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the apple guy™

@wackhumanbeing.bsky.social
172 followers 158 following 350 posts

central new jersey exists and i know because i was born there. librarian, but with food instead of books. knick knack store enthusiast. BLM/ACAB. he/him.

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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
[willa cather but if she were from the great lakes] ope! pioneers
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phylan @phylan.website · 24/07/2026
we need hostile architecture for the politically homeless
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
🚨🚨🚨 JACKSON BLAKE FLOW ALERT 🚨🚨🚨
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
people who are not complicit famously love saying “i am not complicit”. that’s how you can tell they are not complicit. because they tell you. they say “i am not complicit” and it proves they are not complicit.
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Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
whenever someone on here complains that an independent creator is charging for their content i’m like “oh there’s a republican who doesn’t know it yet”
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pork, cheese, broccoli rabe @garlicbuffalo.gobirds.biz · 01/09/2025
happy labor day
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
@cheatlines.co Darryl B. Blood
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
unfortunately nobody from the two apple cup rosters made the All-Heirloom Team, although washington punter Hunter Green should perhaps feel aggrieved to miss out
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
my left and right hand scoot mcnairy
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
sorry did you say “zelle me” (because you want money) or “zel me” (because you want pretzels)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
[eating a very specific pepper] he really put his whole jimmy nardussy into this
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Two members of the 2026 All-Heirloom Team are in action on Week Zero: Easton Black (Punter, TCU) and Savion Red (Running Back, Sacramento State)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Here's a silly little thing I do as a fun exercise at the start of every college football season. Presenting the 2026 All-Heirloom Team.
The 2026 FBS All-Heirloom Team (The College Football Players Whose Nmaes Sound The Most Like Old-Timey Apple Varieties)2026 All-Heirloom Team Offense:
QB: Arrington Maiden (James Madison)
RB: Savion Red (Sacramento State)
WR: Major Pride (UCLA)
WR: Roman Mothershed (LSU)
WR: Prince Jean (Kentucky)
TE: Gray Maultsby (Miami Ohio)
OT: King Large (Missouri State)
OG: Willie Goodacre (North Texas)
C: Ashton Funk (Texas A&M)
OG: Jimmy Walls (Sam Houston State)
OT: August Weight (Akron)2026 All-Heirloom Team Defense
DE: James Early (Cincinnati)
DT: Leonard Sharp (Toledo)
DT: Titan Davis (Michigan)
DE: Emerson Joy (West Virginia)
LB: Blanche Gold (UAB)
LB: Royal Weber (Missouri State)
LB: Langston Long (Toledo)
CB: Jeremiah Favorite (Michigan State)
S: Red Morgan (Alabama)
S: Marquis Raspberry (Oregon State)
CB: Rodrick Pleasant (UCLA)2026 All-Heirloom Team Special Teams
K: Colton Boomer (Boise State)
P: Anderson Green (Alabama)
LS: Deed Capper (Virginia Tech)
KR: Ben Black (Rutgers)
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victoria zeller🫛 (RISEBALL, summer ‘27) @dirtbagqueer.rocks · 25/08/2026
she was 100x braver about this shit in 1985 than country artists are now
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kate bush’s husband @airbagged.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
RIP TO ONE OF THE GREATEST TO EVER DO IT
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
granny smith is not actually “a good baking apple”, it is simply the best option for baking in your average US grocery store.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
i've given it some thought and i've decided i'm going to become A Catch
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
audible "noooooooooo" when reacher ordered his cheesesteak with wiz
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
in one sense i go to therapy every other week (appointments with my therapist). in another arguably more important sense i only go to therapy once every couple of years (big big cry at a spider-man movie).
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jenny tightpants @jtp.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
learning that the WNBA news cycle about trans people involves zero trans people feels like coming accross a cartoon dust cloud that dissipates to reveal there's only one guy in it kicking his own ass
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
meme of squidward sullenly looking out the window where spongebob and patrick having fun are "the good brand and everyone else watching college football" and squidward is "me, technically excluded because i'm watching """the 33rd nfl team""""
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
me: it's not just a nice bonus that the beat is so well crafted and catchy! the comedy literally only works in this instance *because* they love and respect the art form enough to take the accompanying music very very seriously. akiva schaffer: YO FOR REAL THOUGH I SUFFER FROM STINKY DICK
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Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Jaya rules, and Ravenous rules! This is such a vivid example of how generative AI does not "democratize" art and culture like its boosters claim. It actually increases the need for/impulse towards gatekeeping because in practice, AI just democratizes fraud. Actual work still takes time and skill!
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christina @formeresq.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Social work? I sure hope it does
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
@lerbonjanes u like what u see?
