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All-Seeing Goat Wizard

@bschaefer.bsky.social
68 followers 67 following 1.7K posts

Just happy to be here

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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Iowa's backup quarterback is ten times better than their starter, and how did Kirk Ferentz screw that decision up that badly?
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Dear Ryan Day, Never send your field goal kicker onto the field ever again. Sincerely, Every OSU fan who has watched a game in the last decade
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Michigan moves to a 2-3 record overall this season.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Was this an appropriate response? I feel like it was an appropriate response.
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Jerad Walker @jeradwalker.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
There’s a guy who shows up to random pickup basketball games and starts refereeing. And sure it’s a funny bit, but he’s also good at it.
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Dan Devine @yourmandevine.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
"Whatever you do with your time, while you're here, every single day: give a shit ... Do it with purpose and gratitude, and surround yourself with people you love that also give a shit. I don't know, because I don't know anything. But that might be the key to life." www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhXQ...
youtube.com
EXCLUSIVE: Jon Moxley shares his favorite life lesson from PAC
YouTube video by All Elite Wrestling
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UncleofJamiroquai @jessefarrar.com · 01/10/2026
It seems quaint now that we do all our banking and race science there, but, nevertheless, it's true: at one time, people mostly wrote jokes on Twitter. 10 years ago, I wrote one about an old asshole and it kinda changed my life. Not his, though. www.cnn.com/2026/10/01/u...
cnn.com
The tweet that defined a decade of Trump | CNN
It’s been 10 years since Jesse Farrar accidentally defined a political era with one pithy, prescient tweet. He wishes it never happened.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Trust me, there are PLENTY of vinyl record collectors who want nothing more than to help you curate your record collection and you may actually have something to talk about.
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
this is the only political ad that understands the situation
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Bonesito @bonesito.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
When someone accuses me of going to a Hawks game.
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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 29/09/2026
awoke this morning with a Vision
that diagram showing  the SUV blind spot in the front but it's lowly worm driving his little applemobile
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Lost in all of this is that everything conservatives touch dies because at its core, no one actually wants it. It's a reminder that like 23% of the country actually voted for Trump and all this bullshit.
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
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Peter Sagal @petersagal.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
[Smug Don Johnson in “Knives Out” voice:] I was reading Daniel Dale when he was at the Toronto Star. www.cnn.com/2026/09/27/p...
cnn.com
I started fact-checking Trump 10 years ago. Here are 15 things I’ve learned | CNN Politics
Ten years ago this month, in my old job as Washington correspondent for the Toronto Star, I started what I believed would be a quick little side project: fact-checking underdog presidential candidate ...
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
There's nothing that's legal coming from this, is there?
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BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL AKA PRESIDENT FOOTBALL @edsbs.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Here it is, Jake Pinegar from a miss in the 2020 PSU/Indiana game. Upright mic’d for maximum bass boost, sounds like someone getting punched with a cartoon boxing glove
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Somewhere this evening Gus Johnson just confused No 6 Devin Sanchez with No 8 Jaylen McClain again.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I hate the Modelo commercial where the OSU and Michigan fan watch the game every year and act like friends at the end. Under no circumstances do you make friends with a Michigan fan and voluntarily see them during the football season. At the end he pats the guy on the shoulder. That's 100% cooties.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
An absolute all-timer headline from @theonion.com 10/10 no notes. theonion.com/dog-cant-bel...
theonion.com
Dog Can’t Believe Guy She Hooked Up With 10 Years Ago Now Head Of FBI
WASHINGTON—Reflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was...
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The Onion @theonion.com · 25/09/2026
“He definitely isn’t fluent, and I doubt he’ll ever get there, but he’s truly come a long way from being unable to pronounce a single word intelligibly.” — Xi Jinping
theonion.com
Xi Jinping Impressed With How Much Trump’s English Has Improved Since Last Visit
WASHINGTON—Marveling at how his American counterpart’s grasp of the difficult language had progressed, Chinese leader Xi Jinping told reporters Thursday that he was deeply impressed with how much Pres...
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Paging @nickywoolf.bsky.social for your regularly scheduled end of week "agreement" to manipulate the markets.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Side rant: I hate when an AI apologizes or says something insinuating that it has feelings. Nope nope nope. Don't apologize. That means less than nothing. There's no remorse because there's no feelings and stop trying to blur the lines.
