theguardian.com
Wild beaver kits born in Norfolk for first time in more than 500 years
Pair are offspring of two beavers who mysteriously arrived in Pensthorpe nature reserve near Fakenham in December
Wild beaver kits have been born in Norfolk for the first time in more than 500 years.
The pair of newborns are the offspring of two free-living beavers who mysteriously arrived in Pensthorpe nature reserve near Fakenham in December. Continue reading...
![[Title panel]:
A-LEVEL RESULTS COLUMNS DAY
[Scene is a TV news type report about A Level results day]
REPORTER [talking to camera outside a school where students are crowding outside the hall to get in]:
Well, it's that day again
When A-Level students across the country finally get to find out
What Britain's newspaper columnists think about their results.
[show the interior of the school hall, with long tables, but instead of results papers on them, loads of middle-aged newspaper columnists are all laid out]
[Close up on the COLUMNISTS lying on the table, talking up to a gaggle of excited students desperate to find out what they say]
PETER HITCHENS:
I remember when A-Levels meant something
CLARKSON:
I got a C and two U's
[Cut to outside the hall, the REPORTER is talking to a student]
REPORTER:
And did you get the middle-aged opinions you wanted?
STUDENT:
Yes!
I got one ‘There's Too Much Humanities’,
and two Oxford graduates telling me they went to Oxford.
REPORTER [now doing a voiceover, as we see the students in the school hall next to the columnists on tables, and the students are preparing to jump in the air for a photographer]:
And then the annual photo shoot…
[PHOTOGRAPHER]
One, two, three...
[One of the columnists on the table pipes up with]:
What's The Point Of University in 2026?
[The students all jump for joy]
STUDENTS:
HOORAY!
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiauzow46czexl5p6tdraopiegsutr63pkiar6cescidhxaluclska)
![Print of a comic strip by Stephen Collins. Script is as follows:
1
[Scene is a GREGGS interior. A lone MAN, the only customer in the shop, is standing at counter]
MAN:
Please can I have a sausage roll.
2
GREGGS SHOP ASSISTANT:
Certainly sir
[She pulls a leaver on the panini machine and WOOSH the man disappears through a trapdoor].
Whoosh
3
[The MAN appears through a chute in an underground bunker. A voice from off-scene greets him]:
Welcome, friend
4
[We see the voice is of a military-looking resistance COMMANDER with a moustache]
COMMANDER:
You said "please can I have" instead of “can I get”…
So now you're one of us.
5
MAN:
W-where am I ...?
[We see him looking at a hi tech UNDERGROUND MILITARY BUNKER - it has resistance vibes, and has lots of screens with maps etc]
6
COMMANDER:
You've joined the resistance…
...against people saying things all American.
7
COMMANDER:
We are an underground network of sleeper agents poised to have a right go at young people the moment they say "mom" or "bangs”.
8
LIEUTENANT [Staring at screen]:
Agent 244 has just given a Zoomer in Halifax the “could/couldn't care less" speech, sir
COMMANDER:
Very good
9
[Show the map of the UK with digital pop ups on it saying ‘GOTTEN’, ‘ZEE’, ‘MATH’ etc
COMMANDER:
You may have heard our name... We are...
10
COMMANDER:
...the Fight Against New Yankee Pronunciations and Americanisms Corrupting the King's English!
11
[Show the military command center panel. It says on the wall in big metal letters]:
F.A.N.Y.P.A.C.K.E.
12
MAN
You've called yourselves the 'Fanny Pack'
COMMANDER:
We didn't spot the acronym
[/end]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreianaxlutkih4rysx6l37rru2cic64wiirt4fd2jss5xlxsulixlou)
