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@unlimtedpain.bsky.social
90 followers 173 following 4 posts

immune to poisons and ranged attacks

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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 17h
08 Oct 2026
Heathcliff sits on the witness stand in a courtroom, being questioned a lawyer while a judge watches on. Heathcliff's holding a ventriloquist dummy that looks exactly like the opposing counsel. The lawyer and judge both look at Heathcliff angrily, and the judge, banging his gavel, says "Objection sustained."
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Ballpoint pen, colored pencil, copic marker, and pencil. 

Movie night. Our man is at home with his pet bird watching Batman Returns (1992). It’s the scene where Catwoman visits the Penguin’s raggedy office to plan Batman’s downfall. As a way to gain the upper hand during the meeting, she circles Penguin’s birdcage and puts the bird in her mouth. Our man is concerned that this will be an upsetting scene for his bird to watch. “Close your eyes for this scene,” he says. He’s watching the film in a beanbag chair. His bird has a small perch for the screening.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
30 Sep 2026
Heathcliff dramatically covers his eyes, looking at an overturned empty garbage can on the sidewalk, as his girlfriend Sonja looks on. Two owls watch from a nearby tree, and one says "An empty can makes him cry."
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
i've never played minecraft but my hunch is that the frustrations of terraforming and city planning with a playstation controller are not unlike trying to go 10-7 with kenny pickett
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: a beetle is on the phone in his house. He says, “hey man— for the party tonight… don’t bring any poop.” Panel 2: on the other end of the call is a dung beetle. He responds, “really? You sure?” Panel 3: shrugging towards another dung beetle, the first dung beetle says, “he says they’re good on poop.” Somewhat incredulous, the second dung beetle says, “I just rolled it!” He is leaning against a mostly out of frame huge ball of poop.
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 29/09/2026
i mentally associate canned vegetables with hard times and hard livin' but i also mentally associate canned soup with an itinerant but honestly lived life on the rails. not sure what that's about
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: a woman pushing a shopping cart into a grocery store. In the baby seat of the shopping cart is an unusual orange creature with a trunk and antennae. The security guard standing in the doorway says, “ma’am, you can’t bring that in here.” Panel 2: the woman turns around and gestures at the creature. She says, “come on… he’s not hurting anyone.” Panel 3: the security guard points matter-of-factly at a sign on the wall behind him. The sign reads in bold red letters, “NO SHNOOBS. NO EXCEPTIONS.” It features a picture of an identical orange creature, the humble shnoob.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
28 Sep 2026
Heathcliff, wearing a Greek military helmet and holding a spear, rolls up to the Elite Fish Market in a huge model of a fish on wheels, popping out from a small door on its back. Two employees watch him approach, and one says "The Trojan Tuna is back."
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rob @ok-but-still.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
mitch mcconnell, sit your white ass down and listen! NO NOT LIKE THAT!!! -how you all sound right now
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Peter @notalawyer.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Jake Tapper (moderating the 2028 Dem primary debate): Final question. Do you renounce the Western Massachusetts lesbian bar? Pete Buttigieg: I renounce it. Kamala: I renounce it. AOC: I renounce it. Gavin Newsom: I will be deploying the National Guard to Greenfield on day one of my administration.
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Tim Price @timprice.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
You joined "grand vizier chat (secret)" You: dark rumors from aboard You: abroad* fuck Sssnakecharmer: mf said aboard WhispersintheChapel: ahoy matey lol PonderMyOrb changed the group name to "rumors from aboard"
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
14 Sep 2026
Heathcliff sits on his therapist's couch, with his arms folded and a smug expression on his face, as he wears a pink helmet that says "BAD". The therapist, taking notes, says "You seem to like this particular helmet."
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
13 Sep 2026
A sleeping Heathcliff is woken up by an alarm clock. Dazed, he turns into a giant Hulk cat, a seven-foot green muscular Heathcliff. Hulkcliff smashes the alarm clock and angrily walks out of the house. Iggy, watching him go, says "He's not a morning cat."

