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beevins

@beevins.bsky.social
27 followers 30 following 4 posts
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The Onion @theonion.com · 15/04/2026
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong theonion.com/poor-sleep-linked-to-g…
Poor Sleep Linked To Gong
Instrument’s Loud, Resonant Crash Can Be Disruptive
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Chris Knox @chrisknoxphotog.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Falling gracefully...
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onion person @junlper.beer · 07/04/2026
one of the funniest videos i’ve ever seen
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: a little grey alien is piloting a UFO over the Earth, approaching Turkey (the country). Panel 2: the alien is seated and posed for a photograph with two guys, one of them is a doctor in scrubs and a face mask giving a thumbs up. They are in front of a backdrop that says “HAIR LIFE NOW”. The alien is smiling and has marker drawings on his bald head in the shape of a hairline. Panel 3: 14 month update, the alien has a lush and full head of brown hair, he is combing through and showing off to the viewer.
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
the Artemis II crew just posted a new photo. what the fuck
The planet Earth being flipped off
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The Onion @theonion.com · 11/03/2026
Guy Ordering Nonalcoholic Beer Has Either Seen A Ton Of Shit Or No Shit At All theonion.com/guy-ordering-nonalcoho…
Guy Ordering Nonalcoholic Beer Has Either Seen A Ton Of Shit Or No Shit At All
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Hassel 🛝 @hermansfriend.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
how americans see the world
big sign reading "burger vision".
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Ellis Rosen @ellisjrosen.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
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John Burns @burnsajohn.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
Do the dance, do the algal dance.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 19/02/2026
Man Annoyed He Has To Chew Current Food Before He Can Chew Next Food theonion.com/man-annoyed-he-has-to-…
Man Annoyed He Has To Chew Current Food Before He Can Chew Next Food
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The Onion @theonion.com · 12/02/2026
Robert Donahue

Robert Donahue, 58, died suddenly while crawling through the woods in his deer costume.
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Nathan Bulmer @natemorebikes.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
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Rodger Sherman @rodger.bsky.social · 10/02/2026
new most bizarre moment of the Olympics just dropped Norwegian biathlete wins bronze medal, then, totally unprompted, reveal he cheated on his GF, she left him, and he wants to apologize publicly hoping she takes him back www.vg.no/sport/i/vr5g...
a Norwegian man crying on air while being interviewed, with his biathlon stats besides himIn the interview with NRK, he first started by thanking everyone who has helped him on the path to his first individual Olympic medal.

And then – unprompted – he made an admission:

– And then there's someone I wanted to share it with who might not be watching today. Six months ago I met the love of my life. The most beautiful and kindest person in the world. Three months ago I made my biggest mistake and cheated on her, and I told her about it a week ago. It's been the worst week of my life, he says tearfully in the interview.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/02/2026
The family of Alan Andrews, 52, welcomes any suggestions for alternate phrasings of “suicide by cop.”
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jenny tightpants @jtp.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
dude shut the fuck up epstein did not "have aura"
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Ellis Rosen @ellisjrosen.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 06/02/2026
ski jump penis doping story only underscores the advantages of shape and drape over slim fit clothing www.theguardian.com/sport/2026/f...
Excerpt from a Guardian story: "Norway’s head coach Magnus Brevik, assistant coach Thomas Lobben, and staff member Adrian Livelten were also banned for 18 months for their involvement in the scheme, which made the jumpers’ suits larger and therefore reduced their descent rate due to the bigger wingspan.

One study in the scientific journal Frontiers found that every 2cm in suit size circumference reduced drag by 4% and increased lift by 5%. It said that a 2cm change in the suits was equivalent to an extra 5.8 metres in jump length.

However Bild has now claimed that jumpers have switched to other methods to game the system when they are measured for their suits, data for which is taken by a 3D scanner from the lowest point of their genitals. They include injecting acid into their penises or putting clay in their underwear to make their measurements temporarily bigger and therefore their suits looser for when they compete.