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TOM @tomwalker.bsky.social · 17/07/2023
KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor
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Randall Munroe @xkcd.com · 22/09/2026
Tyrannosaurus xkcd.com/3300/
Comic. [Person with long hair pointing to diagram with Tyrannosaurus Rex standing next to a person.] PERSON: We now believe the primary prey of Tyrannosaurus Rex was these humans who kept standing next to it for scale.
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Ken Tremendous @kentremendous.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I wish there were a single sentence that could simultaneously encapsulate and explain every single problem we have in modern society.
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Rocko Screens @rockoscreens.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Rocko's Modern Life - Season 3 Episode 13A - Zanzibar - Frame 297
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SMUCKLES, Horseboat Captain @thegax.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| _ ┻┳| •.•) Clempson ┳┻|⊂ノ ┻┳|
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Gus Johnson pretty much mailing it in for Big Noon kickoffs nowadays
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Lobbying Ryan Day to take 5 straight delay of game penalties if they get down to the 5 yard line so Ohio State can score a touchdown.
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David Ubben @davidubben.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
How much did your team spend on its roster? Our staff @theathletic.com spent months and talked to countless people inside and outside of every Power 4 program in search of the answer. Here's what we found. Free story: www.nytimes.com/athletic/int...
nytimes.com
Does your college football roster cost $8M or $50M? Here's our report on 68 teams (Gift Article)
The best teams are, on average, the ones paying players the most, but there's a wide disparity between the schools at the top and the bottom of major conferences.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
UPDATE: Sources say Mystik Spiral has also pulled out of the Ed Sheeran tour.
Mystik Spiral from MTV's Daria
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Mitch McConnell is the closest we've ever gotten to an actual public Weekend at Bernies situation.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Can we start with boomers first?
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Every coach should be required to play Madden to understand clock management. It should be a prerequisite. If Ryan Day played Madden he'd know you let them score at 1:30
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
BUMP
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Tail slaps.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
RANK WESTERN MICHIGAN YOU COWARDS
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Ted Cruz is there? Bucks by a billion.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Miami U had one of the worst football schedules I've ever seen in my entire life. Just dog shit then they play Notre Dame and then absolutely nothing afterwards.
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Every now and again the quintessential Onion headline comes out: The Onion: Trump Claims He Was Falling Man
theonion.com
Trump Claims He Was Falling Man
WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midai...
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
The Michigan win a game without an asterisk challenge
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Remember that time that Michigan openly flouted the NCAA and didn't cooperate and then sued and laughed at them as they didn't take any wins away? Now would be a HILARIOUS rebuttal.
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Joshua J. Friedman @joshuajfriedman.com · 07/09/2026
I found the best book: a 1963 dictionary of Italian hand gestures
Supplemento al dizionario italiano, by Bruno Munari, a white paperback with a photo of a hand giving the classic Italian finger-purse “Che vuoi” hand gesture
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I don't know much about Florida State but in 15 minutes I've learned: 1. Mike Norvell is not very good 2. Holy crap his own fans hate him
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
There's been some all time punts in college football this weekend.
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Major @majorarschloch.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
static.klipy.com
Mooninite Athf
ALT: Mooninite Athf
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All-Seeing Goat Wizard @bschaefer.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I don't condone this type of talk from coaches unless it's against 1. Dabo Swinney 2. Michigan
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Sickos Committee @sickoscommittee.org · 06/09/2026
Did the Big Ten need to release their statement in the same font as the back of choose your own adventure books?
STATEMENT FROM THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE
Following video review, it was determined Western Michigan's #18 started his jump from an established out-of-bounds position (left foot) and made contact with the ball with one second remaining on the clock. As shown in the provided video of what was viewed during the replay process, a side-by-side view of the play and the game clock, using a direct shot of the game clock in the stadium, was used to determine the final ruling.
Eighty-five minutes prior to the game, all broadcast cameras used for the replay system, including the camera on the game clock, are synced using a strobe system to ensure all cameras are aligned.
Per NCAA Football rule 4-2-3-a, "A ball not in player control, other than a kick that scores a field goal, is out of bounds when it touches the ground, a player, a game official or anything else that is out-of-bound, or that is on or outside a boundary line." and thus the clock is stopped.
BIG
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