mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 02/10/2026“You aren’t in traffic, you ARE the traffic.” Nuh-uh. Not me. I’m different. Better. Other drivers want me here 529832
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 24/09/2026[watching a show about a spy] oh this motherfucker’s got ulterior-ass motives 030
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 08/09/2026[to the tune of I love rock and roll] I hate all my clothes 27211
Reposted by mark magarkjosh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Dolly Parton taught me it was ok to be universally beloved 45269628
Reposted by mark magarkmindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/08/2026(Showing the barber a picture of me & him skipping hand-in-hand through a tulip field) Can I get something like this 0475110
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Do you ever hear a priest sing the Eucharistic prayer and be like “damn this mfer got pipes” 0102
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 13/08/2026I do not wish to think of Ed Sheeran as a sexual being 050
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 08/08/2026Oh sorry buddy I didn’t know this bathroom was occupied 0110
Reposted by mark magarkMichelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 02/08/2026If you're ever hiking in the woods and get lost, just look up and find the brightest star in the sky and you'll know which way space is. 2127838
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 25/07/2026What’s the name of the chemical they pump through the air at Home Depot to make you think you need 16 more items 160
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Damn, guitar is out of tune again. Can't believe how often you have to buy a new one of these 0306
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 18/07/2026Why didn’t the Trojan horse include a penis. Huge tactical oversight. Coulda fit way more dudes in that horse’s dick 821028
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 16/07/2026I am not boiling lettuce I'd rather explode with diarrhea 180
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 14/07/2026Always the ice tray refiller, never the ice cube enjoyer 😤 1100
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 12/07/2026From the platform, I catch the train conductor's eye. I smile and wink. He smiles. The train horn blows. It's obvious what's happening. He wants me to jump onto the track so he can smush me. 060
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 10/07/2026How can you ask me to set the printer up when you KNOW I'm having spaghetti time 1164
Reposted by mark magarkAudrey Farnsworth @audipenny.bsky.social · 03/07/2026America keeps trying to get me to go to her birthday party and I’m like no girl u need to go to the hospital 85204065085
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 23/06/2026Car Horn Honk Scale < 1 second =This saint deserves no inconvenience. Jail for their wrong-doer! 1-2 seconds = Purely human. We all struggle, baby. 3-5 seconds = God’s wrath is present. This driver is having a terrible day. > 5 seconds = The Antichrist. The architect of all evil is a-honkin’. 0103
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 21/06/2026Not to brag but I'm capable of looking at the extended weather forecast and holding the details in my head for up to 12 seconds 0133
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 12/06/2026Wife: It's too hot, I simply cannot wear a bra today Me (cis-male but an ally): [gritting teeth] Then I will 210324
Reposted by mark magarkYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 03/06/2026[handing my credit card to the kid behind the ice cream bar] keep it open 7890135
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 06/06/2026[Wild West] What'd you say to me, pardner? *spits on the ground* Why, you ain't nothing but a 0172
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 04/06/2026Love watching the game in New York. Strangers shouting “Oh no you don’t, big boy” every time Wemby shoots 061
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 29/05/2026Sheep Detectives? What's next, Ostrich Accountants? I hope not. I don't want to live in this world. 081
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 27/05/2026[clearly not wearing earbuds] sorry I can’t hear you I’m wearing earbuds 090
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 26/05/2026Once in a while, we should drink the blood of the ruling class. Not because we want to ingest the DNA that makes them successful, but because it’s important that they see us as bloodthirsty little freaks 184
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 22/05/2026Nothing says “don’t worry, this public bathroom is sanitary” like a dim red light 1413
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 21/05/2026If you see THIS post it means I have died because you did not bring me 12 ice cream cones in my time of need. For shame 1111
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 20/05/2026if you see this please bring me 12 ice cream cones immediately 1154
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 24/04/2026Got his ass apple.news/AT5bUkdWvTIu...apple.newsUS millionaire big-game hunter dies after being crushed by elephants — Guardian USErnie Dosio, a 75-year-old vineyard owner, was hunting an antelope species in Africa when the incident occured 1296
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 23/03/2026They named a moving company after what I shout at the height of ecstasy 0180
Reposted by mark magarkYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 12/03/2026(explaining war to a conservative in a way that they might understand) bombing a country is kind of like changing their cracker barrel logo 637880
Reposted by mark magarkYgrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 06/12/2024doctor: your blood glucose is over 800 cookie monster: is that bad doctor: sir it's deadly Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie 927753616
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 28/02/2026Tonight I am making space to be grateful for all the nights I DIDN’T find a centipede in my bed 0162
Reposted by mark magarkSweatpants Cher @housefeminist.bsky.social · 27/02/2026mom come get me the world is being callous toward my tender heart 217243
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 26/02/2026Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed. Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art. 202326373
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 20/02/2026[painstakingly transferring my bodily waste to the sink] 210517
mark magark @markedly.bsky.social · 20/02/2026If an evil mastermind asked me to do their bidding I’d probably do it, I just like being helpful 0122
