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Alison B

@akbea.bsky.social
2.1K followers 733 following 17K posts

I twist other people's words for money. rewritten.uk Anything pre-July 2023 is imported from Twitter; I don't have a time machine. Not that I'd tell you about, anyway.

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Alison B
Dr Dean Burnett @drdeanburnett.bsky.social · 23h
"By using AI, tasks like essays that used to take hours can be completed in minutes!" Sure, like how if I arrive at the gym and immediately go for a shower, my workout is done in record time. And if I throw my sandwiches straight in the bin, I can finish my lunch in under 10 seconds.
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Mike Cook @mtrc.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Every AI/HCI paper I review now just sounds like this.
Research [25] shows that people [26] enjoy the feeling of winning games [3,5,19]. Enjoying things can lead to longer life expectancy [2], higher economic productivity [9,22,33-40,302] and improve mental health [9]. Yet many games still include losing players [67,4]. A recent study showed that less than half of the players in a Chess [1] match win on average [42]. We have developed an LLM-driven co-creative [66], user-led [11], mixed-initiative [80] assistant for Chess [2], through which players can redefine the rules of Chess [3] using generative AI prompting such that they are the winner of Chess [4]. A study (n=3) showed that 100\% of people felt better, healthier and more self-actualised after using our tool, showing that this may be the way forward for games and human culture more broadly in the future.
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Ned Hartley @nedhartley.com · 04/10/2026
Whoever commissioned this awful Tory tapestry must be having Bayeux remorse right now.
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Dewie @judgedewie.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
OMG I had to check my work emails regarding an extra case in court tomorrow and I've just read this from an HR person. "on a knee to nose basis" A KNEE TO NOSE BASIS 😳
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
I've just researched the bonus question, and Two Little Boys by Rolf Harris seems to be the most likely option. I'm never going to research anything ever again.
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M Meerkat @kackbro.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Naomi Klein Is Spot On.......
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Rosamundi @rosamundi.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I had no idea this was an option.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Ah, good old Jimmy McEnroe. Loved his epic battles with John Connors.
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Dan/iel Mudford @danmud.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
HERE IS A LOVELY STORY: a friend lost his wallet on his way home from work the other day. (that's not the lovely bit) 1/2
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
That's brilliant!
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Chose a great place to do it, too! Many congratulations to you both 🥰
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🎃Alice Anne Fayth🎃 @aliceannefayth.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Excellent sign
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Superb.
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Gary Bainbridge @garybainbridge.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
When "white sauce" in fish pie Contains cheese, it’s a lie. That’s a mornay.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Same, on all counts 🤷🏼‍♀️
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
😬
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Hope it goes smoothly for you xx
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Jonn Elledge @jonnelledge.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I want the Prime Minister to look into a TV camera and say the RNLI are heroes, that we do not change policy by street violence in this country, and that he expects any criminal action to face the full force of the law. That's it. That's all he has to do.
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Jon Phillips @jowiph.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I picked up a copy of the collected letters of JRR Tolkien for reasons, and this is the most bullshit table of contents I've ever seen. I'm actively angry that it exists
Contents

Introduction - vii

Foreword to the Revised and Expanded Edition - xi

Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien - 1

Notes - 607

Index - 637
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Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Remember: it could be someone you know.
[Scene is a parody of a 1970s Public Information Film. A young girl is going home from school.] 

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[She leaves the school gates]. 

VOICEOVER:

The world today
is full of people.

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You meet lots of them every day. 

[The girl crosses the road with the help of a LOLLIPOP MAN]

3
LOLLIPOP MAN says ’to camera’ [girl’s POV]:

Mind ‘ow you go, love.

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But every time you meet one,

[She gets on a bus]

5
BUS DRIVER [also talking to camera]:

That’ll be 40p, please

6
[She enters a sweet shop]

You must always think to yourself:

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[The kindly looking woman behind the counter hands her a bag of pick n mix]
 
KINDLY WOMAN:
There y’are, sweet’art...

8
[Voiceover again]:

Could *they* be a person who leaves one-star reviews for things when they get sent the wrong item?

9
[The woman picks up a smartphone to write something]

10
[Cut to a view of her phone screen, it is an Amazon review page for Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro]: 
 
Never Let Me Go
by Kazuo Ishiguro
[one star]
THIS ISN’T A PRIT STICK

11
[Woman looks ‘to camera’ at the girl, sinisterly]

12
[Girl’s terrified face behind the ad’s final text line]:

Always have one-star-reviewers-of-things-for-not-being-other-things sense.

