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Ian Miles Schlong

@tedcruznipples.com
17K followers 5.1K following 40K posts

Area man, unfortunately Bluesky’s #1 Ken Bone hater in Los Angeles he/him

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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 1h
Today I learned that there’s a Mandela Effect thing with this song where everybody remembers it as being sung by Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra, when actually it’s Nat King Cole. And yes, I too remembered it as being much brassier and more Vegas Rat-Packy sounding than the recording acrually is.
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Bob @bumbledan.bsky.social · 2h
And a whole bunch of them were kids.
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Coach Finstock @coachfinstock.bsky.social · 2h
Nothing to worry about all good
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 2h
“Did I mention it’s ahead of schedule and under budget?”
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 2h
“This is going to be tremendously drone-proof at levels we’ve never seen. Your kid wouldn’t have died in here.”
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 3h
I’d imagine Trump might bring in some of his KGB pals to help with this one
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 3h
A “fake terrorist attack” that killed 300 Russian civilians btw
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 3h
I agree. And the scary part to me is that Trump’s BFF Putin solidified his own hold on power by staging a fake terrorist attack in Russia in the early aughts and blaming it on Chechens. Certainly worked out pretty well for him. And I absolutely wouldn’t put it past Trump to want to recreate it.
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Semiocapitalist Industrial Device @jbot3300.bsky.social · 3h
Natalie. The Musical. She got off the bus from Kansas and somehow finds herself in the White House and catering cart.
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Timberdoodle, BUT SPOOKY @timberdoodlydoo.bsky.social · 4h
What in the entire fuck
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LastThird @lastthird.bsky.social · 4h
Well shit, LOL... If they're gonna try to manufacture a base rally preemptively, then there's no point in not doing it! I guess it's time to damn the torpedoes! bsky.app/profile/atru...
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Bored JarJar Fartin @soccerdaddy.bsky.social · 4h
Gonna go capture some Americans and exchange them for Potash Trade
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Which Democrats are YOU talking about specifically?
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Oh my god it’s fucking happening LETS GOOOOOO 🤩💪🥣🇧🇾💞🇺🇸🥸Time to EAT
US to receive potash shipment from Belarus as relations thaw
Washington has begun to ease sanctions on Minsk in exchange for the release of political prisoners
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Meanwhile Democrats: “We need to face the facts and accept that Donald Trump is the president for life”
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scare-cadus (is this anything) 🎃 @birdapp.rip · 4h
that’s the fucked up part. he’s laying the groundwork for massive violence against blue states and we can’t say shit
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
But if we say what Trump deserves, I get black helicopters above my apartment and a multi-hour standoff with a SWAT team that ends in me being riddled with bullets
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
I like steak
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Yeah that’s what it seems like. Good for him I guess. Seems like a whole lot more should.
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
I wish I had known who Bill Kristol was in his pre-woke days so I could be as constantly amazed by radical transformation to wokeness as everybody else around here is
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Not to hand it to Hitler, but at least he was self-made
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
LMAOOOOOO
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
Please sunset your entire organization
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 4h
BREAKING: America’s racist garbage people also stupid, misguided, undeserving of love, data shows
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 5h
Impeach this sickening traitor immediately
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The Onion @theonion.com · 5h
Tilly Norwood Moved To Trash Folder By Deranged Fan
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 5h
Oh wow — she could end up in the Bedminster golf course next to a bunch of classified documents too. I didn’t even consider this. I guess spooky season is on 💀👀
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 5h
This is the most beautiful sentence in the English language
static.klipy.com
Jerry Begs
Alt: Jerry Begs
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 5h
Or Natalie is able to manipulate him into it
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 5h
“Midterm surprise” is utterly bone chilling. This pedophile is up to no good.
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 6h
This would be so funny, and since Donald and Melania clearly hate each other, not even entirely out of the question. Our fantasy of seeing Melania and Barron get deported back to Slovenia just got a whole lot easier to see.
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Blu Lobster @bigbobbyb1.bsky.social · 6h
Sinful
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 6h
Trump shattering the glass ceiling for FUPA representation in American politics
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SanDiegoan @solana77.bsky.social · 6h
O is for the Oprah Magazine you cut your letters out of to make notes for me
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Heartless 🐸🖕🐸 Creatures @heartlesscreatures.bsky.social · 6h
V is for the venereal diseaes you gave me...
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 6h
🎵L - is for the way you look at me O - is for the only one I see…🎶
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Linotype Pilgrim @symbo1ics.bsky.social · 17h
in a real country communists would be doing this to centrists
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 18h
Russians are breaking into Finnish politicians’ houses and taking a shit to intimidate them. This will be in the history books about the leadup to World War 3. These MFs are out of control.
The Celegrapb
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Q News Donald Trump
Israel Ukraine Royals
Putin's dirty tricks reach
Finnish lavatories
Russian spies accused of leaving faeces in homes of politicians to intimidate themPublished 05 October 2026 5:22pm BST
Russia has been accused of sending secret agents to defecate in the lavatories of Finnish MPs in a bizarre escalation of its hybrid warfare against the West.
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 19h
Not “the plans”
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spimsley pete @fattypinner.bsky.social · 19h
lot of people don’t know that
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 19h
Really sad
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 19h
Just learned that dumb has B on the end. I guess this old dog does have some new tricks in him after all 😏
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 22h
It’s like you can’t even be a guest on the Talkin’ Rape with Richard Hanania podcast anymore without being demonized by the woke mob
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 23h
Now we wait for the other shoe to drop as he figures out how he should spitefully punish the American People for making him endure this humiliating defeat
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Ed Markey @edmarkey.bsky.social · 23h
We cannot let Donald Trump steal our elections.
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Chakra Khan @thechakrakhan.bsky.social · 23h
Dennis Hastert rn:
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Shabana Mir @shabana.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I've seen their photos and it's likely they wished the same
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Ian Miles Schlong @tedcruznipples.com · 05/10/2026
The malignant narcissism is so strong it tears right through the dementia. It’s amazing he was able to remember this took place.
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Kevin M. Kruse @kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
This starts with her aggressively trying to link him to the Muslim Brotherhood. I'd like to see someone turn the tables on this. "You're Christian, right? Did you support Timothy McVeigh? Did you agree with Dylann Roof? Or Eric Rudolph? Robert Lewis Dear? No? Even though you share their religion?"
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Ross Howl-iday @rossholliday.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
youtu.be/jANuVKeYezs?...
youtu.be
Woody Guthrie -- I Ain't Got No Home/Old Man Trump by the Missin' Cousins
YouTube video by The Missin' Cousins
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