Reposted by Calder
Calder
@calderwook.bsky.social
1.2K followers 2.3K following 1.9K posts
Disabled and mostly found bumbling about Edinburgh on a cargo bike or walking my dogs Trees make things better. He/Him
Disabled and mostly found bumbling about Edinburgh on a cargo bike or walking my dogs Trees make things better. He/Him
![Scene is a Victorian drawing room; a group of gentlemen is assembled for a meeting. At the front of the room, stood at a large blackboard, is SIR JOHN LUBBOCK, the inventor of bank holidays. The board has a calendar drawn on it. Also in the room is a SMALL DOG sat on the floor.
1
LUBBOCK:
And so gentlemen, I, Sir John Lubbock, hereby announce
2
LUBBOCK:
The invention of ‘bank holidays’!
Legally protected days off work, for the whole nation to rest.
AUDIENCE:
CLAP CLAP CLAP
3
LUBBOCK (marking days on the calendar):
My first two bank holidays shall be at Easter...
and then another straight after in May...
4
LUBBOCK:
And then - what the hell - another one in May!
And then one in August!
AUDIENCE:
Hurrah!
5
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
So many, Sir John?
LUBBOCK (grabbing him by the lapel, his face ecstatic)
Life is for living, man!
6
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
And then in the Autumn, sir….?
7
[Lubbock looks sideways. He is distracted by the SMALL DOG. It has started scooting its bum across the floor]
8
LUBBOCK:
Ugh.
[his face has dropped, it's totally grossed him out]
9
LUBBOCK:
OK that'll do
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
What?
10
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Is that it? You’ve put loads in the summer…
LUBBOCK:
Yeah
no more bank holidays till Christmas.
11
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Sir - have you just condemned future generations to long winters of unalleviated toil... because you saw my dog scooting its arse and it killed your vibe?
12
LUBBOCK:
It's so gross
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Rollo can’t help it!
[dog continues to scoot across floor]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiabf3hhw7b35mdikzkfjgdhadqnge5zvvyrdaeu5ql4t24rmbqbni)
![1
Wide shot of the BRITISH MUSEUM. There are suggestions of fascism around the streets - tanks, barricades, an Orwellian 'Big Brother'-style poster on a wall. A voice of a TOUR GUIDE emanates from the museum:
TOUR GUIDE:
So the Tapestry tells acrucial chapter of our nation's history...
2
[Cut to interior of museum. A long Bayeaux-style TAPESTRY is on display, and the Tour Guide is speaking to a tour group]
TOUR GUIDE [smiling]:
How modern fascist Britain was created.
3
TOUR GUIDE:
The Tapestry begins here with the 2008 Crash, then austerity, then the AI Crash...
4
TOUR GUIDE:
...and by the end of the room it's just full-on fash.
5
CHILD IN TOUR GROUP [gesturing to the tapestry]:
What's this middle bit?
TOUR GUIDE:
This is the 2026 Battle of Legitimate Concerns
6
TOUR GUIDE:
[show a reporter standing next to the Dover protests]
Here's the media saying the government have got to do something about the legitimate concerns...
7
CHILD:
...About the failure of capitalism?
TOUR GUIDE:
No about brown people on boats
8
CHILD:
[pointing at boats crossing the sea on the tapestry]
Are these boats the mega-dinghies?
TOUR GUIDE:
Not all of them
9
[we see one of the boats is a giant yacht]
TOUR GUIDE:
That one's a superyacht,
carrying money from the American fascists to the British ones.
10
TOUR GUIDE:
You see really it's as much a story of convergence as it is of conflict.
[An alarm sounds in the museum]
DING DING DING DING
11
TOUR GUIDE:
Ok, tour over everyone
12
TOUR GUIDE:
It's time for the Two Minute Hate!
[They all leave the museum]
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiboinypoonvak2nkagipcfwm22lge4gldp2iscz3leiptjxg4e63u)
