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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 20h

Surely it is time for the authorities to take this Fairford terrorism case out of the hands of the police & pass it over to Nigel Farage, Richard Tice & Isabel Oakeshott etc. These people have the expertise & skills to have this all solved & explained to the public by tonight.👍

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I’m beginning to worry about Liz Truss…😊

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Our Danny Who art in prison Racist be thy name Thy balaclava come Thy will be done In ports as it is on dinghies Give us this day Our daily funding & forgive us our racism as we intimidate those who speak against us & lead us all into aggravation But deliver us from being civil. 🙏

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Huge apologies. My wife Bunty and I have been hacked by an AI program. Hopefully this matter will be resolved by tomorrow. 😬

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Mr Tommo’s local vicar in front of his church ‘Are Blessid Laydee and All Are Souls.’

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

This is Reform UK Councillor Jaymey looking ‘cute.’ Isn’t he gorgeous? My only worry is I hope he hasn’t suffered autism in this photo & has posed Gregg Wallace style without his trousers on. Jaymey has allegedly had some Masterchef issues before involving a sausage & veg dish.😳

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Andy Burnham. Drinks 12-15 cups of tea a day? Ha! What a wimp. When we Conservatives were in power Nadine Dorries was drinking 12-15 bottles of vodka a day. 😊💪

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Reform UK MPs are apparently in charge of this parliamentary inquiry & have found out the reasons for our Eurovision failures. -Migrants -Too many regulations against Crypto Billionaires -Rachel the Piddington leftie -The RNLI They believe Ed Sheeran should be this year’s entry.😊

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

I have formed a patriotic vigilante force in the village. We are The Gussage Patriot Guard. Naturally we disguise our identity. At the snap of a custard cream we can be mobilised to: Quote the bible Urinate in public Set up funding pages Eat spicy foods Spit Chant in cockney. 🇬🇧

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

What Reform UK will spend their £72M donations on: Robert Jenrick’s Mounjaro Bacon sandwiches Balaclavas Recruiting Conservative ex ministers Full home and away football kits Oysters Pints of beer used as props Holidays to Dubai Gags for Zia Yusuf Old men with walking sticks. 🇬🇧

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

You might not like him but one thing you must say about Lee Anderson is you will never catch him blowing his own trumpet. He is a modest & humble man who never boasts about himself. He might be boisterous but Lee has no ego & never lies about himself or his achievements. 🤔

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Len our ‘Reform UK’ butcher in the village has gone full Danny Tommo. For 2 pork chops Jill in the village shop has agreed to knit him a black balaclava so he can go about incognito. He’s started slapping his wife, smoking Spice & telling us all he is protecting ‘are dawters.’ 😳

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Tommy Robinson considers his future this morning after last night’s Channel 4 documentary…

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Do listen! As we all know Reform UK have a ‘shadow’ cabinet. For example Zia Yusuf is their Shadow Home Secretary.😂 This chap talking at the recent Reform conference is their Shadow Royal Majesty, King of The UK. Nah Nah Yeah Nah… 🙄

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

The new photo of the Reform ‘team’ from their recent conference should go down well with their supporters…

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

‘You, Boy! Get me a walking stick. I’m off to hit loads of women on the head who disagree with me!’

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

In light of these new allegations about illegal funding, it is my opinion that Nigel Farage should step down as MP for Clacton. He should then stand again in the by-election and let the people of Clacton decide if he’s guilty or not of breaking electoral law. 😉

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I must admit I’m not overly impressed by the new presenter on GB News. 🇬🇧😳

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

TRANSFER WINDOW LATEST! Priti Patel➡️Reform Chris Mason➡️GB News Donald Trump➡️Greenland Rupert Lowe➡️Third Reich Berlin FC Nigel Farage➡️Anywhere But Clacton Ben Stokes➡️‘Shags’Nightclub Basildon Andrew Windsor➡️San Quentin Penitentiary BBC➡️Sky TV Carol Kirkwood➡️El Niño.

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

CALLING June Slater. CALLING Sarah Pochin. CALLING Nadine Dorries. Laydees! Here’s a right wing patriotic hotee who’ll get your juices flowing.🔥 This stud’s name is Brexit Brian. He’s single, smells of mature cheddar & can tie his own shoelaces (just). Go get him girrrrls! 💋

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

I despair of Andy Burnham. 🤨 It started simply with him just strumming guitar on a military aircraft. Now it’s developed into this, with Andy using a fully choreographed music video to put his socialist message across! 😡

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

We Tories LOVE James Cleverly our new candidate for London Mayor but he is a bit of a clot.😄 Remember his campaign video for a candidate whose name he couldn’t pronounce in a constituency he couldn’t remember? Are you ready for Clever Jim London? 😳

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

The village gave the scarecrows their annual day out. Mr Lumpy, Chinwag & Little Billy were all allowed to shout at nobody in particular in the big city. They had a wonderful time! When they got back home they were put back in the fields with a glass of milk & some warm turnip.👨‍🌾

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

With serious flood alerts all across the UK today Richard Tice says we should embrace the flooding. ‘Let’s enjoy all this lovely wet weather & excess water’ he has commented, ‘it helps us to improve our swimming skills & has given a real boost to our sandbag and bikini industry.’

