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Julian Morrison

@julianmorrison.bsky.social
86 followers 59 following 260 posts

Retired, but still not sure what I'm going to do when I grow up

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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 7h
I've now come to the conclusion that when people come to you with a problem they don't always want a solution. They simply want sympathy.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I’m so old, I can remember getting through an entire day without taking a picture of anything.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Took the kids to the zoo on Sunday. I wasn’t that impressed with the bird sanctuary at the time, but the owls were tremendous looking back.
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
We went into a French restaurant bar, sat down and waited for ages being totally ignored by a waiter at the counter. In frustration I went over to him and asked if he had frogs legs. Waiter: yes of course sir Me: well, hop over the bar and get us a couple of beers then
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Mr Roger Quimbly @rogerquimbly.bsky.social · 10/10/2023
My doctor says I'm having a mid-life crisis. I was so surprised I nearly fell off my skateboard.
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Lady at the bar asked for some ice in a glass with her j2o and said "that's solid" when it arrived. The barman replied, without hesitation: yes, otherwise it would be water.
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Barry Deutsch @barrydeutsch.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I was really enjoying this until the extended fatphobic content at the end.
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Ukraine peace talks are planned between Trump, Pootin and Xi. Who is Xi, the cat's mother?
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Seriously? Who has a stage name demeaning his manhood
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David Quantick @quantick.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
My wife left me for a tractor driver. I only found out today when she wrote me a John Deere letter.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper so tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck. Now sitting in A&E waiting to see a cardyologist.
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Stansaid Airport @stansaidairport.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Do you have little ones who are nervous about flying? This is a great bedtime read before you go.
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Jason @nickmotown.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I’ve always loved jelly, ever since I was a kid. So when I was told that you could get “jelly deals” in East London, I was there like a shot, and asked for some. What a con. Utterly disgusting, like somebody sneezed on a fish head. And it cost me eight quid. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
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The Guardian @theguardian.com · 01/09/2026
‘Unbelievable’: how a tiny island in Canada appeared, vanished, and reappeared miles away
theguardian.com
‘Unbelievable’: how a tiny island in Canada appeared, vanished, and reappeared miles away
The 500 feet long, heavily forested land mass surprises locals by popping up on Williston Lake in British Columbia
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Jason @nickmotown.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
It's always a life-affirming joy to revisit Walter, the Sicilian labrador, whose owner popped a camera on him and let him bomb down to the sea... www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uowk...
youtube.com
Run Walter, RUN!!
YouTube video by sciu89
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Trump/US population, global warming bring it on: www.bbc.co.uk/future/artic...
bbc.co.uk
Two giant warming patterns are brewing in the Pacific and warping US weather
A rare but powerful combination of an immense Pacific Ocean heatwave and a "super El Niño" will have profound effects on US weather this autumn. Here are five changes to expect.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Just reading Jamie Oliver’s scrambled egg instructions. “Your eggs should be soft and fluffy”. No they shouldn’t. If they are, it means they’ve hatched.
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
If there's time to lean there's time to clean
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I've been roaming the internet to find a suitable place for our holiday and found that all roams lead to Rhodes
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Scenes of amazement at the Nurburgring as a new fastest lap time is set by a test driver in concept car, the Audi Doodat.
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Up your game US: China leads the world significantly, with electric vehicles and plug-in hybrids making up over 50% to 60% of all new passenger car sales. In contrast, electric vehicles account for roughly 10% of new car sales in the United States.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
I'm not sure, but the whole “play dead when a bear attacks” thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with.
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Stansaid Airport @stansaidairport.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Fed up with the 100ml rule through security? Simply visit our website to buy before you fly.
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Dee Lomas @deelomas.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Met this lovely lady at the weekend. She asked me if I had any pets. “Yes. A goldfish.” I replied. “Any hobbies?” She asked. “He likes swimming..”
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
I was singing my new song ‘Bedsit’ to my friend, but she said it was a little flat.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
If you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
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Jason @nickmotown.bsky.social · 22/11/2024
There’s an envelope on my doormat with “DO NOT BEND” on it. What am I supposed to do, then - pick it up with my foot?
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Just watching the Switzerland v Columbia game. I thought I would add a bit more excitement at half time by watching some paint dry
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Happy birthday America. Try not to bomb anyone today x
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Me: I need batteries for my camera. My mate: What does it take? Me: Pictures.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Looking after a dog is harder than people think. You can't just put a bone in its mouth and stick it in a cage in front of the telly like you can with a baby.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
“Just seen a couple having sex on the common”. “Clapham?” “No, I don’t think they needed any encouragement”.
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Jeanine 💙 @madammaleficent.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Saw this and laughed so hard.
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
"The old lady I see in the park every day has had her house raided." "Sniffer dogs?" "No, I usually just say good morning to her".
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
You should choose words carefully at job interviews. It’s more professional to say ‘I’ve blazed my own trail’, than ‘I light my own farts’.
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Bernie Banshee @berniebanter.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
‘What do you mean Burnham isn’t in the Epstein Files? Look again!’
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
I thought there was supposed to be a heat wave today in the UK. It's bloody freezing 🥶
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Acid Rain @bearysweet.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
Cow in a bottle 🖌️🧑‍🎨 - Traditional Chinese inside-painted snuff bottle (内画鼻烟壶), an art form featuring intricate paintings on the interior surface of glass. This art form requires a high level of technical mastery and patience. Only those with steady hands need apply. #art #chinese #heritage #paint
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
What happens when Weetabix are out of date, do they go dry and tasteless?
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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
Every so often on this train, a 60s rock star shouts out "Yeah! What?! Who is this? Stop calling my name! Who is this?!" I think it's Stan Clear, of The Doors.
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Jason @nickmotown.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
I used to go out with a woman called Jacqueline Hyde. God, the mood swings.
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Stansaid Airport @stansaidairport.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
Just been to the gate of a delayed flight to let everyone know what's happening. I noticed an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German right at the back of the area. They couldn't really see me, so I stood on a box and shouted, 'Can you see me now?' 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
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Stansaid Airport @stansaidairport.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
True story.
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
Dam... I thought I was losing it but now it is lost
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Julian Morrison @julianmorrison.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
bsky.app/profile/reut... Who would have imagined a mechanical device could go faster than a human?
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@Joust_A_Minute @joustaminute.bsky.social · 18/04/2026
My wife just passed her driving test and asked me to buy her something cheap to run around in. So I bought her a pair of trainers from Lidl.
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Jonathan McDowell @planet4589.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
Artemis 2 was the furthest human voyage from Earth. Per the final JPL Horizons trajectory I estimate the max distance from the geocenter was 413145 km at 2304 UTC Apr 6 (about 4 km less and 1 min later than PAO's report at the time). (1 / n ).....
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The Guardian @theguardian.com · 13/04/2026
‘Blasphemy’: outrage after Trump posts AI image of himself as Christ-like figure
theguardian.com
‘Blasphemy’: outrage after Trump posts AI image of himself as Christ-like figure
The US president’s conservative, Christian supporters decried the Truth Social post, calling it ‘disgusting’ Just months after signing legislation that will pull nearly 12 million Americans off health insurance by gutting Medicaid, Donald Trump posted an AI-generated image of himself to Truth Social on Sunday depicting him as a Jesus Christ-like figure, with divine light emanating from his hands as he heals a stricken man in a hospital bed with a demon from hell floating in the background. Some of his most high-profile and loyal Christian supporters, many of whom have stood by the president through multiple other indiscretions, are unable to contain their righteous fury. Continue reading...
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