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Rebecca Orchant

@smcpickles.bsky.social
759 followers 563 following 602 posts

I write these: soupanddespair.beehiiv.com www.unboundedition.com/product/simm… Death is coming. Eat trash. Be free. Dumb voluptuary. HBIC @popanddutch.bsky.social & @ladyslipperptown.bsky.social

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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 19h
For example, I’m already graced by @vextape.bsky.social, @wondrashoots.bsky.social, @ellestanger.bsky.social, @camdamage.bsky.social. Okay, now you go.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 21h
😂 Men — for the purposes of this exercise, my DMs are open and I will not out what kind of pervert you are.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 22h
For the purposes of this exercise, men, you are also allowed to talk.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 22h
I need this app to be hornier and less doomful. Hit me with your favorite horny corners of this internet hole.
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Vex Ashley @vextape.bsky.social · 25/06/2025
ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to grow up to be a chaotic bisexual with great eyeliner
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
Mfer lives in my town, and almost always has some insanely racist bullshit to blather drunkenly at me. One of the last ones was that our Carnival theme should be “Germany 1942” next year. Such a fun guy.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
“Rebel Ridge” is an absolute masterpiece. No business being on that junk platform.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
If you give it half an hour, you won’t lose 15 dollars.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Oh, oh, @markharris.bsky.social — I needn’t have been nervous. I cannot imagine obtaining a degree in dramatic writing and not having fun watching that. Will be talking about it for at least the next 72 hours.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Mark, I’m going to see it in 43 minutes and I feel quite nervous!
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nat. @natclayton.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
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Tyler, from the Internet (Haunted) @tylerfromtheinternet.com · 21/11/2024
I don't want reconciliation I want revenge.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
I am, to be fair, on much cold medicine. But there are legitimately tears streaming down my face.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
I’m really sorry, but I don’t think those cookies belong to you anymore.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
The problem with living on the end of the world is that not enough of you are flirting with me.
A bright red building (Ladyslipper!) with a few bikes in front of it and The Duchess of Sandwich (my absurd burlesque persona) standing on the porch in a bright blue mesh and marabou robe, waiting for someone to come flirt with me.  (Gorgeous photo by Brittany Rolf’s)
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 29/04/2026
Hold all my calls.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
So fun getting ready to open @popanddutch.bsky.social in a few weeks.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
The best thing about being your own boss is that your boss usually likes your stupidest ideas.
A container labeled “Rampch Dip” on a stainless steel table.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
media.tenor.com
a close up of a man wearing glasses making a face
Alt: Dr. Steve Brule telling you to keep out of the Cool Guy Zone.
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Patrick 📉 @thebestpatrick.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
It really isn't fair to expose Alex Jones to Tim Heidecker like this, the media equivalent of giving a medieval peasant Doritos.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
Sure, Jan.
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Flynn @flynnwaslike.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
i cannot believe how much fucking money i pay in taxes to people who want me dead!
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
Everything I have learned about this person has been against my will. Bye!
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
Sometimes we have the life we deserve.
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Bradford Pearson @bradfordpearson.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
on the 50th anniversary of the release of The Boys Are Back in Town I'm morally obligated to share my favorite story of all time
vice.com
I Played 'The Boys Are Back in Town' on a Bar Jukebox Until I Got Kicked Out
The boys were back in town, but I was out of the bar, because they asked me to leave.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Told my partner this news, and we both, in unison said
media.tenor.com
a woman holding a cupcake with the words good for her above her
Alt: Lucille Bluth holding a cupcake saying, “good for her.”
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Puff the Magic Hater @mskellymhayes.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
You have more in common with the people of Iran than you do with anyone in this administration, any member of the technocracy, anyone who is profiting from this war, or any billionaire. When you see Iranians forming human chains outside key infrastructure sites, you should feel a sense of kinship.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Every Persian person I have ever met has more empathy and generosity in their pinkie nail than a single member of congress has expressed in their entire lives. Fix your hearts or die, man.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
If this is not your baseline philosophy, do not ever talk to me again.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
You said there were checks and balances, mother fucker.
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leon @leyawn.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
yeah man i'll circle back to you on that agenda item from yesterday's all hands in just a sec. our pedophile king just threatened to destroy a whole civilization
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
This is correct, your honor.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
Holy text. Happy Passover.
Chapter heading in my Grandma Glenda’s copy of “Yiddish Cooking:”
4

Soups
Zuppen

“Troubles with soup are easier to bear than troubles without soup.”

“Tsores mit zupp iz gringer tzu fartrogen vi tzores on zupp.”
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 02/04/2026
One of the most @jeffvandermeer.bsky.social coded things I’ve ever seen.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
I hate April Fool’s Day. That said, he does have the opportunity to do the funniest possible thing tomorrow.
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regular meghan 나영지 🇵🇸 @ruemcclammyhand.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
what people sound like when they say i asked claude
@Nemzsi

thank you black mold. thats a wonderful idea black mold
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Your friendly neighborhood jewel box.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Such a delight to see you!
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Return of the Cmonstermacques @cmonmaque.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross. It will immediately blow its own dick off” - Sinclair Lewis
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 28/03/2026
I cannot get over this “parking job” I saw this week.
A silver Prius has jammed itself by force between a truck and a Jeep, with nary an inch to spare on either side. Its bumper tells a tale.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
Wait — this seems… good? I’m confused. I’m not used to this.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 23/03/2026
Wayyyyyy up there.
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John Pfaff @johnpfaff.bsky.social · 23/03/2026
There was ONE ATC in the tower at LGA during last night's crash. ONE ATC, at LGA!, dealing w ALL air and ground traffic, including a plane filling w a strange smell and no gate to return to. The Pentagon wants $200B for a vanity war, but our ATC towers are empty. Budgets are moral documents.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 23/03/2026
If I were, say, a lobbyist for the airline industry I would be losing every molecule of my shit right now.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 22/03/2026
New Mexico? It’s giving me hometown feelings.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 15/03/2026
Just a perfect mural in a perfect restaurant on a beautiful day on the friendly island.
A large painting at Gutside restaurant in St. Martin. Blue sky, bluer ocean, and large ocean liner and a curvy babe in an orange bikini.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
None of my business.
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
media.tenor.com
a man wearing glasses and a leather jacket says yeah yeah but your scientists were so preoccupied
Alt: Dr. Ian Malcolm, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket says “Yeah, yeah but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Anyone else having, like, A LOT of trouble sleeping?
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Rebecca Orchant @smcpickles.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
Me, every time I read another article about AI.
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