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jess

@jess.red
1.1K followers 366 following 5.2K posts

threat supermodel. clocky like lamport.

PostsRepliesMedia
jess @jess.red · 5h
eric "hawkeye" schmitt
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jess @jess.red · 14h
i am coming to terms with the fact that there will be no electoral consequences for being evil fuckfaces, but there may be electoral consequences for being obscenely stupid
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jess @jess.red · 26/09/2026
the thing about hellthread is that it was so great that people actually made stickers for hellthread. the other thing about hellthread was that the window of greatness was so short that by the time the stickers arrived, they were just kinda embarrassing.
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jess @jess.red · 17/09/2026
rocky rococo's basilisk
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jess @jess.red · 02/08/2026
poasting from the Tall Plane
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CJ Fogler @cjzero.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Gabby yelling "For the gays!" postgame (h/t @saraziegler.bsky.social)
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jess @jess.red · 24/06/2026
giggling at the mental image of Elon Musk having a Russ-Hannigan-on-Silicon-Valley-style meltdown at losing his fourth comma
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jess @jess.red · 13/06/2026
it would be nice if no trillionaires existed :)
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Natacha @natacha.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
The most important response when anyone says that a toilet ban is “unenforceable”; “Assholes will be deputized” It will be enforced by violent rightwing men entering women’s toilets after anyone who “looks” trans. Cis & trans women will be assaulted in the ladies. This is a feature not a bug.
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Revan @revan.eurosky.social · 18/05/2026
> looking at tech sector layoffs > ask the hr manager if the layoffs are from ai or from the end of zirp > she doesn't understand > pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is ai replacement and what is zirp > she laughs and says "they’re good layoffs sir” > check the data > its zirp
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Pride at the Pier 🏳️‍🌈🤝⚧️ he/she/they/xe @prideatthepier.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
We keep hearing folks rejecting the warning bells about the trans genocide, saying “it’s not like there’s gas chambers & ovens”. Aside from the reality that the Holocaust didn’t start w/ gas chambers & ovens, this comes from an ignorant understanding of what a genocide is. Let’s talk about it. 1/15
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jess @jess.red · 12/05/2026
let me spell it out: they are practicing the process for mass passport revocation on the least sympathetic people possible so that it goes smoothly and cleanly when they do it to trans people.
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jess @jess.red · 11/05/2026
to be millennial is to be cringe
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jess @jess.red · 11/05/2026
the most millennial cultural artifact is charlie the unicorn
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jess @jess.red · 11/05/2026
itt: elder millennials naming Gen X things
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jess @jess.red · 10/05/2026
only today left to get your bids in! ofc you can still give money to folks in Minneapolis whenever you want, but this is the only time you can do it AND get an original stained glass panel from me (unless I do this again...?)
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jess @jess.red · 08/05/2026
three days to go!
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Rev. Poppy Haze 𓅋 @poppyhaze.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
found this guy on Tiktok who has discovered carpenter's speed squares make an insanely satisfying noise when you bounce them off tires or wood, called @lostcoastedc on there
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jess @jess.red · 07/05/2026
a meditation on the San Francisco 67
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jess @jess.red · 03/05/2026
hey folks! Minneapolis/St. Paul continue to struggle with the economic fallout of the ICE occupation there, and we need to help them. I'm auctioning this piece of stained glass, titled Fuck ICE and designed/constructed during the occupation, to benefit those families.
Fuck ICE, 13"x13", transparent and opalescent glass in lead came with a zinc border, February 2026.

The piece is a square matrix of blue, white, and transparent glass, with the size of pieces ranging from half-inch squares to 3"x1" rectangles. Transparent borders produce a floating effect for blue and white constructions with a crystalline motif.
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jess @jess.red · 05/05/2026
the French sure have something going on with this "fourth republic", "fifth republic" thing. we're way behind them on this.
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jess @jess.red · 05/05/2026
current high bid is only $300! You could own this piece of art and help your comrades at the same time!
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jess @jess.red · 03/05/2026
hey folks! Minneapolis/St. Paul continue to struggle with the economic fallout of the ICE occupation there, and we need to help them. I'm auctioning this piece of stained glass, titled Fuck ICE and designed/constructed during the occupation, to benefit those families.
Fuck ICE, 13"x13", transparent and opalescent glass in lead came with a zinc border, February 2026.

