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Aspartame Valerian

@aspartame.bsky.social
603 followers 666 following 3.6K posts

>INVENTORY You are carrying cup of coffee, tiny dog, stack of books, way too much information about hollow earth theory

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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 6h
Merry Michaelmas to all!
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 11h
When I was in high school I had a friend who would buy an order of plain lort from a local Cambodian place and then leave them around places. She called it lorting.
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Craig @abasketofcraig.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Sounds easy. Wahn, meleven, fournty-fourn, snerb.
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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Everybody in the club getting sad about the future
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summerghost @asummerghost.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
fall gathering. #caturday © jamie shelman
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Slightly less fluffy now.
A tiny white and brown dog sits on a couch. She has a yellow and orange bandanna around her neck.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Deserves a before picture.
A tiny white and brown dog lays on a blanket and looks skeptically at the camera.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I just betrayed my beloved.* *Dropped Pip off at the groomers
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
#BlueSkyArtShow #lights
A photo of a drive-in movie theater screen and parking lot taken at night. It is foggy out and the sky is soft and silver. There are three bright spots of light in the screen and more light reflects off the cars.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
The Incredibly Empathetic Detective in the Case of the Misunderstood Murderer
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Have decided to give it all up and become a Cheesoid cheese-detecting robot.
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Zac Bentz @zacbentz.com · 24/09/2026
it's laundry day already??
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I see. You all think you're better than me.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
My chapstick’s looking janky.
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Daniel Spenser @danielspenser.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
INSTEAD OF: "I hate your guts." TRY: "You've beautiful guts." INSTEAD OF: "Put up your dukes." TRY: "Wrap those beautiful dukes around me."
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Why hello, everybody. Did you miss me?
A gourd with a flirtatious affect.
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Johnny Normality @probgobl.in · 21/09/2026
Doctors hate me for my one simple health trick: I have the head of a jackal and attack them in their homes.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
static.klipy.com
If You Know What I Mean Vince Fish
Alt: Gif of Richard Kind saying, “If you know what I mean.”
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Atlas Misery @piegoblin.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
For when you need to be fancy but also look like you're an odd-toed ungulate.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
My biscuits and gravy levels have become critically low.
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Stella Sacco @antlervel.vet · 15/10/2025
WHEN THERE’S TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Oh wow. Yes, very clever! Waterfall treasure! No one’s ever done that before. Lazy jackass WHEN THERE’S NO TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Wow. Too stuck-up to put treasure there huh? Too much of a fucking ICONOCLAST for that? Piece of shit. FUCK you
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A.L. likely @alvildalikely.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I feel like the disgust and disappointment I felt seeing Andie's prom dress at the end of Pretty in Pink is what helped prepare me for reading the news since 2016.
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Kip Conlon @kipconlon.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
No dice. I’m looking for broken in baby shoes.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Why did god make ducks so cute AND so tasty?
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Just saw @joshgondelman.bsky.social and the show was terrific. Highly recommend catching him live, if you get the chance.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’ll also post my green writing.
A screenshot of a poem that reads:
Errant Symmetry (Green)

You confirm complexity,
a tangled mass
and a single perfect curve
wound unerring about upward.

Achingly bright, tender, verdant, raw
you are.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
If you see this, post your green art.
A photo of a fennel plant taken from deep within a mass of fronds.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
He forgot to put on his orb-me-not charm this morning.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
What if the kid has bad vibes?
Screenshot of an article called “Stop Pretending That Intensive Parenting Doesn’t Work” by Nate G. Hilger for The Atlantic.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Me spotting Dark City on a streaming platform: Oh fuck, Dark City.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Entering a spicy pickle potato chip fugue state. Someone come let the dog out.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I am concerned for this person.
Screenshot of a comment that reads, “I skipped the full (dill is too strong for me).
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
static.klipy.com
ALT:
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
It was 53 degrees when I woke up. I’m making chili.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 12/09/2026
Happy birthday, Ludacris! buff.ly/Y7KmxCR
mcsweeneys.net
Place I’ve Cried or Place Ludacris Claims He Had Sex in His Song “What’s Your Fantasy”?
1. A public bathroom 2. The back of a classroom 3. The Georgia Dome on the fifty-yard line while the Dirty Birds kick for t’ree 9/11/26
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Gonna start a BlueSky account listing everything in Reacher’s pockets. Today: mint-flavored toothpick, keys for a Toyota Tercel, Goody’s Powder sachet, Andy Capp’s Hot Fries, temporary tattoo of a pair of lips.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Seeing the MST3K reunion show at the Boston Common AMC. If this building collapses the GenX nerd community here may never recover.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Labor Day is short for Labor-atory day and it celebrates mad scientists.
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m @mjjii.com · 07/09/2026
digital art. drawing of a seagull’s face close up. text at the top: fries
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Labor Day is short for Labor-atory day and it celebrates mad scientists.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I finished Rachel Harrison’s new book, KISS, SLAY, REPLAY and while I was initially dubious of the groundhog-day-like plot it was some really fun horror. If you’re looking for a Halloween book you might try it.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
How can a five pound dog make so much noise licking her bits?
A tiny white and brown dog laying on a colorful blanket on the couch.
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Thoughtbarf @thoughtbarf.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
You go ahead and have that 4th coffee. There's people out there doing crack.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Oops I did it again (bought a dress for a wedding I’ll probably never wear again)
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Moira Donegan @moiradonegan.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
My Steinem obit: www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...
theguardian.com
Gloria Steinem personified America’s feminist movement | Moira Donegan
The activist made the movement mainstream – and became a receptacle for its hopes and disappointments
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
My mother puts up boxes of lemongrass around her porch to create a sense of privacy from the public park next door and I think it’s clever and effective, especially by the end of summer.
A photo of many boxes planted with lemongrass lining the railing of a porch.
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Me on Sept 1: *photo of a pile of leaves with glasses perched on top*
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Aspartame Valerian @aspartame.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
The unique disappointment of an unsweet sweet potato.
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