Reposted by Rhys Davies
Rhys Davies
@quinnfeld.bsky.social
132 followers 129 following 502 posts
Medical Microbiologist and Infectious Diseases doctor. A bit...odd. Bugs, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll, baby!
Medical Microbiologist and Infectious Diseases doctor. A bit...odd. Bugs, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll, baby!
![Scene is a Victorian drawing room; a group of gentlemen is assembled for a meeting. At the front of the room, stood at a large blackboard, is SIR JOHN LUBBOCK, the inventor of bank holidays. The board has a calendar drawn on it. Also in the room is a SMALL DOG sat on the floor.
1
LUBBOCK:
And so gentlemen, I, Sir John Lubbock, hereby announce
2
LUBBOCK:
The invention of ‘bank holidays’!
Legally protected days off work, for the whole nation to rest.
AUDIENCE:
CLAP CLAP CLAP
3
LUBBOCK (marking days on the calendar):
My first two bank holidays shall be at Easter...
and then another straight after in May...
4
LUBBOCK:
And then - what the hell - another one in May!
And then one in August!
AUDIENCE:
Hurrah!
5
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
So many, Sir John?
LUBBOCK (grabbing him by the lapel, his face ecstatic)
Life is for living, man!
6
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
And then in the Autumn, sir….?
7
[Lubbock looks sideways. He is distracted by the SMALL DOG. It has started scooting its bum across the floor]
8
LUBBOCK:
Ugh.
[his face has dropped, it's totally grossed him out]
9
LUBBOCK:
OK that'll do
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
What?
10
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Is that it? You’ve put loads in the summer…
LUBBOCK:
Yeah
no more bank holidays till Christmas.
11
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Sir - have you just condemned future generations to long winters of unalleviated toil... because you saw my dog scooting its arse and it killed your vibe?
12
LUBBOCK:
It's so gross
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Rollo can’t help it!
[dog continues to scoot across floor]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiabf3hhw7b35mdikzkfjgdhadqnge5zvvyrdaeu5ql4t24rmbqbni)
![[Title panel]:
A-LEVEL RESULTS COLUMNS DAY
[Scene is a TV news type report about A Level results day]
REPORTER [talking to camera outside a school where students are crowding outside the hall to get in]:
Well, it's that day again
When A-Level students across the country finally get to find out
What Britain's newspaper columnists think about their results.
[show the interior of the school hall, with long tables, but instead of results papers on them, loads of middle-aged newspaper columnists are all laid out]
[Close up on the COLUMNISTS lying on the table, talking up to a gaggle of excited students desperate to find out what they say]
PETER HITCHENS:
I remember when A-Levels meant something
CLARKSON:
I got a C and two U's
[Cut to outside the hall, the REPORTER is talking to a student]
REPORTER:
And did you get the middle-aged opinions you wanted?
STUDENT:
Yes!
I got one ‘There's Too Much Humanities’,
and two Oxford graduates telling me they went to Oxford.
REPORTER [now doing a voiceover, as we see the students in the school hall next to the columnists on tables, and the students are preparing to jump in the air for a photographer]:
And then the annual photo shoot…
[PHOTOGRAPHER]
One, two, three...
[One of the columnists on the table pipes up with]:
What's The Point Of University in 2026?
[The students all jump for joy]
STUDENTS:
HOORAY!
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiauzow46czexl5p6tdraopiegsutr63pkiar6cescidhxaluclska)
