iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Someone please do a gif of James rolling his eyes at the masked druid opening the door #CelebrityTraitors

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Well, I didn't predict Ross Kemp descending into paranoid madness before James Acaster, that's for sure #CelebrityTraitors

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Shahan Miah @shahanshahan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

✅ Boats ✅ Fire ✅ Gargoyles ✅ Skeletons Yep, it's a #Traitors mission all right. #CelebrityTraitors #TheTraitors

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I've just declared myself as a traitor by mistake #CelebrityTraitors #TheCelebrityTraitors

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But Andrew Hickey Died Ten Years Ago This Very Night @andrewhickey.500songs.com · 01/10/2026

It me. I would never have been happy hanging out in jazz clubs in Harlem in the 20s or on Central Ave in the 50s or Greenwich Village in the 60s or whatever. I'd have still found all the cool people deeply irritating and unpleasant, just like I did the people of my own generation.

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Ohhhh shit, it all makes sense now

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Harsh, but fair. Also, I will support the reintroduction of thorn (obviously) and eth until my dying day.

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You'd hope things would be a little less tone deaf today and maybe they are in some regards but you would not *believe* the number of times I've been told my infant daughter "is gonna break some hearts one day" 🙄

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Re all the discourse of little girls being sexualised: When I was 7 months old, I won a baby beauty pageant. We were on holiday at Pontins and my parents thought it would be a laugh. I was barely on solids. And no, the takeaway from this is not 'Zoe's just pissed because she's never won one since'.

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Michael Spicer @michaelspicer.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Most TV is just this now.

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

I think my least favourite harmless social media trend is "X has the chance to do the funniest thing." I can never work out what that funny thing might be, and I assume I must be stupid for not immediately seeing it.

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Ryan @ryanwright.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

This is how I remember the order of Henry VIII’s wives.

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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

*blackadder theme* His head is bigger than a fence He breathes, and everything gets warmer His urge to trample represents A nation's nuclear war trauma Godzilla! Godzilla! The scourge of beast and man! Godzilla! Godzilla! He's flattening Japan!

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

So let me get this straight, not only do the French get 2 hour lunch breaks but their toothpaste does their emails for them?

French toothpaste advertising 8 in 1, with a list of those features, including plaque, fraîcheur and, yes, émail.

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I mean, assuming that it didn't make them late for the interview, showing up with an iced coffee demonstrates forethought, preparation, self-reliance and good time management, no?

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

"When shall we three meet again?" "[sigh] You clearly haven't checked the GANTT chart, the shared calendar OR the meeting agenda that I sent out last week."

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

British. 2 coffees, one tea but that's less than usual as it was a warm, sunny day. Ask me again in a month or so and it'll likely be double.

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Final Friztination @frizfrizzle.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

It's Bi Visibility Day, which means I'm only visible every two months, not twice a month.

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Oh shit. Just realised that ironically I *didn't* remember this year that the 21st September was Earth Wind & Fire Day.

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Draculosity Jones: Ghost Skeleton @brainmage.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Oh! How did I forget about the time at primary school that the vicar came to do an assembly, during which he opened a can of dog food and started eating it with a fork, to our horrified shrieks? And it turned out he'd filled it with mashed up Mars Bars and the moral was not to judge appearances.

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Happy bi visibility day. Don't forget to wear your bi-viz vests.

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Happy to everyone else who merrily swings in all directions. Don't forget to unpretzel yourself and sit properly for a couple of minutes to give your back a break.

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Essentially, countries that don't have the tradition of school assemblies have no idea what they're missing out on.

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Another time, one of the HoYs was leading the assembly when his phone went off. He answered it, said, "I'm on my way," and announced his wife had gone into labour and he had to run. He *vaulted* over the gym benches and dashed out while 150 kids went crazy, cheering for him.

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Oh! And when I was a teacher, I taught for a while in a school that had its own farm. One year, as a prank on their last day, some Y11s snuck in and released 20-odd chickens into the hall during a whole-school assembly. It was absolute glorious carnage.

To be fair, I also caused plenty of weird assemblies myself. In primary school, I used to write these turgid little shows and perform them in assembly with my mates. Though Owl & Pussycat: The Musical in Y5 was a banger to be fair, and I can still remember most of the rapping turkey vicar's song.

And the time she did an entire assembly on the fact that it was the 65th anniversary of the invention of the biro pen, culminating with her whispering, genuinely choked up with emotion, "Happy birthday, biro."

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Honourable mentions: My very first day after moving to that school, the same headteacher sang Oh Lord Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz for no reason that I could ascertain and I wondered what sort of school I'd got myself into.

Kat Brown @katbrownwrites.com · 23/09/2026

Bizarre things that happened in your assembly: The head teacher said she had something serious to tell us about an incident in the toilets and that she was going to use some "colourful language" to express how angry she was about it. Then from nowhere she yelled, "SOMEONE SHAT ON THE FLOOR!"

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Husband was browsing guernseys on the RNLI website yesterday (they have exceptionally nice jumpers, decorations, and Christmas cards to send to Reform HQ without stamps on) and it was very heartening to see that you couldn’t get express delivery as an option due to “exceptional demand and support.”

High Demand Affecting Delivery

Free UK delivery on orders £50 and over
100% of profits support RNLI lifeboat crews
Shipping to Ireland: Customs Charges Apply

High Demand Affecting Delivery
Please note that due to exceptional demand and support for the RNLI, deliveries are currently taking longer than usual. We apologise for any inconvenienc

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Professionally Nosy @professionallynosy.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Oh, I've been there! I'm so glad you were able to retrieve it.

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My Rage Against the Machine/Les Mis mashup is complete. This is my interpretation of the quilt guild’s summer challenge “quilt with your interpretation and/or feelings towards our current ‘democracy’” all hand stitched.

Quilt hanging on a card catalog. Neutral background with navy cursive appliqué “Do you hear thr people sing?” The background is embroidered in red starting light and getting bolder the lyrics to “killing in the name” the quilting effect is a focused sunburst from the center.

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Gretchen McCulloch @gretchenmcculloch.com · 21/09/2026

bouba and kiki

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Mikel Reparaz @wikiparaz.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

PAUL: What’s in the box? REVEREND MOTHER: Pain. [PAUL hesitantly puts his hand in the BOX, then FROWNS IN CONFUSION. He pulls out A BAGUETTE.] REVEREND MOHER: Hōn hōn,

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Zoe Thorne @zoethorne.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

My confession is that I find people who think they're too good for the travelators at airports insufferably smug. So when I overtake them, I make an effort (also probably insufferably smugly) to show how little effort I'm putting in while still going faster than them. They never notice.