Reposted by bjlems
One of my favourite photos — not just of DAVID NIVEN — but of all time.
bjlems
@bjlems.bsky.social
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Scottish, physicist, like sci-fi and the quirky.
Scottish, physicist, like sci-fi and the quirky.
![A comic for the Guardian by Stephen Collins on New Years Eve 2024. Script as follows:
1
THE SCENE: is BBC Television centre or wherever that is these days. HARRY STYLES is getting out of a limo to enter a studio. An autograph-hunting FAN accosts him.
Also, a DATE STAMP appears ‘on screen’, like it used to do in the X-files, reading:
OCTOBER, 2024: Maidstone Studios, England
FAN 1:
That’s Harry Styles!
FAN 2 [Approaching Harry]:
Can I have a selfie, Harry?
2
FAN:
What are you doing at Maidstone Studios on this finbe day in mid October, Harry?
3
HARRY STYLES:
Why, I’ve come here in mid-October to record ‘Jools Holland’s New Year Hoote-‘
4
*FSHW*
[Harry Styles is suddenly vaporised by a LASER BEAM]
5
[We see the culprit; a hi tech flying DRONE has zapped Mr Styles to death. The drone has a camera eye on the front of it]
6
[Cut to: JOOLS HOLLAND in his Hootenanny lair, watching a screen which has just alerted him to the elimination of Styles]
[Legend on screen]:
ARTIST ELIMINATED
HOLLAND:
Goddamn it
7
HOLLAND:
Why can’t they keep their mouths SHUT?
8
HOLLAND:
Tim Davie!
TIM DAVIE [Director General of the BBC]:
Y-yes Jools?
HOLLAND:
Who’ve we got left for this year?
10
TIM DAVIE:
The Boomtown Rats, one of Sister Sledge and Marc Almond
HOLLAND:
Almond *again*?
11
TIM DAVIE:
We’re running out of artists to call, sir…
M-must we keep killing… so many…?
HOLLAND:
You know the rules, Davie. The secret of the Hootenanny must be protected at all costs. All who divulge it…
12
HOLLAND [close up on his evil face, eye twitching]:
Must be eliminated](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiafp3a2py3i5qz3lw3bwk3zrjnjnwxmm72tonf47xx67ilulotrtu)
![[We see a close up of a young white male, tanned, white teeth, coiffed hair clearly an influencer on social media. It is an image such as you see when social media posts are shown on the news. In the corner of the screen is named a location: DUBAI. He is staring slightly off-camera for several silent panels of the comic strip. His eyes move slightly. He is having a thought.]
From off-screen a newsreader’s commentary comes:
NEWSREADER:
Extraordinary images here
of an expat in Dubai
[The influencer’s eybrows raise slightly]
…Having their first ever geopolitical thought.
[CUT TO a BBC news scene. The BBC newsreader CLIVE MYRIE is talking to an interviewee next to the screen showing the social media influencer’s face. The interviewee’s name is David Jones].
CLIVE MYRIE:
To explain the significance of this moment we’re joined by David Jones, our Expat Thoughts correspondent
DAVID JONES:
Clive, this is momentous
It was caught on film at the end of an Instagram post titled: ‘Dubai Is Brilliant’.
[Pointing at the screen, the influencer’s expression still the same]
You can clearly see in the eyebrows here, the dawning realisation that there *might* be something in the world beyond his dickhead self.
It marks a *huge* departure from all the Dubai Expat’s previous thoughts.
CLIVE MYRIE:
Which are…?
DAVID JONES:
You've Got To Get Yourself Out Here Mate, Everything Is So Clean, I Don't Have To Pay Taxes,
I Am Incurious As To Why I Do Not Have To Pay Taxes, and Spa.
CLIVE MYRIE:
And might we see an expansion of these new Thoughts in coming days?
DAVID JONES:
I think we can expect to see:
“I Deserve To Be Airlifted By A Country I Pay No Tax To”
CLIVE MYRIE:
Mmm.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibu6vuc7ofetq5hla3gfcknocotbfl3yk2ajczk6qfd2hnjxrav6q)
