dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Fuck Roma Tomatoes. Roma Tomatoes are the Red Delicious Apple of Tomatoes. 001
Reposted by dwoodsJoe Kassabian @jkass99.bsky.social · 23/09/2026If they are fake HOW ARE THEY PAYING FOR IT YOU DUMB FUCK 1115911
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Every time I take a pee “Orinoco Flow” plays at max volume from a speaker I had surgically implanted in my ass. 010
Reposted by dwoodsMagnum, T.I.(M.) @hydrationchimp.bsky.social · 18/09/2026it’s time to give Ms Rachel a gundam 5051381134
Reposted by dwoodshot car diet coke @sunbear.bsky.social · 15/09/2026did they ever catch that horse what kicked you in the head a decade ago? 071
Reposted by dwoodstinybaby @tiny.baby · 15/09/2026i still think mitch mcconnell died 4 months ago 9480862
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Press 1 to punch me in the ass Press 2 to punch me in the grundle Press 3 to punch me in the penis Press 4 to punch me in the balls To punch me other places, please press 9 000
Reposted by dwoodsJoe Kassabian @jkass99.bsky.social · 06/09/2026The saga of the French-Saudi Dragon Ball Z theme park has gotten even funnier mainichi.jp/english/arti...mainichi.jpJapan's Toei denies issuing licenses for 'Dragon Ball' theme park in France - The MainichiPARIS (Kyodo) -- Toei Animation Co. has denied media reports that a theme park inspired by the Japanese manga and anime series 1014023
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I’m burning 10s of thousands of dollars in AI tokens trying to coax it into giving me a mathematical equation that will allow me to fold my penis into a Möbius strip. 000
Reposted by dwoodsspooky cannoli @boner.ink · 01/09/2026i'm collecting all the recalled foods and putting them in a blender and then injecting it into my blood 3537
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 27/08/2026GTA 6 better include wireless sounding rod integration or im gonna be fucking PISSED 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 26/08/2026Tim Curry the day after Dolly Parton? Uh hey, god? Can you get your head out of your asshole and kill the right fucking 80 year old please? 021
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 26/08/2026I’m stocking up on as much cheap lettuce as I can and holding until the market comes back 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Does anyone know when the Nintendo Switch 2 Wireless Sounding Rod goes up for preorder? 051
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 22/08/2026Fuck it, I give up. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s ok to get diarrhea from RFK Jr. I’m fine with it now. I’ve transcended. 001
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Every night before bed I pour a white monster into my CPAP humidifier tank. 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 20/08/2026In 3000 years they will find me mummified in a peat bog like the Tollund Man but instead of a noose around my neck I will be wearing a set of Amazon basics cat ears and crying with all 10 fingers in my butt. 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 15/08/2026We should have RFK Jr re-record the narration to all of the Ken Burns documentaries. 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 07/08/2026*on CNN in the Oval Office holding up a chart that shows that cows are actually way bigger than almost all vegetables besides a giant pumpkin* 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 06/08/2026My doctor is going to be so proud that I switched to vegan corn dogs. 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Today at the dentist’s office, there was a cover(?) of the Kid Rock song “Only God Knows Why” playing while he went over my X-rays, explaining to me that one of my teeth has killed the tooth next to it and I will lose both teeth. 100
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 03/08/2026A buddy sent me a picture of myself from back in the day. Can’t believe how young I look. 000
Reposted by dwoodsonion person @junlper.beer · 25/06/2026watching this brings me immense pain 1802109109
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 16/06/2026Is it normal for my kid to point at me and yell “Not the Mama” every time I walk into the room and then hit me in the face/head with a frying pan or some other blunt object? 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 13/06/2026It’s been like 20+ years but I still think about Goatse at least once a week. 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 30/01/2026I can’t think of a person who has a life I’m less interested in than Melania. I’d no joke rather watch a 6hr documentary about the history of random automotive trash in the forest near me. Why are there tires out there? Who put them in the forest? How did they do it? How many tires are out here? 020
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 24/01/2026“The government is giving kids free lunches and 45 dollars a month to poor people for snacks?! Burn the whole fucking country down 1776” “Masked federal agents are being sent out to murder US citizens in the street with legal impunity? Wow god bless the USA I’m going to suck an Eagles dick now.” 020
Reposted by dwoodsMargaret Killjoy @margaret.bsky.social · 24/01/2026Nuremberg trials for ICE is the moderate position 136119563363
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 23/01/2026Everything is going to completely fall apart all at once, isn’t it? 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 10/01/2026Next on Fox News: “Hey if the cops want to kill me I mean I support it, I’d let the cops kill my entire family you gotta listen to cops and if cops wanna kill me and everyone around me I gotta support our law enforcement officers, let them shit all over my dead body just kill the shit out of me” 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 08/01/2026Man today is one of those days that might get me banned from all forms of social media. 010
Reposted by dwoodsvanoreo @vanoreo.bsky.social · 27/09/2025they're gonna call you a terrorist regardless of what you do isn't that nifty 938665
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 21/06/2025I love how the standard ICE agent uniform is the exact same thing that the IT staff at an elementary school would wear but with a balaclava. 020
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 13/06/2025Walking out in front of the national guard deployment in LA with a sign that says “FREE CANS OF RIP-IT” 010
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 23/05/2025I’m escaping to the one place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism…media.tenor.coma man in a suit and tie is smiling and says space !ALT: a man in a suit and tie is smiling and says space ! 040
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 17/05/2025My 90s kid dream birthday is at McDonalds and the Ninja Turtles get the fucking shit kicked out of them by Rockapella and then I’m gifted an iguana. 000
dwoods @dwuuds.bsky.social · 05/05/2025@jacobgeller.com you should send some DMs to your boy. A collabo like this? Once in an eon. Also I’ll pay for it. @bosh.worstpossible.world 120
