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lazers everywhere.

@lazers-everywhere.bsky.social
128 followers 227 following 423 posts
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Billy Hurley @billyhurls.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
There is no McTry. There is only:
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Sarah Andersen @sarahseeandersen.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
The image is of a four panel comic. The title reads "Poltergeist".
In the first panel we see a woman with a worried expression on her face. She says, "stuff keeps moving around my house."
In the second panel the same woman says "I'm terrified. I can't sleep."
In the third panel we see a ghost holding a candle and a pillow that reads "live laugh love". The ghost is zooming through the house.
In the fourth panel we see the same ghost hanging up a frame and thinking, "home decor is my passion".
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Pookleblinky @pookleblinky.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
There's a ton of video games out now where you have a job, job simulator games are huge right now, but there are none where the entire game is *you quitting a job* Imagine a game where the entire game is you quitting jobs of various kinds as dramatically and messily as possible. Last day simulator
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
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Brain bugs @ciabrainbugs.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I never got that far into the smash roster
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Brain bugs @ciabrainbugs.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
When I stopped making these someone on reddit messaged me to make sure I didn't off myself.
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
i am NOT a cottagecore lesbian. i am a haunted house bisexual >:-(
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Text: "All our Ancient Greek ancestors looking at us having all these complex machines that can do the work of 1000s of men but yet we all still have jobs instead of having orgies outside and eating figs"

Image: a cartoon skeleton with their hands up looking indignant
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
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Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Ah yes the circle of life
• Dispatched
Sep 25 23:03 pm
In Transit
Sep 26 09:52 am
Delayed
Sep 26 10:57 am
Held By Carrier
Sep 26 15:07 pm
Destroyed
Sep 26 15:08 pm
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Her: I need advice.
Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast)
You came to the right person.
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Yes.
if 5/4 is Star Wars Day can 9/25 be
Dolly Parton day?
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
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Truman Peyote @charminggrump.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
So true
A picture of some slices of bologna on a plate, and the text says, "bologna is just hotdogs for people who like pancakes"
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
BDSM (Bread Dipped in Soup Mmmm)
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
When you're bi yourself. #bivisibilityday💗💜💙
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Chris Ingraham @cingraham.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Incredible Facebook slop ad I just got
Horse pin with an illustration of a horse and the following text:
"Give a man a horse he'll eat in a day, teach a man to horse. and make him drinks water."
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Dudes, get into the Halloween spirit. If you're going to send a dick pic, send a picture of your empty hand instead. Tell her you're holding a ghost dick (ooh, so spooky). In fact, use this technique all year long - nobody wants to fucking see your weird goblin wiener anyway.
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terrible towelie @terribletowelie.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
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Cheez 🖤 comms closed! @ricecakehomie.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
This is immediately going into my vocab
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
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🎃Squirmin Hellville🎃 @rhetorusrex.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
An oldie but this one fits I think
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Tweet from the federalist stinks!!!! (@rajandelman):

Me, drawing little x's and o's on a football field, indicating where I think players should hug and kiss
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
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gem (real name) 💎 @gemcitygem.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
me: hi gimme a large pizza pizza guy: any appetizers? me: what do you have? pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce pizza guy: and for your dip? me: sauce
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
text: "me trying to stop myself from replying to someone in .2 seconds after it took them a week to reply to me"

image: bobby hill meditating cross legged in his room with a stick of incense burning
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Interviewer: Why should we hire you as a reverse psychologist?

Me: You shouldn't

Welcome aboard
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
garfield comics can be substantially improved by cropping off the third panel.

Jon Arbuckle:
"HERE'S A CARROT FOR YOUR DIET, GARFIELD. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT"

Garfield:
"I CERTAINLY DO."
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
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are you not infotained @alopex-ii.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Services I provide for my cats
Chicago streets and sanitation truck with the first s missing so it says treets and sanitation
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CRIMINAL SIMPSONS @criminalsimpsons.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
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Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
@nocontextbrits - "I think my Uber driver is in trouble." Below the text is a GPS map view showing the blue waters of the River Thames with a dark car icon floating directly in the middle of it.
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Alex Steed @alexsteed.bsky.social · 09/01/2024
Pretty rude to invite me to a party at your funky little shack and then require that I bring juke box money.
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Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
@Fwmaddy_ - He cheated on me with the same girl my other ex cheated on me with

@Hoodville_  -  she up 2-0, you gotta play some offense

Briana Hernandez -  Go sleep with her too. See what all the fuss is about. 😆
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
"My mum ordered ice cream and she said "do you want to use the spoon that comes with this?" And I said "no, I'm going to use my autism spoon." THEN SHE PULLED THIS BEAUTY OUT"

Picture of a beautiful, long, white, plastic ice cream spoon.
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Quotes from the Prince of the Dark @ralseiquotes.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Ummm, Susie...? Not to downplay your contributions, but... You... didn't actually help at all.
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
RIP, DP.
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Stellbound: Stellraiser II @antlervel.vet · 22/08/2026
Tom of Gotchi
Black tamagotchi superimposed over a Tom of Finland drawing
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Ian Boudreau @ianboudreau.com · 21/08/2026
I don't even think trypophobia is a real thing and now I have it
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
A tweet:

I hate it when you go to a fancy restaurant and the food tastes like the chef doesn't have any tattoos
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lazers everywhere. @lazers-everywhere.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I love how Simba acts upset when Mufasa dies as if he didn't just do a choreographed musical number called "I Just Can't Wait To Be King".
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For the Love of Missy @missybbbobtail.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
My cat has 2 lap settings: 1. You attempted to lift your leg, but I am the weight of 10,000 dying suns, & I will not be disturbed. You will perish here. 2. You moved your ankle 1/10000th of an inch. I am leaving immediately. You've offended not only me but my ancestors.
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FunnyVia @funnyvia.com · 17/08/2026
I've told my cat a million times to stop opening interdimensional portals in my house....
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Ian Boudreau @ianboudreau.com · 12/11/2024
Warhammer is Precious Moments for people who hate God
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Ian Boudreau @ianboudreau.com · 16/08/2026
A lot of people don't know this, but when you brush a cat, you are legally required to show them the wad of cat hair that came off of them and tell them "this is enough for another whole cat"
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