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Captain Awkward

@captainawkward.bsky.social
16K followers 2K following 6.9K posts

Advice blogger, soon-to-be-author. You may remember me as CAwkward on that other site, but I have reclaimed my full title and powers! Here to make new internets to push the bad internets down.

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Bo Thompson @gaudipern.bsky.social · 11h
Today I heard someone use the Human Centipede as a way to explain why large model AI is inevitably heading towards its own self destruction by tainting its future inputs, and honestly? It was a beautiful teaching metaphor.
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Catbus @catbus.phd · 11h
don't bother addressing a congregation unless you're in the baroque creature pulpit
Baroque pulpit ca. 1750, rebuilt 1856, Parish church in Dobroszów.

a fanciful scaled sculpture where the serpents open mouth serves as the pulpit
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Excellent thread! There *are* rewards for being A Good Guy Who Speaks Up even if they are not immediately obvious or publicly bestowed. First, integrity is its own reward. Maybe you didn’t save the world or change hearts & minds. But if you held the line on not making it worse, that’s something.
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Brooke @brooklynmarie.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Life Advice
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
#ThisFuckingGuy Cynical racist piece of shit sellout mayor who barely escaped Chicago without being indicted. As a national figure, he’s obsessed with berating Dems toward an imaginary “center.” Do yourselves a favor now: If you see him on your TV, change the channel or turn it off immediately.
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Pookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Intimidating the job interviewer by slowly pulling a 6 foot long Italian sub out of my pants while making direct eye contact
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I realize the irony given my historic consumption habits but are there perhaps a tad too many shows about Detectives Who Just Cannot Stop Detecting, No Seriously, They Live To Solve Crime.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I made my therapist belly-laugh multiple times just now so I’m giving myself an “A” for the day.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Dropping off my Cologuard sample at a UPS so the sorcerers can scry my humours and prophesy about whether a Great Evil hath indeed possessed my entrails.
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Kashana @kashana.blacksky.app · 20/09/2026
Americans: oh, look, a systemic issue. I will solve it individually
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Which of you got me into The Tainted Cup series? Was it you, @brandyjensen.bsky.social? Deliciously weird detectives/cinematic visuals/vivid audiobook narration by Andrew Fallaize make a good balm to my Mossa & Pleiti withdrawals, at least so far. (Still mid first book, please no spoilers!)
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
A spinoff where these two use fern and frost to fight their real enemy- insurance companies
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Shiv Ramdas Mens Rice Activist @nameshiv.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Knowledge is being aware that Mr Freeze and Poison Ivy are supervillains Wisdom is realising they are the two most sympathetic characters in all of Gotham
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Nothings Monstered @nothingsmonstrd.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
How to visit an art museum with someone who isn't used to visiting art museums:
Two social media posts by @pan_juho (Translated from Japanese):

"I love going to art museums, but when I go with someone who's not used to them, if I say, 'If you were a great thief, tell me later which one you'd steal,' they end up looking the exhibits pretty seriously, and that makes me happy.

"Whether you steal something you like or something that seems valuable -> it opens up endless conversation based on what vou liked about it or where you saw value in it, so it's also great as an easy icebreaker for chats after visiting the museum."
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Got my eyes dilated at the doctor and whoa everything is weird
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s. e. smith @sesmith.lol · 15/09/2026
Okay rich friends employed with companies that do employer matching: Please help me raise $7k to support @scarleteen.com's fall fundraiser. We're expecting 7 million visitors this year (up from 5 million!) in a climate where access to good sex ed, esp. for LGBTQIA+ young people, is dwindling.
pro.gofundme.com
Scarleteen's Raising $7,000 to Celebrate 7 Million Visitors in 2026!
{{MetaTags.description}}
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Tropical Bird • #ProtectJho @dopegirlfresh.blacksky.app · 12/09/2026
I’ll knock all this shit over
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Madonna in 'Gambler' Music Video
Alt: Madonna drying her armpits on a washroom air dryer in Desperately Seeking Susan
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Jeanne (she/they) @fangirljeanne.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I will maintain that people who advocate for the use of AI by claiming it is sentient are wanna be slave owners. It’s like trying to sell me a toaster by telling me it is self aware. That’s not impressive, that is horrifying.
static.klipy.com
The Brave Little Toaster: You're Worthless
Alt: Thr junkyard scene, from the movie The Brave Little Toaster, where the sentient appliances (vacuum, blankie, lamp, toaster, and radio) are surrounded by broken cars that are saying “You're Worthless.”
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daryl "crimetime after primetime" b 🏳️‍⚧️ @hypercubexl.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
GDT's reddit AMA spitting fire www.reddit.com/r/movies/com...
reddit comment: 

Hello! Did you intend the ending of Pan’s labyrinth to be real or in Ofelia’s mind?

Guillermo Del Toro's reply: 

My interpretation, and it's exclusively mine, is that it's real.

