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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary

@familydictionary.bsky.social
223 followers 229 following 413 posts

I write the songs that make the whole world shrug. Relapsing poet. familydictionary.net

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Tom Gauld @tomgauld.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
My latest @newscientist.com cartoon
Panel 1: a large robot (composed of AI servers, network switches, storage arrays, and power distribution units) and a human are talking.

Professor "You don't want to destroy humanity do you, lLLM-A-9300x?"

Robot "Haha. What a silly question, Professor. I have no desires or feelings of my own whatsoever."

Professor (relieved)"Oh good." 

Panel 2: they walk on. The robot continues  "I am merely a tool of the company that created me. And that company, being composed of humans, will naturally have humanity's best interests at heart."

Panel 3: The professor is conspicuously quiet.
"Right?" says the Robot.
…
More silence

"Professor?"
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DC Council @councilofdc.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
This is clearly not acceptable
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USER WAS BLOCKED FOR THIS POST @blockedforthispost.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Yes, feedback really helps. What's the genre of your manuscript?
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Connor Anderson @connorwa.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
This is my Tom Holland "Umbrella" lip sync.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Good.gif
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Annalee @flowerhorne.com · 05/10/2026
Begging news media to stop making themselves unwitting NPCs in a weird cult's alternate reality game You do not need to breathlessly repeat claims that LLMs will end the world or create utopia with handwavy details or abstract philosophical arguments Ask follow-up questions or hire people who can
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
So I just saw that Hilton ad and… what in the actual AI-conceived, -written, -produced, -approved, and -distributed fuck was that?
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The National Association of Non-Punning Thai Restaurants
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Blue Heron Farm @blueheronfarm.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I'm at the Triumphal Arch. I'm at the Sniper Drone Plaza. I'm at the combination Triumphal Arch Sniper Drone Plaza.
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Frank Conniff @frankconniff.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
The heroes who lifted Trump up out of the rubble on 9/11.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
State of the Union.
Six dark green pickles in a white plastic bag in a kitchen trash bin.
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J. Michael Mull @jmichaelmull.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
even now, she's still teaching us
screen on car radio reading:
Dolly Parton
Love is Like A Butt
(it should be Butterfly but the last part couldn't fit on the screen)
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Is it dingleberries or dingles berry?
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
I think I’ve underestimated how much my sensibilities were shaped by childhood viewing of The Gong Show.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
In an alley in downtown Knoxville…
Gray haired geezer standing in front of a mural of Dolly Parton in an alley in Knoxville.
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Mara Wilson @marawilson.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Sometimes, when someone dies, what helps me is thinking about how wonderful it is that they were even alive in the first place. Dolly was the closest you could get to an American saint. We all loved her.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Dolly, you were the best of us.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Sinestro wields the power of divorced dad energy.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Someday we in DC will see the end of these loud bullshit flyovers, circus stunts, statue gildings, and other smallpeen unkempt eyebrow central Asian dictator claptrap.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I can’t find my pug.
A black pug on a bed with a black headboard.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
DRONE PRONE PRON PROF PROOF ROOF
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
What do I want for my birthday? Out.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
An endless stack of turtles croaking out in unison “have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?"
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Puddle says hi.
A black cat relaxing on a step.
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m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
tried using the remove attachment option in outlook but i still desire
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Talking with the Tax Man About Poetry. Talking About Anxiety on LinkedIn.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Born on a mountain, raised in a cave in a cave in a cave. Truckin’ and turducken are all I crave.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Can’t wait for RFK Jr’s gag reflex’s tell-all interview.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Maybe it was Visigoths.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
On the sidewalk today, I saw a chicken wing bone with ants on top. A little voice inside my head said don’t go chomp, dogs, never go chomp.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Sure, seeing Raytheon ads on my way to the movies is a cost of living here. But at least we get restaurant signs in Chinese, English, AND Russian.
Storefront and sign for СНОРТ, the creative salad company.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Shoutout to the guy in Wales who shares my name and likes to use my gmail address. I hope your package arrives safely. I have the tracking info if you need it.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
You have mayonnaise in the guacamole of your soul.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
COMEDY = 1/2 mv²
A fistful of banana peels = comedic potential.
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The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
You kids love Elf on a Shelf? Well get ready for this holiday season’s hottest new companion, Mitch in a Ditch!
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Niko Stratis @nikostratis.com · 23/07/2026
Warren Zevon singing into a microphone from the werewolves of London music video
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Miss Aja @brat2381.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
Well yeah…that’s exactly what he does. www.rawstory.com/hawaii-supre...
rawstory.com
'Sees only white': Hawaii Supreme Court burns down John Roberts for 'naked racism'
Hawaii's highest Court launched a rare attack on the U.S. Supreme Court, accusing the John Roberts-led bench of enabling "naked racism" and bending the Constitution to "whatever the Court needs it to ...
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Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 18/07/2026
man we haven't been owned this hard since 1775
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
🎵 Tainted lettuce. Whoah-oh-oh.🎵
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
We’re at a diner in Eugene and our waitress was also at Vladirockstok in 1996.
A very 90s photo of a man standing beneath a banner that says “Vladirockstok 1996”
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
If we have to hear about that Maine guy again I hope it’s things like “Welp, he just released a spoken word cover of Shatner’s spoken word cover of Rocket Man."
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
I can always tell when an economist used the urinal before me because they expect the free market to flush for them.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
“He fell out the window at us.”
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
In an alternate universe I’m somehow making my living via poetry, my obsessive Аквариум fan site, and my extremely in-joke parody site about America & Russia’s very similar cultural arrogance/insecurity complexes.
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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
My dad was a poet so I could never really join in when the other boys would argue about whose dad could beat up the other dads, but I was confident that my dad could make your dad feel seen in ways that would quietly devastate him.
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Alexandra Petri @petridishes.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
important meeting
theatlantic.com
The First 18 Months
A Cabinet meeting with my son, who is exactly as old as the current administration
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A.R. Moxon @juliusgoat.bsky.social · 06/07/2026
If someone is expressing a desire for something that is wrong and twisted to improve, coming in to say “nothing is going to happen” is like pooping in a public fountain. It may result in a little bit of relief for you in the moment, but now we’ve got a turd in the fountain. Thanks for nothing.
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
No, YOU’RE an op!
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An Abbreviated Family Dictionary @familydictionary.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
I feel we are owed a good news day.
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