theguardian.com
‘I tried to escape with drugs, pills and alcohol’: Björn Borg on his misery and mayhem after quitting tennis
The sporting superstar walked away from success and adulation at 26 – much to everyone’s bemusement. He opens up about his secret life and the depression, cocaine, overdoses and aggressive cancer that...
![Title:
The 'Narrator About To Ruin Your Audiobook' Talent Agency
[There follows a series of cheesy black and white actors’ headshots, with names and descriptive captions]
Liz Chirpley
A very expressive narrator. Like, far too expressive really. We've asked her to dial it down.
Greg Mistake
Once read a whole book on Chernobyl, out loud, for money. Still can't pronounce the word 'nuclear’.
Sebastian Equality
Does a really committed ‘woman voice' for all his female characters. We’ve asked him to dial it down.
Brian Decanter
Will read your serious literary novel out *perfectly* apart from one (1) character which he will do in a sort of 'cartoon dog' voice and we simply do not know why.
British Voice 3
We found him in settings. Needs a charger but my god he's cheap.
Leonard Darling-Mwah
Really goes for the Indian accents!
Absolutely fearless. We've asked him to dial it down.
Chris
[Show an actor headshot of someone who is clearly a hand puppet]
The absolute king of trauma memoirs but when we give him biscuits they just fall out of his mouth onto the floor which makes us think he may be some kind of puppet.
Emily Lewis
[Show an actor headshot of a girl, eyes rolling up, clearly possessed]
Can do a very convincing 'man voice'. Needs restraints, and a priest.
J.C. Slurpee
Author with a really, really wet mouth who we had to let narrate his own book because he's famous.
Unlistenable.
Stuart Wilkinson
[Show an actor headshot of a duck]
Great energy, can't read.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreid75iqjn24c2ahptitnszrafwhdxpohw3p4s5pydkghwpbgmhkqsi)