Because there's two things. One is what people call “The Shining Question.” The Shining Question is, Who opens the door for Jack to get out of the fridge? And Ofelia is in an attic with a guard outside her door, and she draws the door with the magic chalk, and she shows up in the labyrinth. So, the only way she could have gone into the labyrinth is the magic chalk. And the flower is real at the end. The flower that blooms in the dead tree. And the reason I think it’s real is because—and this is why I'm in favor of the human factor in art—I think that art does transform the world. You know?

Think about it for a second. One of the goals, with all this movement, is to make you believe that art is vulgar. That art is nothing special, and anybody can do art. That is like me telling you that I'm faster at running than Usain Bolt but I “run” in my motorcycle. Well, that's not the same. That’s not the same at all.

Art is important, and they want you to believe it isn't. It's part of the idea of control. The goal is not to have artificial intelligence. The goal is to foster natural stupidity. The goal is to foster you not looking for answers, and to trust yourself entirely to an engine. Look at the way we are dipping our toes into these things. We are starting to ask the machine, Is this true? For now, there's a correlation between reality and what the answers of the machine are. For now. But soon, we won't even investigate further. We will be told it's true. And if the machine is in the hands of somebody who should not be trusted, then your reality has been completely and utterly fucked. Because your intelligence ends at the question. You don't seek the answer. It's given to you.Q: You recently mentioned that AI creates 'semi-compelling screensavers' and that you'd 'rather die' than use it. As a filmmaker who relies heavily on practical effects and creature design, what do you think is the biggest thing lost when a computer generates an image instead of a human hand?

GDT:

The three quarters of the process that gave you the chance to think of the idea that people don't think about without that process. Meaning, AI can get you to the middle really fast, but there's a dialectic with the process that gets you to that top 10%. I'll give you an example with the Pale Man.

We sculpted it as an old man, with a face. And then I said, Let's take out the face. This happened because I saw a photo of a manta ray and the poster for Don Coscarelli’s Phantasm. That combination, which happened at two different times during a week or a month, are not permutations that are chemically part of an equation. They are alchemy. And then I said, Take out the face, and then I said, Let's put the eyes on the hands. This triangulation happens because I spent a month or two months living with the idea of this creature. And it's not linear.

AI is like a super-fast engine that makes semi-sentient permutations of things that are already done. Creation is things that have never been done. Coming to exist.

And the second thing is the loss of the apprenticeship that one has as an artist. You're never a master; you're always an apprentice. This is a kinship I have with, for example, Chris Nolan. When he showed me The Odyssey, there’s a scene when Matt Damon is floating in the stormy ocean and I asked him—because we were talking about practical effects, and how great it is and that we both always use a maquette or a model—and I asked him, How did you do it? He said, “We put him in a storm in the ocean.”

And you're gonna find that 30% of a great image occurs accidentally. You know, either a drop of water hits the lens, or the camera shakes. I remember when in 1993, '94, Jim…
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Sardonicus @sardonicus.eu · 09/09/2026
Abolition Teapot by Josiah Wedgwood & Sons, 1760-80. www.flickr.com/photos/birmi...
Teapot
Health to the Sick Honour to the Brave
Success to the Lover Freedom to the Slave
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rax ‘levon honkers’ king @raxkingisdead.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
hello im the CEO and i can’t do anything without the support of the simpering vizier that lives in the computer. in order to keep collecting an offensively meager paycheck you too must consult the vizier regularly. don’t worry he has lots of uses other than just hopefully putting you out of a job
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
I made an honestly alarming quantity of Lebanese lentil soup.
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Q. (they/them) @quiara.net · 03/09/2026
Hi! I am honoured to do the cover reveal for T.O. Tate’s (@azlouise.bsky.social’s) SHARDFALL omnibus! To celebrate, they’re doing a giveaway! See the post on my Patreon or my reading blog for details or simply post here with your favourite Shakespearean work or retelling, any medium. Winner receives
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Lauren Underwood @laurenunderwood.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I am proud to stand with nurses at Saint Mary of Nazareth Hospital in Chicago and National Nurses United as they strike today. Speaking up and advocating for your patients should never result in retaliation from your employer.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Being outside in Chicago no longer feels like being inside a mouth. I can feel my hit points replenishing in real time.
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Saeed Jones @theferocity.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
ONCE AGAIN!!!!
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dan sinker @dansinker.com · 02/09/2026
Chicago is me.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Peter Gabriel’s live Secret World album is really getting me thru it today.
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Sebas @ohlookbirdies.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
If you're not using asbestos yet, you are being left behind. Everyone is using asbestos, there's no point in trying to fight it. Asbestos is the future.
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Olúfẹ́mi O. Táíwò @olufemiotaiwo.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
if you tell me "A is a bully on social media(/in print, in whatever specific scenario) but very pleasant elsewhere" you are roughly 50x likelier to convince me that they have the additional vice of cowardice than you are to convince me that they have a hidden virtue of kindness
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Leah Jaclyn @leahjaclyn.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Man I want to live in a world where the White Rat exists, unfortunately that does mean we have to become the White Rat we want to see in the world
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Adam Sharp @adamcsharp.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
A list of lyrics if all lyrics were as profound as “I got soul, but I'm not a soldier” by The Killers... 1. I got hips, but I’m not a hipster 2. I got plums, but I’m not a plumber 3. I got toes, but I’m not a toaster 4. I got badge, but I’m not a badger 5. I got meow, but I'm not a homeowner
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s. e. smith @sesmith.lol · 26/08/2026
This thread will sneak up on you! And yes, it is about Dolly.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
@tkingfisher.com Just started Daggerbound and already The Dervish’s energy is amazing. youtu.be/ZjlYFWLUDBQ
youtu.be
Perception check
YouTube video by Tom Cardy
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Claire Willett @clairewillett.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
with alt text. this is so beautiful 💕
Dolly Partons IMAGINATION LIBRARY

