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Andre the Viking

@andre-the-viking.bsky.social
88 followers 49 following 244 posts

I have joined this app to use it as a platform to apologise for the behaviour of my Viking ancestors towards the good people of Northumbria in 865AD.

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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I’m thinking of a career change and retraining as a Brazilian P.E. Teacher.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
"I got thrown off the fancy-dress tour of Henry VIII's house for not keeping up." "Oh? Were you ambling?" "No, I went as Jane Seymour."
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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I’ve seen some sad news posted on here recently and am reminded of a particular quote; “Look at you comforting others with the words you wish someone had said to you.” Fyodor Dostoevsky
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I don’t know why everybody seems so impressed by the #BayeuxTapestry? They couldn’t even spell!
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Graeme Swanson @swansonian.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Heard your boyfriend calls it the Bayeux Embroidery.
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J. Michael Mull @jmichaelmull.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
even now, she's still teaching us
screen on car radio reading:
Dolly Parton
Love is Like A Butt
(it should be Butterfly but the last part couldn't fit on the screen)
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Oonagh @okeating.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
www.fatsoma.com/e/vbgqgafb/v... My son has a play on in Salford in October. I'd really appreciate shares, even if you can't make it yourself. It's on 7, 8, 9 at the King's Arms. I'm very excited to see it. Thank you.
fatsoma.com
VOID at The Kings Arms, Salford on 6th Oct 2026
VOID at The Kings Arms, Salford on 6th Oct 2026. Buy tickets in just 2-clicks with our super-fast checkout
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I’m so high right now!
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Members can use the backdoor.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Teaser trailer for the next #Avatar movie looks shit!
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Well done to the lads but I stand by my argument that football should be played on skis.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
@mrrickygervais.bsky.social We all know of ‘CamelToe’ & ‘Moose Knuckle’ but in S01E01 of #AfterLife you should be credited with creating a whole new genre. Best I’ve come up with is a ‘Butt Cut’ or ‘Valley of the Clings’.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
We all know of ‘CamelToe’ & ‘Moose Knuckle’ but in S01E01 of #AfterLife Ricky Gervias should be credited with creating a whole new genre. Best I’ve come up with is a ‘Butt Cut’…
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David Ho @davidho.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
You want to see Norway men’s national football team’s official photo for World Cup 2026 www.nytimes.com/athletic/733...
members of the Norway men’s national football team on a rocky shore, styled as a fierce group of ancient Vikings. They are dressed in elaborate historical costumes, including fur-trimmed capes, leather tunics, chainmail, and armor pieces, while holding traditional gear like circular wooden shields, spears, axes, swords, and blowing horns. In the background, longships rest on a calm body of water that cuts through a vast, dramatic fjord. The rugged landscape is framed by massive, steep green mountains, with a thin waterfall cascading down a cliff face on the left, all under a cloudy, overcast sky.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
The trailer for the new #MastersOfTheUniverse movie wasn’t what I expected vm.tiktok.com/ZNRv1AJC3/
vm.tiktok.com
TikTok - Make Your Day
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
x.com/zoomafrika1/...
x.com
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
I bet my Viking ancestors didn’t have to put up with this bullshit!
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Jim Shoulder @unknownshoulder.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Failed my James Bond audition as 'was too old, not good at acting' and had 'a bit of a gut'. Onwards.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
I see Jesus is trending. Hope he’s ok.
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AitchPea @thros.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
face plant
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Still a hint of asparagus. #KindaLingers
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MrPaulRobinson @mrpaulrobinson.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Is it 'a letter from HR'?
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 29/03/2026
@glennyrodge.bsky.social Happy Birthday!
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
Why ‘A-ha lead singer biographer’ and not ‘M. Harket researcher’? #totp
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Beau @drbeaubeaumont.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
Honestly, you’d have thought that if anyone would have known the best time to ask for a driver, it’d be Tiger Woods.
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Jeffw @jeffw.bsky.social · 11/09/2025
If self-deprecation was a competitive sport, I probably wouldn't even get a medal.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
Public Service Announcement: Drivers are advised to avoid all roads leading to Andover, Hampshire. There aren’t any road closures.. it’s just, you know, awful. #PSA
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
I bet Bruce Lee is shitting himself #ChuckNorris
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
Shocking images of how crystal meth has ruined a young girl in just 2 years. #justsayno
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
Top 5 invisible things; 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 14/03/2026
Top 5 invisible things; 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
I think I just got a bot follow from some keyword in my last 3 tweets. I remember on Twitter when that was a new thing so you could post random words to gain many followers if you were shallow hammer car tits food travel tits tools equipment more tits boat fish animal discount AI invest tits tits
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
Actually, being nearly 2m tall, my gravestone will probably read ‘Move along, please. You’re standing on my shin.’
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
My epitaph will read “He knew his audience.”
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
Fell down the hole of a TikTok channel HowAnimalsPoops. Not my proudest 10 minutes but I can say that Rhinos for the win but cockroaches just yuck!
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
Oh, the grand old duke of york He ██████████████████ He ██████████████████ And he ██████████████████
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Ian Power @ihpower.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
Yes, I do get a high on brake fluid. But I can stop any time I like.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. Oh my God! There’s so much blood!
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
I woke up feeling grumpy, this morning. The other 6 dwarves were huddled, terrified, at the foot of my bed.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
I've found god. It's my turn to hide now.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
I’ve been doing ‘Parrot Pilates’. It really works macaw.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
This is who runs this account.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
I had many Uncles, growing up in Norway. My Uncle Sven (pictured) used to babysit me. Aside from my night-terrors and bed-wetting into adulthood… I remember him fondly.
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Yourself but as a cartoon
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Don’t eat…
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
#Science The Great White Shark is the most feared but also the most studied of all sharks so we know, empirically, that they predate dinosaurs, don’t celebrate birthdays or masturbate. Which raises the question… Can we really blame them?
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Quote post with a picture of you being a dork
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Andre the Viking @andre-the-viking.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
I feel confident that most of you hold firm the belief that, if on a strange, rocky landscape and some rocks were not behaving within expected parameters. Then the ideal stranger to bump into would be a Geologist. Well, you’d be wrong! Roll film.
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