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Steven Burns

@stevenroyburns.bsky.social
112 followers 136 following 2.4K posts

All my own teeth. Fulham, Ayr Utd, Windsor&Eton, London Scottish FC, Shed Seven, LibDems, Français, Deutsch, Srpsko-Hrvatski, Русскоязычный 🇺🇦 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇲🇹 Still rocking the double denim. Not the Blue's Clues guy despite what Google AI thinks.

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Steven Burns
Angry People in Local Newspapers @apiln.bsky.social · 3h
Things which are not like the “Third World”: Lack of fibre broadband in a nice village in Kent where the average house price is between £700,000 to £900,000, where residents can go about their business openly and shamelessly wearing red trousers.
kentonline.co.uk
‘Don’t let Kent village become a third-world broadband dead zone’
A rural Kent village is in danger of becoming a “third world dead zone” when a broadband provider pulls out, residents fear.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 8h
A terrific article and accompanying thread. Dmitry has a very particular talent for expressing important concepts in extraordinarily concise and digestible language.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 22h
🎯
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Enough with Halloween crap already.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Easy. Switch to EV. Cycle. Public transport. Walk. All 4 in combination. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Fuel prices leave people in the South asking 'what can we do?'
Record fuel prices across the country have left people in the South looking for ways to cope.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
honey i am a guy & i shrunk the kids @snowrespecter.bsky.social · 17/03/2025
if at first you don't succeed, tell yourself some bullshit
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
My hearing aids have revealed that my house makes a mysterious cracking noise regularly, which is evidently outside of my natural range, and now my mission is to track it down and eliminate it. This may be the end of me.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Good. Lord. I cannot implore you to read this thread and watch the show in question sufficiently.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Catio Miles @catiomiles.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
And in his previous UKIP version of Farage Party, they were staunch defenders of the £. But now they promote crypto instead.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Scotland defence watching the Swiss coming at them #TheFootball #SCOSUI
static.klipy.com
Paul McGann in Withnail And I
ALT: Paul McGann in Withnail And I
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
The Man City thing is going to be fucking hilarious if the Premier League throw them out and the EFL refuse to accept them. National League? Northern League? Hahahaha fucking ha. Hope it happens. Then Chelsea too.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
this goodly frame the earth, seems to me a sterile fucking promontory
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Non-league, Serbian style.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Pint?
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
This is England. Stick this up your lamp-posts.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Beau @drbeaubeaumont.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
This man has actually made me want to go to Leeds. The extent of this achievement cannot be understated.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
According to my celebrity advisor @mickeyonions.bsky.social we were stood next to actor Ian Hart out of off the Harry Potter fillums in the boozer tonight. I'll have to take his word for it. But he seemed a jolly decent sort. Amazing what happens when you get off yer arse and leave the provinces.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Been a wee while since I've been in the company of such fashion luminaries. #TheMusic #TheOldBastards #Magnum2026. How is Bob Catley still wailing so magnificently at 79 I know not. He's got me undone.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
While donating blood the first time I was unexpectedly offered club biscuits and I ate so many that I spasmed my lower jaw and my mouth got stuck open.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Alistair Coleman @alistaircoleman.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
“Look Special Patrol Group - it’s Amazulu” “Oh really, am a Glaswegian” #totp
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Dell Preston out of off Wayne's World II is here.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
To the 80s Hair Metal/Lord of the Rings Rock gig! 🎸 👩‍🦰 👖👖 #DoubleDenim
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
@mickeyonions.bsky.social Need your urgent advice Sir! Pre-gig boozer needed in the Islington Assembly Hall neighborhood for tonight, for a man who likes weak, clear, brown beer which isn't Greene King IPA. Not asking for a friend.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Bob Catley doesn't get enough credit in the pantheon of musical Birmingham luminaries. His voice knocks Osbourne into a cocked hat.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
@mickeyonions.bsky.social As previously discussed as a possibility for a pint and a match... remind me of the decent local boozer?
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
We are top of the league say we are top of the league #TheFootball
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Reposted by Steven Burns
daughterofmrandmrss @nosregis.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
The RNLI have got some great Christmas decorations, cards & gifts for sale online right now. It would be so lovely if you could take a moment to look, buy some cool festive items or just donate. Thanks for your time lovely people :) shop.rnli.org/pages/christ...
shop.rnli.org
Christmas | RNLI Shop
We have the perfect lifesaving gifts for you and your crew. Order them online at shop.RNLI.org and help us to save lives for another 200 years.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Republic @republiccampaign.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Andy - why are you giving the royals another £50 million when our public services are crumbling? No more handouts to billionaire families. Time to scrap the grant. #AbolishTheMonarchy
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Fruit in a savoury dish, with the exception of lemon and lime, is an abomination, particularly orange and cherry.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

1
Wide shot of the BRITISH MUSEUM. There are suggestions of fascism around the streets - tanks, barricades, an Orwellian 'Big Brother'-style poster on a wall. A voice of a TOUR GUIDE emanates from the museum:

TOUR GUIDE:
So the Tapestry tells acrucial chapter of our nation's history...

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[Cut to interior of museum. A long Bayeaux-style TAPESTRY is on display, and the Tour Guide is speaking to a tour group]

TOUR GUIDE [smiling]:
How modern fascist Britain was created. 

