Reposted by Our friend in the North
Yesterday's breakfast was fryed bread tomatoes poridge and tea. We have to clean the toilets today.
Our friend in the North
@abigbiglovepaul.bsky.social
137 followers 246 following 210 posts
All the way down the east coast.
![[Scene is heaven, in clouds. JESUS, acting as God’s PA, is briefing God, a big ball of light with arms sat at an executive desk, with a computer on it].
Jesus [holding a tablet computer]:
OK, so -
The next one to check in on is…
‘Earth’.
God: Spelling?
Jesus: E-A-R-T-H.
[God types into the computer]
tap-tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap.
God: F—ing hell.
What’s happened here!?
We need to complain - get me the manager.
Jesus: Uh, well, the most powerful one is…
[Jesus turns his iPad round to show God. We can’t see the screen]
God: What is that.
I mean, it’s been a while but that’s definitely not how I designed them. Are you sure we’ve got the right planet?
Jesus: Yes, this is the… top human.
God: Off and on it again
Jesus: I’ll book the meteor
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiblqrz666ald2ptzqnno6lgs5tpfqqus3mqyvwop4hitu67n3r4ma)
![Title panel:
CHRISTMAS… AT THE BBC.
The Traitors Christmas Special:
Who in the BBC Boardroom is trying to bring down the gaff from within?
[Image: The Traitors scene with Claudia Winkleman looking like “ooh-er” while the BBC board sit at a table looking suspiciously at each other]
Apologising To The People Who Want To Destroy Us At Christmas:
A festive extravaganza of self-flagellation before our enemies
[Image: A cozy fireside scene with Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Kemi Badenoch standing, while at their feet lots of BBC employees are kneeling before them and begging for forgiveness].
Donald's Big Distraction:
Heartwarming Julia Donaldson animation in which a dragon sues the BBC to draw his friends' attention onto something else
[Image: Julia Donaldson’s ‘Zog’ with a Donald Trump wig, holding up a lawyer’s letter to show his dragon friends while trying to block their view of a pile of box files and computer drives some with ‘Epstein’ written on them].
The King's Speech:
We let Nigel Farage tell you the BBC is left wing as if that's some kind of fact
[Image: Nigel Farage as the King delivering his Christmas speech to camera].
A Ghost Story for Christmas:
A venerable British institution is haunted by Boris Johnson's appointees
[Image: A BBC studio with a window, outside in the dark snowy night a spectral apparition in the form of Robbie Gibb taps at the window and wails “I want to destroooy you”]
Christmas Labour Inertia-Time:
Keir Starmer and Lisa Nandy present four hours of total silence from under their desks
[Image: Show them both under their desks holding up glasses of sherry]
Rightward Drift Christmas Special:
A bonanza of trust-corrosion with confected immigration panic and Reform coverage
[Image: A computer and a smartphone in a cute snowy scene, both displaying the BBC News website with multiple headlines and LIVE feeds and and BREAKING NEWS stories headlined: “IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS!”]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreietljvkssrlfwyblu4khsm37dj3753r23rizf7p56rhmo52folnme)
