Donal Brannigan
@brannigand.bsky.social
286 followers 1.1K following 1.3K posts
Engineer. Interested in Science, Technology and History. From The Midlands but now Up North. Was once startled by a cabbage.
Engineer. Interested in Science, Technology and History. From The Midlands but now Up North. Was once startled by a cabbage.
![Scene is a LONGBOAT sailing on the sea. It is all drawn in the style of the Bayeaux Tapestry. A voice is coming from the boat:
Owwww
Uuuuuuurgh
Ooooooooh
[Scene changes to on the deck of the boat - still drawn like the Bayeaux Tapestry. A SOLDIER is talking to HAROLD, who is lying on the deck of the boat, with the arrow in his eye.]
SOLDIER:
For God's sake stop it Harold!
HAROLD:
Oh I'm sorry. It's not like I've got an ARROW IN MY EYE or anything
SOLDIER:
Look, we discussed this. The arrow is your thing. People want to see the arrow.
HAROLD:
It's been in there for 950 years. I should really see a doctor
SOLDIER:
No! We are travelling to England to be displayed in the British Museum.
What do you think people would say if you didn't have your arrow in?
HAROLD:
I don't care. I want it taken out. It hurts.
SOLDIER:
No.
HAROLD:
But I could get it seen to in England! The NHS has some of the best tapestry eye surgeons in the world!
SOLDIER:
Oh right, I get it, so this is health tourism...
HAROLD:
Duh, no, cos I'm Anglo Saxon?
SOLDIER:
Ohmigod you sound so Brexit
[Silent pause,, they cotuinue to sail]
HAROLD:
Uuuurgh
SOLDIER:
SHUT UP
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreib7o5h7pjb446tk4kbiwrkkzdvg7xoq3hw3qankxh6nvyaka6keum)
![cartoon for the guardian by Stephen Collins - script as follows:
[Scene is a darkened LOFT. Amongst the boxes and junk are FOUR KNACKERED OLD FANS - three tower fans and one circular, with cracked grey plastic and buttons missing. One fan, TOWER FAN 1, is a bit taller than the others, and is addressing them]
1
TOWER FAN 1:
Right lads, get ready.
2
TOWER FAN 1:
This is our time.
3
TOWER FAN 1:
The time when we remember who we are, and why we’re here.
4
TOWER FAN 1:
We are the four crap fans in a British person’s loft,
and we are here to make absolutely no difference whatsoever.
5
TOWER FAN 1:
I know what you’re
thinking, lads:
6
TOWER FAN 1:
Surely this will be the year they finally replace us?
7
TOWER FAN 1:
Our plastic’s gone all brown... I haven’t oscillated since 2018...
8
TOWER FAN 1:
Dave here sounds like a spitfire and blows like a sad cat’s sigh…
TOWER FAN 2:
Cheers mate
9
TOWER FAN 1:
But no. These people are British, and every year, they forget the sun exists.
By the time they remember,
new fans will cost *four million pounds* on Amazon.
10
TOWER FAN 1:
So we’ll be back down there... shovelling thick air across the moaning faces of a species that cannot comprehend the concept of air conditioning, or even just closing the curtains when it’s hot out...
11
TOWER FAN 1:
...while they incessantly bang on about normally hot countries which this country is now temporarily a bit hotter than.
12
[The loft hatch opens and a person comes up the ladder]
PERSON:
APPARENTLY IT’S HOTTER THAN GREECE, LISA](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidbpfu2ioghspjcg4xitzv655jzjwp5lgxk5hi3ag7sechgh222ze)