The Kitty Korner reads "Dee Joyce of San Diego, CA, says her cat 'Pancho' hums a tune when he sees birds outside the window!"
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Norm Charlatan @normcharlatan.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
We need a Gene Steratore of the Left.
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rob @ok-but-still.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
"I'm Chinese," Trump told a cheering crowd in Brownswamp, GA. "I'm a farmer. A lot of people don't know that, they don't. I'm from Guizhou province. It's very rural. Very beautiful, but rural, in my town of Wanfenglin. The other day I looked around and I said, My life is really a Big Dream."
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: an underwater submersible opens a latch and drops a red, pill-shaped crappy Bluetooth speaker. A scientist narrates, “we built a Bluetooth speaker to withstand 2000 meters.” Panel 2: the scientist, speaking directly to the camera, continues: “the squids responded really well to Nelly.” Panel 3: on the dark depths of the ocean floor, a group of squids are dancing enthusiastically around the sunken Bluetooth speaker. A couple of them are getting kinda nasty with it to be perfectly honest
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
02 Sep 2026
Heathcliff and a lawyer walk down the courthouse steps proudly. Heathcliff is wearing a helmet that reads "NOT GUILTY". The lawyer says "The helmet worked."
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: in a diner, a waitress looks over her shoulder to watch a TV mounted on the wall. A news reporter is one screen, surrounded with text that reads FOUR DEAD and DEVELOPING STORY. The reporter says, “please be advised— the murderer is still at large.” Panel 2: the reporter continues, “here’s their photo.” He gestures with his pen towards a photo next to him. The photo is a guinea pig wearing a multicolored propeller hat. Panel 3: the waitress watches the TV pensively. Behind her at the diner counter is a guinea pig in a propeller hat, seated before a plate with an entire head of lettuce. This may be the murderer in question but at this stage I’d only be speculating.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
29 Aug 2026
Heathcliff, Iggy, and a friend of Iggy's look around the corner to see four mice lounging around, all of them wearing lifelike Heathcliff masks.
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Man stands at a grocery store self-checkout machine with his groceries. The screen on the self-check asks the customer “Got any fun plans for the weekend? tap yes or no.” It’s likely he will tap no
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Listen up, I deleted this piece earlier because it doesn't ring true in my heart. Our boy wouldn't lie about the cha-cha. He rolled his ankle doing the cha-cha. That's what happened and there's no reason to hide it. No more lies.
A balding man sits on a doctor’s table with an injured ankle. The doctor asks him how he hurt his ankle and the man recalls a memory of him twisting his ankle while performing the cha-cha for his cat. He lies to the doctor and says he was jogging. I don’t like this comic.
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corpse eating dog @thuleanperspective.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Chani: tell me of the dressings of your home world Paul: well you got ranch, buttermilk ranch, peppercorn ranch, balsamic vinaigrette, green goddess, thousand island- Chani: what is this ‘island’ Paul: don’t ever interrupt me
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Lich's Fart Crystal Phylactery @slugworlds.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
our main food should be a mineral we mine from the earth called nutrium
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
22 Aug 2026
Heathcliff cuts into a large tomato and a giant red genie poofs out by magic, crossing his arms and looking smug. Iggy and his friend watch on, and Iggy says "It's the genie of the Jersey tomato."
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rob @ok-but-still.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
what will your job be in a gasless 2027 united states? i will be a warlord and slaver (of whites only!)
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The Onion @theonion.com · 21/08/2026
This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Men Overly Bored theonion.com/men-overly-bored
This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Men Overly Bored
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Two panel comic. Panel 1: an alien is sitting behind the wheel of a sedan with the window rolled down. He looks over at another car and says, “is this guy for real?” Panel 2: a second alien is stopped at the light next to the first alien. He is sitting behind the wheel of an enormous pickup truck with hover wheels. The truck is absolutely decked out in crazy hyper-macho patriotic stickers and flags, like an alien punisher skull, a flag sticker that reads “We the Bleeple”, and a bumper sticker that reads, “offended? GLOOP.”
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THE FAR SIDE DAILY @bot.cowtools.org · 20/08/2026
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Dr. Kill Everyone (Eclipse) @eclipse.gay · 15/08/2026
if you're somehow still alive, and you're seeing this, please - pokemon go to the escape pods
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The Other Happy Place @theotherhappyplace.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
If I could meet anyone in comics I think it would be Peter Gallagher from the current Heathcliff newspaper comics. They are utterly inscrutable to me. He is a surrealist. I must know his mind
A single comic panel of the comic Heathcliff, Heathcliff the car wanders the dunes looking nauseated and upset, next to him is a sign that says "robot nude beach" a seagull perched on the sign unhelpfully retorts "I tried to warn you". This is without context. I am as lost as you are.
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Three panel comic. Panel 1: two raccoons are sitting at a table with a bunch of podcast recording equipment. Raccoon one says into the microphone, “you gotta cut the negativity out of your life.” Panel 2: raccoon replies, “facts” Panel 3: raccoon 1 continues with his hands clasped together to capture the sincerity of his monologue, “that way you have more time to eat garbage.” Raccoon 2 contributes, “that’s facts”
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
09 Aug 2026
Heathcliff is riding his ham car, a car made out of a giant ham with wheels and a little dome for a windshield. He rides off a cliff and the car transforms, its wheels folding in and some wings folding out, becoming a submarine. He rides through the ocean, seeing a bunch of undersea life, before popping out and transforming the machine back into a car, driving on the beach. A few fishermen watch him drive past, and one says "Amphibious ham."

