A Matter of Life and Death
Get Carter
Withnail & I
The Wicker Man
Brief Encounter
Alan Smith
@flanderosa.bsky.social
632 followers 746 following 1.9K posts
Film fanatic | Preston North End, Lancaster City & Patriots | ❤️#gaming (PSN/XBL = flanderosa) | introverted #bookworm | Spittoon investigator and Eldritch Eradicator | He/Him/His
![The scene is a LATE NIGHT CHAT SHOW, present day. The audience are clapping the host who is starting the show.
On the center of the wall behind the host is a huge version of the famous Author Portrait of William Shakespeare from the First Folio - the image is the iconic one we have of Shakespeare, ruff, beard, bald].
[Close up on the HOST.]
HOST:
And now - l can't believe I'm actually saying this...
Please welcome. through the newly invented Time Portal..
[We see now that there is a glowing hi tech box on the stage]
HOST:
MR… WILLIAM… SHAKESPEARE!
[Huge applause, whoops, cheering from the audience]
[Through the Time Portal comes WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE - grinning and waving to the audience, revelling in the attention. He has a full, glorious, brown, flowing head of hair.]
SHAKESPEARE, still smiling glancing up at the huge author portrait on stage]:
Who's the bald guy?
HOST:
That's your author portrait!
It's the only one we've had of you for the past 400 years.
[Shakespeare again. His grin is fixed but waning. He looks at the host. Back at the bald portrait. We see it again. It is really very bald. Shakespeare looks a it. His grin is fading ever so slightly now. He looks back at the host.]
HOST:
I believe it was put at the front of your collected works after you died by your lifelong rival, Ben Jonson.
[Shakespeare again. Shakespeare’s smile has gone now. He looks back at the host. He looks back at the bald portrait. He looks at the host again. Then he abruptly turns and walks back out of shot]]
SHAKESPEARE:
COME HERE JONSON YOU FU- [Words truncated as he disappears back in time through the portal, while the host runs trying to catch him]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiedk4wnxtgxhhx3scdw3evxkpi3pd2xjflkw4nhb4a4migrlew6yu)
![[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN]
1
JESUS [speaking into intercom]
Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please
2
SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]:
Hi boss
JESUS:
Hi Nick
3
JESUS:
Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing...
SANTA:
Ohh not this again boss
4
JESUS:
Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand.
5
JESUS:
I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries…
And now you’re like…
6
JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]:
I mean - what’s this.
7
SANTA:
This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s
JESUS:
*That’s what I mean.*
8
JESUS:
You’ve just gone too -
SANTA:
Oh no, oh no -
9
SANTA:
Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh?
10
SANTA:
You said: “I ain’t going back there”
11
SANTA:
If you wanna take over -
JESUS:
Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"...
12
SANTA:
You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good -
JESUS:
*WATCH IT NICK*.
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayhglimve4fbwilzyfjedpa56xwmjq4oriqqs62atkospprs6x5y)