Dear Imagination Library Graduate,

My, how time flies. It seems it was only yesterday when your family and friends read you your first story. You were just a baby. Now you're five years old and about to go to school. How exciting!
This may be your last book from my Imagination Library but you have to promise me you will keep on reading. If you go to your local public library you will find a great number of books just for kids your age. Every book is a treasure and every time you open one up you will meet new friends and take wonderful journeys to magical places.
I hope you have a great time in school. I bet your school will even have a library where you can check out books. You and all of your friends are very special. There is no limit to what you can do or how far you can go.

Just remember the lessons my family taught me - dream big dreams; learn everything you can learn; and care for all those who care for you. You do all of these things and you can be anyone you want to be.

You are terrific, and remember...
I Will Always Love You,
Dolly
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Isabel J. Kim @isabel.kim · 25/08/2026
IM RIGHT IM LITERALLY ALWAYS RIGHT
clarkesworldmagazine.com
Wire Mother by Isabel J. Kim
Clarkesworld Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine and Podcast.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
How much of Gilbert & Sullivan is characters announcing what their job is in song
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
All hail Overlord Henrietta. Under her benevolent reign, all shall experience random acupuncture sessions and be forcibly exfoliated by her raspy tongue.
Tabby cat (Henrietta) in position of dominance atop a prone chest.
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Sarah Andersen @sarahseeandersen.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
The image is of a four panel comic.
Panel one shows a bone. The bone says, "I make stem cells!"
Panel two shows a pancreas. The pancreas says, "I make insulin!"
Panel three shows the bone and pancreas and now a brain. The brain says "I make scenarios!"
Panel four shows the bone, pancreas, and brain. The brain is on fire.
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
:Reacher does a thing on screen, like grabbing on to a helicopter in flight or chucking a bbq grill through a car window: Everyone in our house: “He is Large.”
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🫀nenetto [🌳 Deku edition ▿] @nenetto.com · 17/08/2026
By www.jwz.org/blog/2026/08...
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Civ 6, playing as Lady Six Sky on the easiest mode, making science & culture (not war) and surrounded by friendly city states? Honestly might not come out of the game at the end of the year.
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Fun @funkelly.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
every time i watch this i remark that tony has the most immaculate vibes ive ever seen
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Lauren Flans @laurenflans.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
It was the "This you?" of times; it was the "It me" of times.
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Chuck Tingle @chucktingle.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
wonderful party idea this proves love
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Bree (half of Kit Rocha) @mostlybree.kitrocha.com · 16/08/2026
👀
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Kingfisher & Wombat @tkingfisher.com · 15/08/2026
I know they’re marketing this for spam musubi, but the package design makes me very worried about the meat that went into that can.
Cans of spam that read HELLO KITTY on the side, with Hello Kitty herself prominently featured
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Captain Awkward @captainawkward.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Opening greeting is pure “I only love you in God’s way” aka the sickest burn my 3rd grade catechism class invented after being told hate was a sin & we had to love everyone. Usually said thru gritted teeth right before attempting a killing blow with a dodgeball.
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Barred and Boujee aka Madiba Dennie @audrelawdamercy.blacksky.app · 15/08/2026
lmao at Iddin-Sin, an ungrateful little shit of yore
Screenshot of a translation of this 4,000 letter, linked within the quote-skeeted article and reading as follows:

"Tell the Lady Zinu: Iddin-Sin sends the following message:
May the gods Samas, Marduk, and Ilabrat keep you forever in
good health for my sake.
From year to year, the clothes of the (young) gentlemen here
become better, but you let my clothes get worse from year to
year. Indeed, you persisted(?) in making my clothes poorer and
more scanty. At a time when in our house wool is used up like
bread, you have made me poor clothes. The son of Adad-iddinam,
whose father is only an assistant of my father, (has) two new sets
of clothes [break] while you fuss even about a single set of clothes
for me. In spite of the fact that you bore me and his mother only
adopted him, his mother loves him, while you, you do not love
me!"

Available at: https://lustria-online.com/threads/letters-from-mesopotamia.21099/
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