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
unfortunately my honest to god answer to this is Reuben Sandwich
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
so lovely that djed got to show out for the subset of americans who just tune in for the world cup, because he is one of the most NFL-coded personalities in world football right now
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
this is what i mean when i say i’m in the pocket of special interest
menu section called “Special Interest” that has lamb rogan josh in it
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
“a stweetcaw named desiwe” by infant playwright Teensie Williams
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Erin Vanderhoof @vanderhoofy.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
The best part of my humanities education was discovering this grand conversation happening throughout time that didn’t depend on me or even involve me *at all*. I think eliminating that is a reason why society trashes the humanities constantly
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Quinta Jurecic @qjurecic.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
It makes sense that the far right loves the idea that trans girls can overpower cis girls, because that naturally follows from the position that cis women are inherently weak. The fact that people nominally on the left adopt this position, and claim it to be feminist, is somewhat more puzzling
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
heartbreaking news: all of my coworkers have heard me use the joke "[points at the cover of this book] this is what they say when they see me in the streets" and now i need to develop an actual personality
the cover of the novel "tom's crossing" by mark z. danielewski
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
got a great feeling about tonight’s Balcony Report™️
an empty stage with the backdrop of the promotional material for comedy bang bang’s ground beefing tour 2026
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
hey kaga-san, what's your favorite kind of joga?
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
@shutdownfullcast.bsky.social got to the gym and paused right before the jelly roll name reveal so my intrusive morning workout thought was “jellard rollins”
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Brian Floyd @brianmfloyd.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
what do you believe in? say it outloud, say it with your whole chest. if you can’t do that, you don’t actually believe in anything except being a weak coward that somewhere deep down knows exactly why what you’re doing is wrong
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
canes
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
variation of the "gotta be one of my favorite genders" meme with the following text:
shout out to hidratación fr
gotta be one of my favorite pausas
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
nik ehlers plays an extremely libidinous brand of ice hockey
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Callie 🥿🪨 @calligator.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
THIS IS A BAD FRAMING, STOP IT. The number of trans kids in sports is really small largely BECAUSE OF this shit, and also the numbers SHOULD NOT matter to anyone working towards inclusivity and DO NOT matter to anyone arguing against it!
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Ryan North @ryannorth.ca · 28/05/2026
Part of being an AI user in creative works is convincing yourself that everyone ELSE uses it too, because otherwise you have to confront the reality that you're a faker and a fraud
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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 03/09/2025
The Coca-Cola Freestyle machine is an echo chamber. Good luck finding nuanced debates about hot button issues on that touch screen. It’s just soda names and flavored syrups
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
been trying to figure out who cole caufield looks like and i finally got it
tim key's character "reserve face" from set 5 game 11 of "no more jockeys". tim is wearing a blond wig and has a pair of sunglasses resting on top of his lips, creating an effect of a short and noseless face.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
bball paul is short for basketball pasketpaul
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
refreshing my browser so i can be first in line for front row seats at the Mathys Tel Dick Kicking Tour 2026
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victoria zeller🫛 (RISEBALL, summer ‘27) @dirtbagqueer.rocks · 07/05/2026
🚨THE CAT IS FINALLY OUT OF THE BAG🚨 my second book has a name - RISEBALL - and a home - dutton! - and an editor - the inimitable @andrewkarre.bsky.social !! it will be bookshelves in summer 2027!!!!! i cannot wait for you all to meet amy and josie, the horrible nightmare sisters of my dreams
Andrew Karre at Dutton Children's Books has acquired, at auction, Riseball by Stonewall Award-winning author Victoria Zeller (One of the Boys), a contemporary YA novel about estranged sisters who must play on the same softball team after one of them comes out as transgender. Publication is scheduled for summer 2027; Jordan Hamessley at JABberwocky Literary Agency brokered the deal for North American English rights.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
just went to my first canes game lol
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victoria zeller🫛 (RISEBALL, summer ‘27) @dirtbagqueer.rocks · 03/05/2026
carolina got a guy named stank oven
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
well sure logan stankoven is the hottest player on planet earth and literally has not trailed in the playoffs yet. but have you considered that Rantanen's Getting Sizzling Fajitas
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
me trying to remember what ll cool j's hat is like:
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