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TOUR GUIDE:
The Tapestry begins here with the 2008 Crash, then austerity, then the AI Crash...

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TOUR GUIDE:
...and by the end of the room it's just full-on fash. 

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CHILD IN TOUR GROUP [gesturing to the tapestry]:
What's this middle bit?

TOUR GUIDE:
This is the 2026 Battle of Legitimate Concerns 

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TOUR GUIDE:
[show a reporter standing next to the Dover protests]
Here's the media saying the government have got to do something about the legitimate concerns...

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CHILD:
...About the failure of capitalism?

TOUR GUIDE:
No about brown people on boats

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CHILD:
[pointing at boats crossing the sea on the tapestry]
Are these boats the mega-dinghies?

TOUR GUIDE:
Not all of them

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[we see one of the boats  is a giant yacht]
TOUR GUIDE:
That one's a superyacht,
carrying money from the American fascists to the British ones.

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TOUR GUIDE:
You see really it's as much a story of convergence as it is of conflict.

[An alarm sounds in the museum]
DING DING DING DING 

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TOUR GUIDE:
Ok, tour over everyone 

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TOUR GUIDE:
It's time for the Two Minute Hate!

[They all leave the museum]

[ends]
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Just seen someone on a discussion page about the Russian invasion of Ukraine talk about the Suvlaki Gap. Evidently it's all Greek to them.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Banning fishing, eh? Finally, a Trump policy I can get behind.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
And today's Massive Disappointment in Media award goes to... 🥁 ... Victoria Derbyshire. How dare she speak to this lady like this. How dare she assert that people being openly racist to this lady are "not far right" just because they're Boden catalogue Waitrose niceynicey Oxfordshire poshos.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The media treating this story as some hilarious 'village that roared' nighy-dench-mirren movie is pissing me right the fuck off. It's soft-selling fascism. We have become an inward looking, xenophobic joke.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Angry People in Local Newspapers @apiln.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Today in LibDems doing LibDem things, Reading LibDems take on WaterBastard™️
readingchronicle.co.uk
Thames Water blasted for hosepipe ban as company loses millions of litres to leaks
Thames Water has been blasted in Reading for the ongoing hosepipe ban, as the company has lost millions of litres of water each day due to leaks.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Heather Burns @heatherburnstech.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Regular reminder that JG Ballard’s final novel, “Kingdom Come” (2006), is about a far-right English town which creates their own militarised breakaway state in a shopping mall, where they worship the gods of St George and consumerism. Old JG wrote it as tongue-in-cheek satire. At the time.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Declaring themselves a "Principality" rather than a Republic clearly signals the level of arseholery we're witnessing here. Oooo, oooo, I'm a Prince, let me be the Prince ooo please, Sir. Vacuous nimby gobshite morons. English aspirational middle classes, urgh.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Gavin Shoebridge @kiwiev.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
All that oily soot in the water ain't good. That electric outboard motor, however... 😎
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Reposted by Steven Burns
The Empty City @davidallengreen.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Political party opposed to the European Convention on Human Rights minded to rely on the European Convention on Human Rights before the the European Court of Human Rights.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
The Empty City @davidallengreen.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Party that wants to retrospectively change rules so as to remove migrants also says retrospective rules on party funding are "dictatorship tactics".
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Activists? ACTIVISTS???? Fuck off. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Anti-migrant activists like Danny Tommo are changing tactics
Patriot Platform wants to build a group of working-class voters to influence political parties on the right.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Well, maybe if NIMBY South Oxfordshire Council and its snotty NIMBY residents would agree to a new Thames crossing at Caversham/Earley, they wouldn't have to worry about this. Would they. The NIMBYs. They've been holding it up for about 60 years. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Plans to stop HGV 'short-cut' through Henley-on-Thames
Options, including a congestion charge, are being considered to reduce lorries in the riverside town.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Oh I can do way more than that, lads. Very low bar.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
@mickeyonions.bsky.social for sure
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Alex von Tunzelmann @alexvont.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
If you feel like donating to the RNLI, here’s a link. I just have. Their minimum donation is £2: I think it might be nice for them to receive a lot of donations this week, even if they’re mostly very modest. Just so they know a lot of people out here appreciate their work. rnli.org/support-us/g...
rnli.org
Donate to the RNLI and help save lives at sea
Your donations really make a difference. We depend on your generosity to educate people to stay safe and prevent tragedies on and offshore. Donate here.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Keith Burge @carryonkeith.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Some kid starting senior school is not news.
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Reposted by Steven Burns
Jeff Billington @facesofjeff.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Fucking state of this, don't know where to start.Giggling ladies having a great day off from the concentration camp with the lads from the SS.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Blimey just seen a Millwall shirt in the wild. I am not in Kansas any more.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Pint? I've got Permanent Wood, at One Inn the Wood, Petts Wood.
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Steven Burns @stevenroyburns.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Sarf East that London for me today as I head down to Petts Wood (where?) for #TheFootball and hopefully FA Cup glory for Windsor & Eton FC. Bit off your manor, @mickeyonions.bsky.social, or do you know of good boozoirs round there?
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