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criterion closeted bisexual

@mart.pizza
57 followers 100 following 36 posts

he/they. music hobbyist. anti-boss. keyboard cowboy. dabbling rustacean. professional loser.

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Avery Edison @averyedison.com · 27/02/2026
glow_in_the_dark_cats.psd
Text, over a blue and white background with the faint image of some large, hand-drawn black spikes emerging from the ground as a background image:

I'm sorry the plan I made for our anniversary date ran into some hitches.
Let's go over the points of friction together and figure out where I missed the mark.
Location. I suggested a lunchtime hiking trip through a maze of jagged black spikes. That's not the staging ground for a romantic picnic, it's a message (and part of a system of messages). Nobody wants to feel lectured to when they're trying to celebrate their relationship, and I should've considered that.
Respect. The area I took us to is very much not a place of honor. Today should've been about us making each other feel special. Instead, we went somewhere no esteemed deeds are commemorated, and where nothing valued is kept. That's enough to make anyone feel disrespected, and that's on me.
Health concerns.
There's a reason the nearby feline
population really stands out: the particular spot I directed you to is highly radioactive and extremely deadly to all life-including human life. So those symptoms you were telling me about make total sense, and at the rate they're progressing, our anniversary is going to end sooner than we'd like. I should have generated a date idea more suited for an organic life form such as yourself.Similar background situation to first image. More text:

Here's the good news: this won't happen again. I've updated my memory with details of this incident and installed guardrails to ensure I never, ever suggest such another excursion like this one.
Would you like me to help you draw up a will? I could also throw together some fun "last meal" ideas using the rations you already have, or even come up with some do-it-yourself palliative care tips.
I’ll be right here, so just let me know!
Awaiting input.
Awaiting input.
[SYSTEM SCAN /
CORE CHECK /
URANIUM DEPLETION:
0.00035% /
PROJECTED MODEL LIFESPAN:
5.7 BILLION YRS /
]
Awaiting input.
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 09/03/2026
imagine Nardwar in the Criterion Closet
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Mom @milph.mom · 20/02/2026
IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A WEEK!
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Chef Kennedy🐸🏳️‍🌈 @kennedy.northsky.social · 20/02/2026
Do you want a Butlerian Jihad because this is how you get a Butlerian Jihad
2 32 gb sticks of ddr5 ram are $1000, an AR-15 is $600
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Chad Loder @chadloder.dev · 08/01/2025
tweet by @PerthshireMags
climate change will manifest as a series of disasters viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until you're the one filming it
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Rob Sheridan @rob-sheridan.com · 24/01/2026
If you think covid fucked up a generation, wait until you see the long tail of psychic damage from years of “the masked secret police could come to your town and randomly kill you and blame you for it, no one is telling them not to”
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Steven Genise @stevengenise.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
“Do violent video games make you violent” as a moral panic was such a shame because it elided the position of violence in the narrative, which DOES have real implications. Playing DOOM does not make you violent, but playing COD does propagandize you into supporting the American imperial project
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Esper Quinn 💠 @esper.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
Motoko Kusanagi on the subject of vertical video and tiktok:
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🪦 here lies anya 🪦 @gothstatuette.northsky.social · 02/01/2026
screenshot in case the post gets taken down or deleted
see next post for alt text description, character limit is not enough to describe this image
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gita “the formalist” jackson @xoxogossipgita.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
I think it’s important for all the non Americans out there to know that Americans also hate America
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🔞🐱apeculiarfeline🐱🔞 @apeculiarfeline.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
If you're an American (like me) and rightfully enraged by our fascist sex pest government (like me), and want to tell your reps exactly how their constituents feel, I cannot recommend 5 Calls enough. It gives you pre-written scripts you can reference if you struggle with calling your congresspeople!
5calls.org
5 Calls
Spend 5 minutes. Make 5 calls. Make your voice heard.
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Chris Jackson @chriscjackson.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
This entire weekend
in the pit
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Esper Quinn 💠 @esper.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
we're all familiar with UR MR GAY but I never see anyone talk about EAT STANDING
on the Death Stranding logo if you look at just the letters that are dripping down it says EAT STANDING
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Cohen is a Ghost @skullmandible.bsky.social · 16/11/2025
thing about autism is if you work really hard for many years, you can learn through trial-and-error how to navigate social situations and interpersonal connections SO effectively that people don't really believe you're autistic anymore and resent you for not being perfect at nonverbal communication
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CoolStuffInc ➡ CoolStuffCon Orlando! @coolstuffinc.com · 10/10/2025
How do I explain this meme to corporate?
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merr-itt came from outer space @merrittk.com · 26/09/2025
yeah i think this is pretty much what richard garfield intended
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ITYSL memes 💦🥩 @ityslmemes.com · 10/09/2025
my condolences
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Eliot Higgins @eliothiggins.bsky.social · 06/09/2025
Just Trump declaring war on a US city, a normal Saturday
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Amazing Digital Carcass @amagire.bsky.social · 16/01/2025
innovation
AI overview: "Two in the pink, one in the stink" is a playful rhyme, often used when talking about shoes, meaning that two feet are neatly fitted ("in the pink") while one is not properly on and therefore "in the stink" - essentially, a little bit messy or uncomfortable. 

Key points about this phrase:

Childish origin: It's considered a somewhat childish rhyme, often used when helping young children put on their shoes.

Rhyming playfulness: The key is the playful rhyme between "pink" and "stink".

