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the apple guy™

@wackhumanbeing.bsky.social
176 followers 158 following 353 posts

central new jersey exists and i know because i was born there. librarian, but with food instead of books. knick knack store enthusiast. BLM/ACAB. he/him.

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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
what is a declaration of independence if not a very particular way to say hey, what’s up, hello
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
the break room of the public library i work at. my lunch break lines up with what i expect to be the only time frame during which notre dame-unc will still be “””close”””.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
blue man onion
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
ready for the world-oh sheila underscores-the peace michel legrand-what are you doing for the rest of your life (but just the melody and not the lyrics because i’ve been listening to lots of instrumental versions of it, mostly bill evans and bobby hutcherson)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
if we’re talking about best song he wrote? “two occasions” and “rock steady” might be 1 and 2 for me and he knocked those out barely a year apart. absolute menace.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
fuck i didn’t know big mike stuhlbarg was in this. is it too late to change my answer to “reply for big mike stuhlbarg”
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
RT
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
post such as this from my good pal tate
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
they’re taking the chicken sandwich off the autozone menu as we speak
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
congratulations on achieving the highest honor in the field of Wackhumanbeing’s Telephone Studies (entry in the note where i keep random bits of found language to use as trivia team names)
list of potential future trivia team names from my notes app. i just added “unknown woman on the water treatment plant tour” to the list
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
time for him to earn the "Iron Chef" nickname
ESPN player page header for JC French IV, Cincinnati Beacats Quarterback
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
There Are Purdues Everywhere For Those With L’s To Take
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
weenie data centers
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Reposted by the apple guy™
phylan @phylan.website · 24/07/2026
we need hostile architecture for the politically homeless
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
a movie my mother hated so much that it almost killed my parents' budding relationship after ~3 dates
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
this is 35, maybe 40 goals worth of salad
carolina hurricanes forward jackson blake having his picture taken at media day with significantly longer blond hair than he had last year
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
🚨🚨🚨 JACKSON BLAKE FLOW ALERT 🚨🚨🚨
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
unfortunately i fear it's a case of "unc head coach dabo swinney"
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
[“virtual insanity” voice] the future’s // made of // hoppy pickle lemonade
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
am i bugging or did i spy gil ozeri alongside ben schwartz? huge if true
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
amazing answer, but considering the speaker i was hoping for "ARBY'S: We Have The Meat Wall"
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
people who are not complicit famously love saying “i am not complicit”. that’s how you can tell they are not complicit. because they tell you. they say “i am not complicit” and it proves they are not complicit.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
could've emulated any of john brown's qualities and they chose "lying a-mouldering in the grave" smh
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
The Blunder War
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
lord help us if a team ever becomes Spellbinding
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Reposted by the apple guy™
Jon Bois @jonbois.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
whenever someone on here complains that an independent creator is charging for their content i’m like “oh there’s a republican who doesn’t know it yet”
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
so you finally got tired of people telling you it’s actually The Great Clock Of Westminster and Big Ben is just the name of the bell
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
more like U Can't C Davis
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Reposted by the apple guy™
pork, cheese, broccoli rabe @garlicbuffalo.gobirds.biz · 01/09/2025
happy labor day
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
@cheatlines.co Darryl B. Blood
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
for what it's worth, "anderson" is a documented synonym of green cannon pearmain (per dan bussey's "illustrated history of apples in the united states and canada"). this is definitely a thing i knew beforehand and not a thing i discovered retroactively.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
unfortunately nobody from the two apple cup rosters made the All-Heirloom Team, although washington punter Hunter Green should perhaps feel aggrieved to miss out
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
my left and right hand scoot mcnairy
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
slapping the sign above my desk that says “work like a chump today”
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
if rax has a million sad boys, then i am one of them. if rax has ten sad boys, then i am one of them. if rax has only one sad boy, it is me. if rax has no sad boys, then that means i am too sad to leave the house. if the world is against rax, then i am against the world, and also crying.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
standing nude screaming in the street is a longstanding pillar of central new jersey culture and i won't have its good name besmirched by association with greg schiano
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
apologies if this is ground y'all have already covered but, do you consider every missed kick that hits a bar to be a doink? or is it based on the volume or timbre of the resulting sound? i've always distinguished between "doinks" and "bonks" but i think i'm in the minority on that.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
sorry did you say “zelle me” (because you want money) or “zel me” (because you want pretzels)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
homefield college baseball x sade collection called “Diamond Life”. i take cash check or electronic transfer.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
it evolved from rosenthal to frozenthal to freezer. we all know this.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
the exact midpoint between “phantom island do show” and “phantom island don’t show”
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
[eating a very specific pepper] he really put his whole jimmy nardussy into this
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Two members of the 2026 All-Heirloom Team are in action on Week Zero: Easton Black (Punter, TCU) and Savion Red (Running Back, Sacramento State)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Here's a silly little thing I do as a fun exercise at the start of every college football season. Presenting the 2026 All-Heirloom Team.
The 2026 FBS All-Heirloom Team (The College Football Players Whose Nmaes Sound The Most Like Old-Timey Apple Varieties)2026 All-Heirloom Team Offense:
QB: Arrington Maiden (James Madison)
RB: Savion Red (Sacramento State)
WR: Major Pride (UCLA)
WR: Roman Mothershed (LSU)
WR: Prince Jean (Kentucky)
TE: Gray Maultsby (Miami Ohio)
OT: King Large (Missouri State)
OG: Willie Goodacre (North Texas)
C: Ashton Funk (Texas A&M)
OG: Jimmy Walls (Sam Houston State)
OT: August Weight (Akron)2026 All-Heirloom Team Defense
DE: James Early (Cincinnati)
DT: Leonard Sharp (Toledo)
DT: Titan Davis (Michigan)
DE: Emerson Joy (West Virginia)
LB: Blanche Gold (UAB)
LB: Royal Weber (Missouri State)
LB: Langston Long (Toledo)
CB: Jeremiah Favorite (Michigan State)
S: Red Morgan (Alabama)
S: Marquis Raspberry (Oregon State)
CB: Rodrick Pleasant (UCLA)2026 All-Heirloom Team Special Teams
K: Colton Boomer (Boise State)
P: Anderson Green (Alabama)
LS: Deed Capper (Virginia Tech)
KR: Ben Black (Rutgers)
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
the lesser-spotted End Product™️
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
rutgers pinstripe bowl
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Reposted by the apple guy™
victoria zeller🫛 (RISEBALL, summer ‘27) @dirtbagqueer.rocks · 25/08/2026
she was 100x braver about this shit in 1985 than country artists are now
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Reposted by the apple guy™
kate bush’s husband @airbagged.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
RIP TO ONE OF THE GREATEST TO EVER DO IT
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
cody campbell walking on the texas tech football sideline, with the text bubble that says "Good morning I'm bored at work. And I am thinking of a bill" from victoria's previous post copy-pasted in.
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the apple guy™ @wackhumanbeing.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
granny smith is not actually “a good baking apple”, it is simply the best option for baking in your average US grocery store.
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