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

June Slater: Our nation’s Nan. Caring and loving. Her teeth shine so bright! The sort of Nan who gives you a bowl of comforting warm soup and a cuddle when you feel down. Her latest appearance on social media proves what a sympathetic & affectionate woman she really is… 👵❤️

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

So Lee Anderson has got one of his fiendishly difficult questions for us again: And I’m going to guess the answer is… Ashfield! 😉

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

The Daily Mail editorial team get together in a coven in the wilds of Dartmoor to discuss their coverage of Harry and Meghan:

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

“Look Peter! I can see Julia Fartly Brewer, Sarah Whine, Isabel Cokeshot & all the right wing press doing a collective knife sharpening in preparation for Meghan’s return.”

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

Richard Tice is RIGHT to say we should enjoy the heat & stop fighting the climate crisis: It’s a boon to the air conditioning industry. We don’t have to mow the lawn as there is no lawn. Oldies dying off relieves the social care system. Lots of water sports to enjoy in Winter!😊

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Zia Yusuf has a bloody cheek to be writing this vile & offensive tweet. 😡 Why? Because it is truly insulting to suggest a Conservative such as my good self would use the phrase: “Trust me bro.” 😤

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Today Zia Yusuf will be attacking the following: Small jars of mustard Luton Town season ticket holders Ronnie Pickering The Scissor Sisters Carol Kirkwood❤️ People who whistle in the mornings The eclipse Moths Big Zuu All women named Lisa Deer Hairy mounds Virgin olive oil. 🇬🇧

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Well one thing. The Daily Mail is criticised for its sensationalism, its insensitivity, its lack of compassion and its bullying of people it doesn’t like. But in the case of Jason Arday it has acted with restraint and understanding. As examples of their coverage shows… 🙁

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

A rather hungover middle aged man who has been partying all night calls the police liars. My wife Bunty tells me he’s an MP. Really? 😱 More like one of those obnoxious yobs you see on those reality programmes about the police on Channel 5.

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

Sarah clutched Lee’s bacon sodden stomach & whispered sweet nothings in his crusty ears. As he broke wind Lee felt a stirring. His manhood rose. The smell of onion & lard enveloped them both. ‘Take me’ Sarah huskily groaned as Lee belched. Like a fried egg she moistened rapidly…

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

Non woke ways to watch tonight’s Eclipse: -Take a moth & point him directly at your wife. -Cover eyes with cheese slices & place head in a box. - Take a colander & drain spaghetti whilst listening to Chaka Demus & Pliers. -Remove shoes, stand in bowl of milk & vibrate gently. 🌒

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

I do hope Ben Wallace remembers that Zia Yusuf fought with Lee Anderson in The Battle of The Somme…😉

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

“Hello Nigel Farage here. I take it you’ll be voting for me in the by-election on Thursday…”

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Gregg Wallace tells me there is a man standing behind him who is coming. 😳 This sort of lewd pornography is disgusting. Mr Wallace should feel ashamed of himself! 😡

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

Jill,Simple Sally,Bunty & old Mrs Cobb went on Jenny Farquhar-Smythe’s hen do last night. The stripper ‘Elon’ was a let down though. ‘No meat all veg’ as Jill commented. ‘I’m sure I’ve seen him somewhere before’ Mrs Cobb remarked. ‘Yes at the farmyard petting area’ said Sally. 😳

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

Let me make this claw. My wife Bunty & I wept when we heard the suffering Richard Tice is going through. The Poor love. I think we now realise why the beloved MP for Dubai is now taking his frustrations out on Deliveroo drivers. Let’s continue to pray for this persecuted man. 🙏🏻

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

So lovely of the fragrant Lucy Connolly to agree with me that the Reform UK party conference was just one big boozy knees up with no serious politics involved at all. 😉

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Lee Anderson showing his tender side: “Here’s 30p son, treat yourself to a slap up meal.”

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

11:15am yesterday, our village. Are these the first migrants from Ceuta to reach Dorset? A number of young lads in Cub Scout uniforms leapt out of a minibus & invaded Jill’s shop. They had no idea what Apple Cobbler was and taunted Simple Sally with their woggles. Deport. Now.

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

Hmmmm… Will RichardTice now be calling a by-election in his constituency so he can fight against a bin? 🤔

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Sir Michael Take CBE @sirmichaeltake.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

60K migrants who entered Spain coming our way? Bailiffs seizing your dead parents’ old car in their garage to pay an imaginary death tax? Fighting for democracy against a bin? Reform MPs’statements in the past week. Reform UK are officially the NEW Monster Raving Loony Party! 😉

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