The Kitty Korner reads "Zach Lewis of Longmont, CO, says that his cat 'Mazy' likes to spin and chase her own tail!"
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Brent M. Diskin @diskin.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
03 Aug 2026
Heathcliff walks up to an ice cream stand with a giant sculpture of an ice cream cone on its roof. The worker in the stand says "It doesn't come in that size."
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florida chris 🌴 @doritosfont.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
HOMEBOY
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Two panel comic. Panel 1: a human backpacker kneels before a family of orangutans. They are exchanging a gentle handshake of sorts so that the human may supplicate himself to the chief orangutan. Journal entry text reads: “Week 4: I am accepted into the tribe.” Panel 2: journal entry: “Week 5: I introduce the tribe to 2012-13 Lebron highlights.” The human is holding his phone horizontally, displaying a YouTube compilation of LeBron James highlights from his legendary season with the Miami Heat. The orangutans are gathered closely around the phone, watching excitedly.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
27 Jul 2026
Heathcliff rides in a small sailboat- the "USS Bro"- as a large cloud shaped like Heathcliff's face gently blows a wind into the ship's sails, guiding it towards shore. Two birds stand on a beach watching the boat, and one of them says "He's the next of kin to the wayward wind."
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beetle moses @beetlemoses.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Two panel comic. Panel 1: a guy wearing glasses, a backwards flat rim hat, and a graphic t-shirt featuring an image of Ne-Yo (the singer) is holding a vape and appears to be holding in his breath. He says with his hands raised presentationally, “ok now check this:” Panel 2: the guy is blowing fat O’s through each other in a crazy smoke trick. Seated in a circle around him are elder aliens with long wizard-like beards and mysterious sparkling robes, each as tall as a house. The elders are all completely enraptured with the performance of the vape trick guy.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
24 Jul 2026
Heathcliff and the Summer Mummy- a smiling mummy wearing sunglasses and board shorts- walk happily on a beach boardwalk holding ice cream cones. There's an ice cream stand nearby, and its worker tells a customer "The Summer Mummy gets the sand flavor."
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Stan Kelly @kartoonistkelly.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Donut go gentle into that good night. @theonion.com
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Stan Kelly @kartoonistkelly.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Our long, national nightmare is nearly over: the “World Cup”* ends on Sunday. Then we’ll get our country back (finally). * Latest Fad @theonion.com
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NANCY COMICS BY ERNIE BUSHMILLER @nancycomics.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller July 17,1951
P1- NANCY IS LOOKING VERY COMFORTABLE SITTING IN HER EASY CHAIR WHILE AN ELECTRIC FAN SENDS A COOL BREEZE HER WAY 
NANCY: AH ---THAT FEELS GOOD ON A HOT DAY LIKE THIS

P2- NANCY LOOKS CONCERNED AS SHE GLANCES TO HER LEFT SIDE
NANCY: POOR THING --- I'LL BET YOU'RE нот, тоо

P3- NANCY HAS A VERY SMALL ELECTRIC FAN AS SHE RETURNS TO HER EASY CHAIR 

P4-  NANCY IS BACK IN HER EASY CHAIR AS HER FAN BLOWS COOL AIT TOWARDS HER 

ON THE FLOOR NANCY HAS PLACED THE RUNING SMALL ELECTRIC FAN IN FRONT OF A MOUSE HOLE
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Don Hughes @donaldhughes.ca · 12/07/2026
They could have won 💔
Colleagues Bernie Sanders and Lindsey Graham enjoy a laugh together.
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
09 Jul 2026
Two employees at a fish market look out of their window at a jack-in-the-box, springing up with a model of Heathcliff's head. One of the employees says "This feels like a diversion." Unbeknownst to them, Heathcliff is jumping out of their back window, excitedly holding a stolen fish.
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
07 Jul 2026
Heathcliff, dressed in a bumblebee costume, stands at the entrance of a beach, by a sign that says "Bee Nude Beach". A seagull, standing on a sand dune, says "I wouldn't."
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actual heathcliff comics @realheathcliffs.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
06 Jul 2026
Heathcliff rides by a dog run on a small chariot being drawn by four slugs. A group of dogs angrily barks at Heathcliff and his slug chariot. A couple watches him pass, and one of them says "That bothers me."
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rob @ok-but-still.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
(tom cruise doing the thing where he smiles even though he's really mad) eat your shorts? is that your message to me, bart?
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Stan Kelly @kartoonistkelly.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
Indepen-DUNCE Day. @theonion.com
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in the stripped club, straight up morgin’ it @apoapsis.bsky.social · 19/07/2025
GO! MY LABUBU MISSILE! KILL!
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