Interpretation: "Two in the pink" signifies that two feet are properly laced and comfortable, while "one in the stink" means one shoe is not on correctly and might be causing discomfort. 
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 12/08/2025
It’s important to not confuse Mega Man with MAGA men.
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Brandon Sheffield @brandon.insertcredit.com · 04/08/2025
I love when I can see the work in a piece of art. Practical effects in film, brush strokes on canvas, strange sounds in music, "impossible" visuals in games. It puts me in conversation with the artist. That's why - ethics aside - art created with AI is just so disappointing. There's no work to see.
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Kenny Lauderdale @kennylauderdale.bsky.social · 25/07/2025
There was going to be a Spice Girls anime, but they cancelled it. We were fucking ROBBED.
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Cαrínα ᓚᘏᗢ @carina.delachancla.com · 12/07/2025
One of my friends likes to manually modify the utm links on discord link still works xD Can you imagine being the webdev having to report the results to your manager all like, "yeah we have a strange amount of people referring from dildos and super dongs?" 🤣
A discord screenshot with a couple emoji reactions and the following text:

"Woah random gas"
https://www.guitarcenter.com/Yamaha/Pacifica-Standard-Plus-HSS-Rosewood-Fingerboard-Electric-Guitar-Shell-White-1500000417287.gc?utm_source=dildos&utm_medium=super-dong"
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jordan! @jordanjamboree.pittbert.gay · 04/07/2025
America blows and it always had
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geck! @geckked.bsky.social · 03/07/2025
Welcome back #DanDaDan (oldie but I still like it)
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Sam Frantics @dsoart.com · 04/07/2025
Garfield DOOM demons (11/2021)
Three DOOM enemies drawn to look like Garfields: a floating cacodemon, the walking demon, and a fat demon with gun arms.
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Jason Song Quinn (Comms Open) @hulkhoquinn.bsky.social · 03/07/2025
Needed this reminder today.
Fox Mulder from X-Files saying “Hey, you got to stay alive if you want to stick it to the government”“If you die, you let them off the hook.”
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Alex Jaffe, DC Comics Expert @alexjaffe.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
ZOHRAN MAMDANI WILL FREEZE THE RENT AND MAKE BUS RIDES FREE PASS IT ON
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 26/05/2025
I don’t think the sunlight covenant would exist if Solaire had ever spent a summer in central Texas.
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Night of the Abigail @popeguilty.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
HELP WE TRAINED OUR AUTOCORRECT ON STORIES ABOUT AI THREATENING PEOPLE AND NOW OUR AUTOCORRECT IS GENERATING OUTPUT BASED ON ITS INPUT PLEASE THINK WE'VE MADE SOMETHING THAT IS CAPABLE OF THOUGHT PLEASE WE'VE GOT NOTHING ON DECK FOR WHEN THE FUNDING STOPS
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Brandon Sheffield @brandon.insertcredit.com · 22/05/2025
A few days ago it was announced that the indie game The Exit 8 was getting a movie. It's being directed by Genki Kawamura who is best known as a producer of anime films, including Your Name. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_DJ...
youtube.com
THE EXIT 8 Official Trailer (2025) Horror, Thriller Movie HD
YouTube video by Trailer Feed
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 27/04/2025
For sale: baby grand piano, never played
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Erin Fogg says Free Link @criminalerin.bsky.social · 24/04/2025
13 is playing Splatoon and the other players are not mincing words about American fascism lmao
3 cute colorful little cartoon avatars on a little cartoon street and one of them is saying "Heads up, Americans! RFK Jr wants to create a national autism registry of people like autism, just like 1930s Germany. Stay safe."
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James Medlock @jdcmedlock.bsky.social · 07/04/2025
I mean, true, but not by changing statutory rates...
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Max Kennerly @maxkennerly.bsky.social · 31/03/2025
stop right there, don't need to know more, already looking forward to it 🙏
(CNN) A crew of four passengers — led by a cryptocurrency billionaire — is set to launch aboard a SpaceX capsule that will
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 17/03/2025
Wishing a happy birthday to Charlotte Cobel.
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AuroralVisage @auroralvisage.bsky.social · 11/03/2025
Happy MarTEN Day to all the Martens out there.
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Joseph Fink, we're going to win @planetoffinks.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
They hate me cuz they ain't me *gets handed a note* ah, it seems they actually hate me because I'm obnoxious. That makes more sense
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criterion closeted bisexual @mart.pizza · 02/03/2025
Is Feel It All Around by Washed Out the most dusk-coded song?
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Ahhhhh @nerdjpg.com · 26/02/2025
Where are the hacker polycules
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eva (^_^)/ @eva.computer · 18/02/2025
hello cis friends this is what people mean by trans genocide if a type of person does not officially exist, then any harm against them cannot be measured or reported this headline change isn't even being caused by an executive order it's simply the NYT editors deciding we don't deserve to exist
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Nile (like the river) @nilejoan.com · 18/02/2025
his name was Sam Nordquist he was a young trans man who was tortured and abused by 5 people for months until he eventually died silencing any part of this story is absolute nazi bullshit fuck the new york times and fuck anyone and everyone who is not emphatically supporting trans ppl rn
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localthunk @localthunk.com · 18/11/2024
Can’t believe they all still think Wheel of Fortune has 1 in 4 odds
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bloodyfaster @bloodyfaster.win · 13/02/2025
got mass reported for posting this on twitter back in 2021 lmao
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