Sign in

Cosmic Raise

@cosmicraise.bsky.social
359 followers 52 following 4K posts

Board certified douche canoe; fully accredited jackwad DMs open, I said with completely unwarranted optimism

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Rob Schneider Files for Relevancy thehardtimes.net/breaking/rob...
thehardtimes.net
Rob Schneider Files for Relevancy
WASHINGTON — Rob Schneider, once the famed pariah of SNL and star of such classic films as ‘Deuce Bigalow’ and ‘The Hot Chick,’ filed... Continue this tale
211411
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I flavor blasted your goldfish, please respond
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Let it never be forgotten that in troubled and fraught times for our nation, times that called for courage and conviction, and for the best of us, Apple stood up and said “not it”
Screen shot from Apple maps with Lake Ontario labeled “Lake America”
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Let slip and slide the dogs of war
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Where but the good old US of A is a hot dog, potato chips, and a soda considered a “meal”?
A picture of a hotdog, potato chips, and a soda listed at $3 with the caption “introducing our new meal deals”
000
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Razzball @razzball.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
gets incredible air here
256145513362
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Enthusiasm level
Three sullen looking women standing in front of a stage, one of them holding a sign that reads “time to have sex“. I have absolutely no idea what the context here is, sorry.
010
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Coach Rusty @coachrusty.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
[job interview] boss: what would you do if faced with a situation where- me: give up immediately
521656
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Nigel Wallis @mole9.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Charity shop find: I'm a sucker for a Haynes manual. I'm assuming this one is comprehensive.
A Haynes Owners Workshop Manual for the Large Hadron Collider.
9380167
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Richard Picture Has this been done already?
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Mother Nature showing everyone with their puny fireworks how it’s done
Large bolts of lighting beneath ominous storm clouds, viewed in the distance looking across a lake
000
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
We’ve all lied or cheated or held a bank manager hostage. It doesn’t make us "bad people"
916934
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
Why is it that so many people don’t “know how to use quotes”?
000
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 20/06/2026
put la croix in the reflecting pool
1522562
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Gavril Ducu 🇷🇴 🇩🇪 🇺🇸 🇳🇱 🇪🇺 🇺🇦 @ducugavril.nafoforum.org · 09/06/2026
0141
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
Get you someone that loves you as much as smartphones love overheating
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
I’m always fascinated by the body’s ability to wake you from sleep when it recognizes that you need fig newtons
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
The Gays of Hormuz is this anything
110
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
Looking at you, AT&T
Chart showing how cell phones barely work now unless they have a full four bars
010
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
zach @extrafabulous.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
142995709
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 07/04/2026
[guy who always makes the conversation about his vinyl collection] you mean the b-side of the moon
532474
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Who’s hungry?
110
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
I think they entered 😐
“Do not enter” sign that has clearly been run over and severed from the ground
000
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
my daughter is on spring break and I just keep hoping she stays safe and doesn’t beat my keg stand time from the 90s
1016643
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
one time my aunt stopped speaking to me for six months bc i dropped in the chat that chick-fil-a is closed on sundays so their employees can go get their abortions
24669103
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
South Korea: (locks up president who led an insurrection) England: (locks up former prince for being a sexual predator) America: (Americas)
000
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
@deviantollam.bsky.social thought you’d find this interesting 👀
m.youtube.com
State of Iowa Hires Hackers to ‘Burglarize’ Courthouse (then the sheriff arrives)
YouTube video by The Civil Rights Lawyer
101
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
DocAtCDI @docatcdi.com · 07/01/2026
The IRS has announced that all marijuana dealers must file a joint tax return.
44611
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Julie S. Lalonde @julieslalonde.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
It's rare that LinkedIn serves me a gem but it did today via @pdan.bsky.social
A post from Paul Danhauser that says : Whenever AI bros say "get on the train or be left behind" I'm all like "There's child pornography on that train, I'm good y'all, worst of luck and please crash."
015236
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
One of life’s great ironies is that you don’t know it’s a no-wiper until you actually wipe.
063
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 04/01/2026
*2026
010
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
One of life’s great ironies is that you don’t know it’s a no-wiper until you actually wipe.
063
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 13/11/2025
TERF alert
cee-cee @mad-girl.bsky.social 

why is it so controversial for me to say that women's rights are human rights?
why must a woman's human rights be subordinated by anyone else's?
i wish women had the same rights as anyone who trans identifies.
why am i being condemned for refusing to perpetuate a delusion?

'Transgenderism
is the only mental illness demanding the rest of society adopt the patient's delusion…’
130
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Adam Parkhomenko @adamparkhomenko.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
I think I found the best No Kings sign
772555545
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
NurseBrianRN @nursebrianrn.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
halloween in the 80s was wild
17013
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
futuredadOfTwo🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.dadguy.pro · 03/10/2025
pretty crazy that la croix has more flavor than jay has a backbone
611931
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 27/09/2025
Why would I take the news that way? And what even is a “grain assault”?
030
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
NurseBrianRN @nursebrianrn.bsky.social · 03/09/2025
he slid into my DMs
3256
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Democracy has to win every time. Fascism only has to win once.
030
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 30/08/2025
Never change, CVS
A photo of a CVS receipt stretching off into the distance like the Star Wars intro, next to a tape measure showing it checking in at just over 30”
050
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 25/08/2025
Windows has absolutely no chill 😂 Kudos to them for being a great ally though
Picture of the search results pane on my work laptop after entering “power button” in the search bar. Among the results is a link to “power bottom meaning”.
021
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 25/08/2025
Windows has absolutely no chill 😂 Kudos to them for being a great ally though
Picture of the search results pane on my work laptop after entering “power button” in the search bar. Among the results is a link to “power bottom meaning”.
021
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
That time a safe landed on my head after getting run over by a bus and stung by a scorpion, I felt that
111
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 16/08/2025
When someone says “hate to say I told you so”…they definitely don’t hate to say it.
063
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 02/08/2025
Fucking cups, always infringing on my freedom (I’m a liquid)
Graffiti that reads “fuck cops“, but the O looks like a U
051
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Bambi @bambiwhambi.bsky.social · 17/07/2025
They should send the list to everyone's phones like that one U2 album.
25312
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Charles Hay, PhD @thecharleshay.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
1856
Reposted by Cosmic Raise
Scott Linnen @scottlinnen.bsky.social · 30/06/2025
Celebrating Independence Day 2025 is like throwing a birthday party for a hostage.
011121
Cosmic Raise @cosmicraise.bsky.social · 15/06/2025
Just saw a guy wearing this shirt and I fuckin luv it ❤️
Black t shirt with text “will trade racists for refugees”
030