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The girl with the Garfield tattoo

@themaplewitch.bsky.social
718 followers 261 following 1.1K posts

Retired Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. Smarter than I act online. Overeducated and understimulated.

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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 21h
Today on the flight home, I ran into a woman that I have known since the middle school gifted program who then informed me that due to yoga induced sleep paralysis demons she has since been saved by Jesus’s holy word and is now a devout Catholic
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Practicing masking on airplanes by constantly having different back stories about what I do to fly first. It goes from “my partner flies for work and has a lot of miles” (truth) OR I’m a romantacy writer for mermaids and I was doing research on sea creature lore. (What I’ve told the man next to me)
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Michael Varrati @michaelvarrati.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
A cult-centric, arthouse horror movie set in a back alley of San Francisco…and we call it FOLSOMMAR.
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depths of wikipedia @depthsofwikipedia.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
it's the 40 year anniversary of cleveland's disastrous "balloonfest"
Balloonfest '86 was a fundraising event in Cleveland, Ohio, United States, held on September 27, 1986, in which the local chapter of United Way set a world record by releasing almost 1.5 million balloons.[2] The event was intended to be a harmless publicity stunt. However, the released balloons drifted back over the city and Lake Erie and landed in the surrounding area, causing problems for traffic and a nearby airport. In consequence, the organizers faced lawsuits seeking millions of dollars in damages,[1] and cost overruns put the event at a net loss.[3] The event also interfered with a United States Coast Guard search for two boaters who were later found drowned.[1]
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
someone just described Taylor swift as the first case of sexually transmitted CTE after hearing that Cleveland song
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I’ve been stuck in traffic for so long I got a text from uber asking if I was being human trafficked by my driver
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Michael Baumann @baumann.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Joe Pera reading the church announcements
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haunted girlfriend @sliceofwife.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
some of you were not reading your older cousin's V.C. Andrews novels at an impressionable age and it shows
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
They don’t know meme
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Someone who cut me off had a grogu sticker on their car so my road rage phrase was “ABORT BABY YODA YA CUNT”
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Jordan aka Jirdan @slclunk.com · 20/09/2026
I honestly can’t think of a better metaphor than the Department of War inviting a guy who padded his boxing records with scrubs right until he got hospitalized by someone who could actually fight
Department of War E
@DeptofWar
X.com
Last Thursday, we welcomed Logan and Jake Paul to the Pentagon to meet with our warriors.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
It turns out HR doesn’t appreciate it if you greet a Coworker with “pissin all by yourself handsome?” while waiting outside of the restroom for your turn
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I feel like the person who sets up the dynamite in a quarry only for someone else to get the gold underneath
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
If she doesn’t know how to mimic dial up Internet sounds with her voice she’s too young for you bro
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Big day for guys in age gap relationships that like to mansplain history that they’ve experienced.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Girl who thinks her boyfriend loves her because of some sort of ritual she performed during a full moon and not because the guy is genuinely into her because she’s funny and pretty
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DougExeter @dougexeter.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
dig through the TINKER and burn through the TAILOR and slam in the back of my SOLDIER SPY
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
“Oh phoebe Bridgers is so problematic, she dates married men and cheated on her most recent ex with her current partner who was in a long term relationship at the time” YEAH. AND THATS WHY SHE IS SO RELATABLE TO ME OKAY?!
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
The Swedish chef and a chicken
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
So all summer, I’ve been going to karaoke at this gay bar that pretends to be a punk bar, and I think the baby queers that congregate there have started to mythologize me the lady sitting in the corner keeping to herself until she goes out and absolutely murders a sad ballad.
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lauren @lauren.rotatingsandwiches.com · 31/08/2026
"i don't watch vertical video" is the aging millennial answer to "i dont even own a tv" insofar as it's both probably insufferable to be around and much better for your brain
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Call me Kathy the way I be givin him that ack ack ack
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
my favorite films are a red flag
sunset boulevard
possession
last night in soho
perfect blue
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
I just want to brag about how we’re 3/4 through the year and I’ve read 52 books. I reached my year end goal and have four months left!!
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Jimmy @stink67.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
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Chris Person @papapishu.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
TikTok has gotten better at doing the 23 year old with no cultural context rage bait bit because I saw a video that was like “This Body Horror Animated Movie Is Actually Terrifying” narrated in an aggressive monotone and the movie was The Triplets of Belleville.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Someone proposed at the death match wrestling event behind the punk bar and true love is real.
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Ryan Boyd @ryanboyd.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I'm a simple man, I like cold beer and beautiful women and I believe video games should be illegal.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
The new Phoebe Bridgers album really asks, why be sad about your ex when you could be making out with a tall funny guy instead.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Crying! At the world market
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I don’t dress for the male gaze, I dress for the 80 year old Jewish women at work who tell me how cute I am
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Ohioans will stare directly at a tornado and say “oh yeah we needed this”
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
My favorite part of the wikipedia entry for Watership Down is a picture of a rabbit, in case you didn't know what they look like
A rabbit in a meadow
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dxdiag @0nikamo.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Obsession was a coworker movie I'm afraid
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Apparently the pharmacist does not enjoy when you reply “fuck me up fam“ to them when they dispense all your antidepressants
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Cleveland libraries might go on strike!! Yay for @seiu1199wvkyoh.bsky.social
A drowning child in a pool labeled “workers” is ignored while a mother labeled “tax payer funds” lifts a happy child called “administration” into the air
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Seva @seva.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
the ideal academic life is being an eccentric Victorian lord. Invent a stamp licking machine at 22. Get elected to the Royal Academy for counting the beetles on your estate. Die in an arsenic explosion. The perfect life.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
I bet the girl that Ben Folds wrote Brick for doesn’t regret a single fucking thing
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Rob DenBleyker @robdenbleyker.com · 19/07/2026
bring back the Muppets
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Things aren’t looking good for ol’ Cleveland
A sign for Memphis kiddie park that says closed due to poor air quality272 - Very Unhealthy
Air quality index is 272, which is worse than yesterday at about this time.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Time to take my watermelon out for a stroll
Specialized protective watermelon basket with wheels that you can drag along behind you. It is silver and has a little blue bubble acrylic top.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Luckily I will never get the diarrhea parasite because I have the pallete of a toddler and would never willingly eat leaves.
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Rip Sam Neill, you always seemed to have a rough time at work boxd.it/UjNQe
boxd.it
Sam Neill goes on a work trip and everything goes terribly wrong
I hesitate to put possession on here because that happens after the work trip not during
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The girl with the Garfield tattoo @themaplewitch.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
I really think I like the person My new partner makes me want to be.
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