[Ends]
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Indeed.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Not to cast further aspersions on Liverpool, but: Cilla.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Because nobody likes to find a green crisp?
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I wasn't, but only because I'd stupidly arranged to be on holiday in South Africa instead. Two of my friends were, though.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Nice 😁
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
TFW you really shouldn't have had that last slice of zebra
A big male lion lying on his back, legs akimbo, holding his fat belly with one of his front paws.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
I like how Amy has borrowed Tina's finger.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Yes it is.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
A story in three acts, Cape Town.
Flyers stuck to a bollard in Cape Town. They say "Bring Back Lost Lover • Penis Enlargement • Financial Problems"
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Dawn is breaking over Cape Town. There really is no more magnificent sight than giraffes at sunrise.
Cape Town docks at sunrise. There are half a dozen large cranes that look a lot like skeletal giraffes.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
It's so good to know we're going to be exempt from Armageddon.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Well, that's a relief. (cc @visitwakefield.bsky.social)
Screenshot of part of a Facebook post by Wakefield's Reform council. It announces that they have 'scrapped the climate emergency' in Wakefield.
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It's Pipes, Mum! Pipes is here! @scriblit.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
The Amidala talking to Anakin meme. 
1st panel, Anakin asks 'do you like plums?'
2nd panel, Amidala says 'yeah, I'm actually saving some for breakfast'
3rd panel, Anakin stares
4th panel, Amidala looks horrified
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
If the Salticrax didn't float your boat, perhaps the smoky kasi is more your style?
A bag of "smoky kasi" flavoured crisps from Woolworths in Cape Town.
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Halo @eatmyhalo.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
A vintage Ladybird book cover showing a black kitten wearing a yellow ribbon around its neck, standing between two plant pots of with flowering plants in, title of the book is ‘Fuck You and Fuck These Plants’ - made by digitalmeddle on Instagram.
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The man in the corner @lexidays.eurosky.social · 17/08/2026
Oh no. I've got a little bit of cheese on my salticrax
Salticrax with cheese on

Cracker on a white plate with a little bit of cheese on. The cracker says "salticrax".

Its funny because salticrx sounds like salty cracks which sounds like a sweaty bottom and I am very much a child.
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Chris @seismicshed.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
It's been warm outside for quite a time now.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Anyone for Salticrax?
Some crackers we bought in Cape Town. They're called Salticrax.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
One (1). I really wish I hadn't looked.
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HappyToast @happytoast.co.uk · 09/08/2026
I bet all the people who had to sell their homes because of HS2 are kicking themselves for not just saying a CG/puppet sequence for a kids film was filmed at the location. Makes you wonder how whole film studios get flattened. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Harry Potter fans force power link diversion to avoid Dobby's grave
Potter fans complained after a project manager suggested cables would go under the grave in a BBC interview.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
(courtesy of the teachers at Young Master B's school, who performed this very thing at a concert, complete with illustrative greengrocery)
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Missing an ingredient. It's actually: Swede, carrot, lime. Ba-na-na.
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Reposted by Alison B
McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 05/08/2026
"How do I like a profile? Please highlight what you like and add a query."
mcsweeneys.net
FAQ About “Conjunctions,” Our Dating App for Copy Editors
How do I like a profile? Please highlight what you like and add a query.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Grumpy about: the pervasiveness of AI in society and its erosion of human-to-human interaction. Not grumpy about: having the tail of a completely different animal grafted onto his furry arse.
A piece of AI slop art that purports to be a coloured pencil drawing of a grumpy Winnie the Pooh. He is saying "I don't want trains without staff. I don't want to order food only through an app. I don't want supermarkets without cashiers. No matter how convenient AI may seem, I don't want a life without human connection."

Which is a noble sentiment, but the AI slop machine has given Winnie a fox's tail.
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Rich Neville @richneville.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
If you can’t think of anything nice to say, I believe there’s a vacancy at The Spectator.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
New Zealand Papua New Guinea Equatorial Guinea Central African Republic and another one
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Oh, hang on. You said no cardinal points. Oops.
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Alison B @akbea.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
New Zealand Papua New Guinea South Africa South Sudan North Macedonia?
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Gill @crikeys.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
I think I need contact with anyone else who's gone through the breast cancer rollercoaster recently. I've no family, nor anyone else I know that has been through it. I appreciate that you may not want to discuss this, but if you do I'd appreciate it x
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