The piece is a square matrix of blue, white, and transparent glass, with the size of pieces ranging from half-inch squares to 3"x1" rectangles. Transparent borders produce a floating effect for blue and white constructions with a crystalline motif.
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jess @jess.red · 30/04/2026
rewriting the end of the great gatsby so it's the romance we all deserve
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jess @jess.red · 27/04/2026
me n my wife
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darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
"hey welcome-is this your first job making pizza" "no, i spent six years training with a classic brick oven pizzaiolo in naples" "great..cool...now this one we call 'the volcano dipper'"
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Roxi Horror 💀🌸 @roxiqt.com · 23/04/2026
Felt like I needed to add a sense of mystery and adventure to my life. Then I remembered we live in a world where I can order something called a "volcano dipper" from a pizza place and now my husband and I are waiting for this abomination to get delivered.
the volcano dipper pizza
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jess @jess.red · 20/04/2026
the 2019-2020 devacurl issues were actually the result of counterfeit stock in commingled inventory in Amazon warehouses before anyone realized that commingled inventory in Amazon warehouses was a thing
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jess @jess.red · 19/04/2026
roku's basilisk: a being that,,,
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Tony Corsentino @notalegalrecord.net · 17/04/2026
the idea that the demand of affluent people for strangers’ children is in tension with child welfare protections is actually correct. But of course in Anglophone countries, where #adoption is about making people into parents, the conclusion is “so much the worse for child welfare protections.”
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jess @jess.red · 17/04/2026
get this man a CSIRT to run
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jess @jess.red · 13/04/2026
straight out of a civ i dialogue box
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jess @jess.red · 13/04/2026
in glass I make that isn't an absurd crock of shit, here's something that came together last fall.
titled "golden #1", the piece is an interpretation of the Golden Gate Bridge. framed by swooping catenaries above and below, the composition is predominantly defined by two sections of linear-cut heavily-textured orange-red glass, running top to bottom at left and right. overlapping cross-beams reach out between the two vertical linear portions, periodically breaking a transparent pale-blue region of negative space in the center.
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jess @jess.red · 13/04/2026
is it art if you can't use the skillset to make something incredibly fucking stupid
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Padraig2112 @isomorphism.net · 09/04/2026
Look if Skynet becomes sentient and decides to wipe out 90% of humanity as a security baseline... I kinda get it, actually.
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jess @jess.red · 08/04/2026
everyone talking about how "elected officials" and "the political elite" and "the media" bear responsibility for trump and have to get him out. no. you don't get it. we all bear responsibility for trump. that is the cost of democracy. every evil thing he does, we are responsible for.
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Caræsten 🇵🇸 @cara.city · 08/04/2026
ok but if you're opposed to American empire (as we all should be) this is incredible. truly just the shooting yourself in the dick for no reason of imperial decline.
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Micah @rincewind.run · 02/04/2026
two of the hardest things ever written are "face god and walk backwards into hell" and "you cannot kill me in a way that matters" one of them came from a tumblr shitpost and the other one came from a dril tweet about hollering at zoo animals the internet truly is a magical place
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Giraffe 🖖🏾 @spottedgiraffe.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
RIP Trek Twitter. You made me who I am today.
sar + aaron hotchner lovebot:
@wlwspirk
it is so satisfying to know that spock and leonard nimoy would probably be best friends and play the lute together or something but jim kirk would absolutely beat the shit out of william shatner in an applebee's parking lot
5:39 AM - 09 Dec 20 • Twitter
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J.T. from Oakland @oaklandjt.myatproto.social · 02/04/2026
Funniest ever is the Gerry Adams tweet, but this one's pretty good.
A tweet from Ken Klippenstein: Someone asked me who John McAfee is
and I do not know how to answer that question

Reply by Lindy LaRouche: John McAfee was never convicted of rape or murder but in an extremely different way than you or I haven't been convicted of rape or murder
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El Gordo @elgordosupreme.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
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Wolfechu @wolfechu.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Gerry Adams, former leader of Sinn Feib: This house is like Santa's grotto. Takes half an hour 2 switch off fairy lights and assorted yule illumination. Feel like a grinch now.

Eddie Izzards beret in reply : surely you know someone who can fit a timer
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bill @eyewasbored.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
: ) @ncsox.bsky.social
tweet by ncsox that reads

writer: is it firsthand or first hand?

editor: either one is fine

below is a picture of a newspaper article tilted “students get first hand job experience “
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Alan Hamari @alanhamari.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
As always
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H. Perry Horton @hperryhorton.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
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scotcetera @scotcetera.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
A tweet by @ArfMeasures that reads: 
Therapist: What's wrong?
Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce
Therapist: And who told you that?
Me: *tearfully clears throat*
Tweeted at 8:27 AM • Apr 30, 2018
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VERTICAL📼BLANKING📺INTERVAL @vertiblank.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
I think about “normal to want and possible to achieve” all the time
Tweet by @yellowcardigan

My therapist: <laughs at a joke I said>

Me (to myself): This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in therapy, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
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Mychal @mylo.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Dr Charlotta Lofqvist, S.J.
@jon_snow_420
god: i have made Mankind 
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety
18:54 • 28 Oct 15
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