Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 14/05/2026I told my boyfriend that I heard "Regulate" on the radio and he said "you needed that win." 0184
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 11/05/2026Feeling good because three people sent me this article saying it made them think of me. Proud to be so heavily associated with Jimmy Fallon hatred! www.currentaffairs.org/news/the-ban...currentaffairs.orgThe Banal Horror of Jimmy FallonUnder the sterile blue lights of his studio, Fallon laughs endlessly at the same pseudo-jokes, rubs elbows with Trump and Sam Altman, and ushers in the death of culture. 270
Reposted by Alicia Hawkesmaura quint @mauraquint.bsky.social · 03/01/2026Grok issued an apology; however an air fryer and a Maytag top-load washer close to the situation have told us he was lying. 1170094
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 31/12/2025[Me realizing Paul Giamatti is doing the voice of John Adams in the new Ken Burns Revolutionary War documentary] Oh FUCK yes 0121
Reposted by Alicia HawkesHarriet - Pumpkin Spite @akaharriet.bsky.social · 15/12/2025we can kill them all if we just work together and ✨believe💫 246228698267
Reposted by Alicia HawkesMerriam-Webster @merriam-webster.com · 01/10/2025We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25. 647249378241
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 15/06/2025If there was a college where the only thing you had to do get your degree was learn how to spell diarrhea without spell check it would take me 7+ years to graduate. 1110
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 17/05/2025Wow per the potential side effects part of the commercials the area between the anus and genitals is being dealt a real beating by modern pharmaceuticals 2221
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 28/04/2025Share a guy from the 80s who’s name you heard a lot while your parents were watching the news but you had no idea who he was because you were a child 2130
Reposted by Alicia Hawkeskid gruesome @smeagolsfree.bsky.social · 18/04/2025I'm a lot like our Lord in that I also sleep for 3 days after an eventful Friday night 110021
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 03/04/2025The Emmy for make up should only/forever go to whoever was responsible Gillian Anderson’s make up on X-Files. 060
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 02/04/2025I'm sorry but if you don't think Jessica Fletcher is cool you're fucked in the head. AbsoLUTEly fucked. 260
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 30/03/2025I know nobody wants to see my list of Yellowjackets characters as LOST characters but unfortunately I am going to share it 080
Reposted by Alicia HawkesAlicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 12/03/2025I really fucking hate it when my liege heeds not my measured counsel, leaning rather upon the superstitions of augurs and temple priests :( 9849191
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 17/02/2025Absolutely refusing to respond to any external stimulus so I will be considered PROACTIVE instead of REACTIVE. Try to speak to me and I will stare through you but after 10 minutes of silence I will start wildly laughing and/or screaming. This is my path to #success. 0232
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 12/02/2025I misheard at first and thought Willem Dafoe was mentioned in “Not Like Us.” I was confused but pleased that he was somehow in the mix. 0120
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 02/02/2025Boy, maps used to be a hell of a lot more fun 1361
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 23/01/2025Sure, nobody's noticed YET that I casually pepper Peep Show quotes into everyday conversation but someday someone might and bam! - new best friend 070
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 19/12/2024The heart of Billy Ray Cyrus is a separate, sentient man who will kill another if need be. 3344
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 11/12/2024When I’m looking for an item I misplaced I think “If I were me, where would I put it?” And I don’t know. I don’t know. 4656
Reposted by Alicia Hawkeslukelukeluke @lukelukeluke.bsky.social · 07/12/2024Do you think fish know they’re weird 6153067
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 09/12/2024At this point avoiding learning about the Hawk Tuah girl is harder than just giving in but I MUST press on 3341
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 08/12/2024If it ain’t on Tubi I don’t deserve to see it 2261
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 01/12/2024The first one I remember is being irrevocably kindertrauma’d by “Silkwood” in the theater at age 7. I think my parents somehow hoped that I’d zone out and not notice the movie on the huge screen in front of me? But of course I was RIVETED TO and DAMAGED BY each and every frame. 140
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 26/11/2024My hometown had two serial killers in the early 00s and they called the more famous one “The Baton Rouge Serial Killer” and the second one “The Other Baton Rouge Serial Killer” 5714
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 25/11/2024Hey, boot makers? You call that middlin’ ass shaft circumference “wide calf”? I IMPOLITELY invite you to get a load of THIS leg. 0162
Reposted by Alicia HawkesAlicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 20/11/2024You can be married but still spiritually a spinster 0282
Reposted by Alicia HawkesTom [ghostly voice] Coooooooooooombe @calmtomb.bsky.social · 20/11/2024Good vacation so far, aside from the faceless man telling us "You will never leave this island." 291240185
Reposted by Alicia HawkesThe Sick Times @thesicktimes.org · 19/11/2024Before COVID-19, Beck Levy was a hardcore punk rock performer. Now, she has severe #LongCOVID and has watched her place in the world creep away from her. This week at The Sick Times, read Beck’s essay about what it feels like when your subculture leaves you behind. bit.ly/3V0KJBv 10516209
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 20/11/2024Important Rules for my followers on Bluesky: 1. Treat me like your granddaughter even if younger than me 2. Do NOT point out my faults 3. Admit to me that the Phil Collins-fronted Genesis had some amazing hits 4. If I’m ever job hunting write one sample cover letter for me just to get me started 2323
Reposted by Alicia HawkesCaitlin Hulsey @caithuls.bsky.social · 19/11/2024[me doing body positivity] I love my skin prison 121091226
Reposted by Alicia Hawkesvladchoc @vladchoc.bsky.social · 20/11/2024Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth. 272573591
Reposted by Alicia Hawkeskid gruesome @smeagolsfree.bsky.social · 18/11/2024I noticed I get really depressed Monday through Friday. Wonder what that's about 312414
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 20/11/2024You can be married but still spiritually a spinster 0282
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 16/11/2024“Hope she sees this, bro” - me to self re: my to-do list 05510
Reposted by Alicia HawkesHouse of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social · 16/10/2024"EAR MUFFS WHEN IT'S 55°? HO HO, I WISH YOU LUCK ON MAKING IT TO SPRING," I boom as my shorts-clad body emerges, steaming, from the Rite Aid 853177
Reposted by Alicia HawkesSorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 14/11/2024A lot of very funny and talented people have written for Sorrowscopes over the years- here they are! bsky.app/starter-pack... 44829207
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 12/10/2024Changing my email sign off from “Best,” to “Help,” 29712
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 05/10/2024I gotta score one of those “sleeping draughts” that people in old timey books were taking 1211
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 14/09/2024Trying to get neither paranoid nor weirdly proud that a lot of people in my life seem to associate me with Jason Voorhees. 0101
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 17/08/2023Great news! It’s now not only acceptable but preferred to spend all day doing lymphatic self-massage, gua sha and face yoga! The dark days when we did not spend all our time and mental energy on this are behind us! People will be jailed for having sluggish lymph in our lifetime! #goldenage 090
Reposted by Alicia HawkesPhineas, a corpse @phineas.bsky.social · 05/08/2023Saturday painting. From a photo I found online of a guy who made himself a costume out of a parachute and raw meat. Will probably mess with it more after it sits a while. 152
Alicia Hawkes @aliciahawkes.bsky.social · 01/08/2023Every single time I watched Pee Wee’s Playhouse my dog would go berserk during the theme song. I swear there were dog whistles in it to hype up the pets. 0211
