Reposted by EricaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 24/12/2024I've eaten enough cookies to kill a Victorian child 2353276
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 04/06/2025i travel with my own pillowcase. not high-maintenance- just pre-disappointed. 090
Reposted by EricaKim @kmbrly.bsky.social · 21/01/2025I’m not using my turn signal anymore. It’s none of your business where I’m going. 918428
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 20/01/2025i feel like they’re rolling their eyes, making the jerk off motion at me. 3351
Reposted by EricaErica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 20/11/2024thanks for sharing your moon with me on instagram. we don't have a moon where i live. 19322
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 14/01/2025without looking crazy, how long can you wave your hands under a paper towel dispenser until you realize it's a manual one? (pls say 30 secs) 2170
Reposted by EricaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/01/2024There should be a three day waiting period before you can buy an acoustic guitar 40747111
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 11/01/2025“fuck you, elderly people!” -restaurants with QR codes for menus 4273
Reposted by Ericajon @senderblock23.bsky.social · 03/01/2025“I’m going to kamikaze-attack you with my ass knife now.” -bees 4428
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 07/01/2025thank you for the thank you card. can we end this thank you cycle now? 2140
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 06/01/2025my tax man asked me why my W-2s smell like french fries, in case you’re wondering how the new year’s going. 2264
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 03/01/2025giving a $25 gift card for pottery barn is a good way of letting someone know you don’t want them having anything from pottery barn. 0130
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 02/01/2025january 1st: this is the year i turn it all around & get healthy! january 2nd: ran out of sugar so i put lucky charms marshmallows in my coffee 0262
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 29/12/2024sorry i didn't read the entire 3 paragraphs you posted on instagram below your picture, but i liked it anyway because i trust you. 082
Reposted by EricaTravis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 28/12/2024showering and then putting on my daytime pajamas 924351
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 28/12/2024it doesn’t matter how many stars a hotel has. you’ll always find one star hotel people in the pool. 1223
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 27/12/2024hiking is not a hobby. it’s what you do when you run out of gas. 0122
Reposted by EricaDrew @dschnoeb.bsky.social · 26/12/2024It’s hard to dunk on cyber truck owners any worse than what they regularly do to themselves 1937102919
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 27/12/2024this elderly couple doesn’t have gps, so i drew them a map on a cocktail napkin like a goddamn conquistador. 0322
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 26/12/2024i sense my dad’s crushing disappointment that i don’t know wtf an orbital palm sander is, but i can sure think of 3 dick jokes about it. 2292
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 23/12/2024i guess i’ve reached ‘hangover me feels exactly like regular me’ years old. 3213
Reposted by Ericadonni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 22/12/2024When will they invent a drug you can take that fixes other people 1120333
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 22/12/2024i’m ‘swallow my vitamins with a swig of beer’ kind of healthy. 0140
Reposted by Ericaceej @ceej.online · 21/12/2024“Christmas Cracker” is what they call Santa Claus in England 928325
Reposted by EricaQuinn Sutherland @reelquinn.bsky.social · 11/12/2024But do you recall The most famous reindeer of all? 4649
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 21/12/2024never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table. it’s what they want. 29015
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 20/12/2024my coworker just bought herself a handbag for $2200 and there wasn’t even any cocaine in it. 2212
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 20/12/2024had no idea which dentist to go to until i saw a flyer on a utility box outside taco bell. 2223
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 19/12/2024imagine eating an entire box of fruity pebbles before being murdered. what an embarrassing autopsy that would be. 6519
Reposted by EricaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 19/12/20246yo: What’s it like being a grown up? Me: Remember when Nana gave you a birthday card with no money in it? 171448217
Reposted by EricaJason @longwall26.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Carry On (suspense/thriller): A passenger’s neck pillow now counts as a carry on item? For real? You gotta be kidding me with this shit. This is why everybody hates you assholes. No, YOU’RE out of line!!! 0172
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 18/12/2024“share” size peanut m&m’s puts way too much pressure on me to be a good person. 0204
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 18/12/2024every scooby doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions. 03910
Reposted by EricaForrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 17/12/2024She was rare, like a sensible Tesla driver 716037
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 18/12/2024overheard a lady telling security her drink was drugged & now i’m annoyed because i had no idea i could order one that way. 1195
Reposted by EricaMike Primavera @primawesome.bsky.social · 16/12/2024I won’t be making it to your party. All I have are beautiful Christmas sweaters. 17513
Reposted by EricaViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17/12/2024Kids say the funniest things. Today our 4-year-old said, “A n g e l s s h a l l t r e m b l e a t m y m e r c i l e s s w r a t h” 748655
Reposted by EricaErica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 02/12/2024i bet the worst part of being a mall santa is trying to find a pair of boots to comfortably accommodate the ankle monitor. 315414
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 17/12/2024if you need a meatloaf recipe or advice on tarnish removal, just ask an elderly person for directions to the nearest gas station. 0111
Reposted by EricaGreg @growlygrego.bsky.social · 13/12/2024Different vibe entirely if he was just Bill Wonka, damned glad to meet you. Firm handshake. Knows your grandad. 610318
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 17/12/2024if i pull these 'one size fits all' tights up any higher, i guess i’ll be doing a bank robbery. 3204
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 17/12/2024putting a “?” as the ending time on a party invitation is a good way of letting everyone know you’re an alcoholic. 2151
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 16/12/2024my favorite part of slamming the door & making a dramatic exit is when i have to sneak back in to get my keys. 2425
Erica @scbchbum.bsky.social · 16/12/2024i’ve never been interrogated by police, but i have tried buying a 2nd box of Claritin D in less than a month, so i get it. 1131
Reposted by EricaAmanda @mandalikewine.bsky.social · 11/12/2023got all the gifts under the tree 310017