The newspaper quoted a doctor, Kamran Karim, who said: “It is possible to achieve a temporary, visual thickening of the penis by injecting paraffin or hyaluronic acid. Such an injection is not medically indicated and is associated with risks.”"
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The Onion @theonion.com · 04/02/2026
Fantasy About Impressing Coworkers Unimaginably Pathetic theonion.com/fantasy-about-impressi…
Fantasy About Impressing Coworkers Unimaginably Pathetic
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The Onion @theonion.com · 02/02/2026
Groundhog Harassed By Dipshits In Stupid Hats
Groundhog Harassed By Dipshits In Stupid Hats
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onion person @junlper.beer · 01/02/2026
a very relevant new onion newspaper article in the wake of the epstein files
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🦨 John Brown Did Nothing Wrong 🦨 @micah.pet · 10/09/2025
Have you ever seen a more perfectly autumnal creature in your life?
A pine marten looks up to the left, standing on a forest floor littered with brown fallen leaves.
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say charlie kirk died from a grand piano falling on his head and his mouth turned into piano keys and then a flower pot fell on his dick and it honked like a bike horn. don’t say stuff like that
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
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The Onion @theonion.com · 29/08/2025
Report: Your Naked Body Will Make Entire Morgue Laugh theonion.com/report-your-naked-body…
Report: Your Naked Body Will Make Entire Morgue Laugh
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Wendy Xu @wendyxu.bsky.social · 29/04/2025
painted some guys today
a tiny rabbit looking out a windowa tiny rabbit in a yellow raincoat under some dewy sorrel
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The Onion @theonion.com · 29/04/2025
4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence theonion.com/4-copy-...
4 Copy Editors Killed In Ongoing AP Style, Chicago Manual Gang Violence
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 28/04/2025
Me and my dog all day
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 18/02/2025
Most Looney Tunes characters are effectively indestructible but I don’t think that’s true for Pepe Le Pew. I bet if you ran him over with a car he’d just die.
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Professor Amanda Sturgill @drsturg.bsky.social · 16/02/2025
Sunday Sillies: Homonym edition. Cartoonist at captain scratchy.com
Cartoon of a man in the back seat of a taxi that is driven by a bear. The man is saying "Mall, please" with mall spelled m a l l. The caption reads "It was a simple misunderstanding, but one with harsh consequences."
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 28/01/2025
Daily bunny no.2848's goat has escaped
A bunny opens the door of their small thatch-roof hut in dismay, because a goat is munching on the roof! Down the front pathway, a small goatherd bunny with a crook rushes toward the house to try and manage the situation.
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 26/01/2025
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KornArt3 GRAAGH @kornart3.bsky.social · 25/01/2025
CAPTAIN FALCON
Captain Falcon, made for a melee collab hosted by @raivnn8 on twitter
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Samuel @samuel.fm · 22/01/2025
I’ve been boycotting simon and garfunkel ever since I learned what he did to those smurfs
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 22/01/2025
Daily bunny no.2842 is still on track
The Indiana Jones bunny, still in the same cavern, now speeds down a mineshaft in an old minecart, at speeds approaching a roller coaster. His lucky hat has just blown off during the ride, and he glances back over his shoulders at it in surprise
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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 29/11/2024
Tweet from Variety: “Abraham Zapruder Will Never Direct a Superhero Movie 'Unless Spider-Man Happens To Be Driving Past And Someone Blows His Brains Out'”
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beevins @beevins.bsky.social · 28/11/2024
In a way, iCarly was kind of the beginning of woke
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NANCY COMICS BY ERNIE BUSHMILLER @nancycomics.bsky.social · 27/11/2024
Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller November 27,1944
NANCY BY ERNIE BUSHMILLER

HOW WAS IT IN THE PARK
TODAY, SLUGGO?

PRETTY WINDY
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dartfluencer @jaynooch.bsky.social · 27/11/2024
He just pointed out a logical fallacy in my argument
My sweet curly haired little dog Benji looking smug as hell
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Sridhar Ramesh @radishharmers.bsky.social · 25/11/2024
My dad is convinced my mom is the best spouse in the world. But my mom insists my dad is the best spouse in the world. The grass is always greener on the other side. Their acrimonious argument over this contentious issue has led them to divorce.
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 27/11/2024
Daily bunny no.2786 is on a haunted hayride
A farmer bunny is driving a tractor pulling a cart. He looks behind him to see three ghost bunnies, silhouettes with bright yellow eyes. He is very frightened, but does not slow down the tractor. It is dusk in the middle of a field. The ghost bunnies appear to be enjoying the ride.
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JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 26/11/2024
I wrote this ode to a burger joint near my hometown in rural Oklahoma before the election, but the piece is about nostalgia's role in the state's conservative impulses, and maybe more resonant today www.eater.com/24235044/mee...
eater.com
Massive Burgers Keep This Abandoned Oklahoma Mining Town Alive
Meers Restaurant tells the story of a failed gold rush and Oklahoma’s land runs through burgers, peach cobbler, and lots of vintage decorations.
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 26/11/2024
Daily bunny no.2785 is stepping on toes
Four bunnies play the game "Twister", all of them fighting over the blue and yellow squares, crowding each other out. A fifth bunny off to the side spins the wheel. They are in a simple living room.
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 25/11/2024
Daily bunny no.2784 is going to need the chimney back soon
Bunnies are bringing firewood into the small cottage where they live. They are all wearing scarves, and it is early winter. One of the bunnies has climbed the thatch roof of their house, and is trying to shew away a bird who has built a nest on the chimney.
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Will Quinn @willquinnart.bsky.social · 22/11/2024
Daily bunny no.2781 strikes fear into the hearts of all they encounter
Two bunnies, in a rowboat, are besieged by tiny bunny pirates. They are brandishing tiny swords and also have their own boat. However, they are too small, just the size of the regular bunnies' ears. I don't know why they are that small.
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beevins @beevins.bsky.social · 19/11/2024
This isn’t dogma, just a thought. But water hits different when you’re thirsty
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