebrating Jeremy Clarkson's recent diagnosis makes you just as much a cunt. Just saying like.

static.klipy.com

Kermit the Frog Sips Tea Meme

ALT: Kermit the Frog Sips Tea Meme

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brucy & 🎃 @realbrucy.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

This is what they took from us.

OK, here goes. A round sofa like piece of furniture. It is moss yellow, like baby poop. There is a tiny TV in the middle of a plastic circle, surrounded by audio stuff of varying types and sizes. A center coffee table is round and black and on the ground. There are slots and more dials behind our guests. And my, what guests. He is in the polyesterest of leisure suits in brown. To his right, a brunette in a macrame dress; wooden buttons are assumed. To her right is the blonde bombshell, with tasteful boob showing, in a yellow rayon jumpsuit. They are waiting for the rest of the key party. The room smells of cigarettes and cheap scotch. There is a rocket lifting off on the TV. It is breathtaking.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 09/06/2026

Why, yes. I DO want my boys to dress like 30 something Range Rover salesmen who drink Negronis.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 08/06/2026

Without downloading any new pictures, What's it like to date you?

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 06/06/2026

I'm confused. A radio DJ recently announced she'd finally finished a pot of Sudocreme for the first time in her parenting life and asked others, have they ever witnessed the phenomenon of finishing a pot of Sudocreme. Everyone was astonished. Especially the parents....

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

You're all celebrating this, but you're forgetting, Nestlé chocolate on its own is shit. I said what I said.

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HolyCrayons @holycrayons.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

Pardon me, where the fuck is the wafer core of my KitKat? #Scenes

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