theonion.com
Obnoxious Toddler Really Rubbing His Childlike Sense Of Wonder In Everyone’s Faces
DEARBORN, MI—As patience wore thin with the little boy’s repeated expressions of amazement and delight, sources confirmed Monday that obnoxious toddler Liam Primack was really rubbing his sense of childlike wonder in everyone’s faces. “Look, we get it, everything around him is new and exciting as he sees the world with fresh eyes, but Jesus Christ, give it a fucking rest,” said the irritating boy’s mother, Lauren Primack, who was seen rolling her eyes as the 18-month-old’s face lit up during a game of peekaboo with a visiting neighbor. “Just because he has a wholesome curiosity and fascination with everything around him doesn’t mean he needs to gloat about it all the time. It would be nice if I could go to a park without this beaming, exuberant child clapping and giggling every time he sees a goddamn bird. It’s like, chill the fuck out, kid. As if you haven’t seen a bird before. Give me a break.” At press time, sources confirmed the annoyingly gleeful toddler had been given a dose of reality after he excitedly approached a dog that bit him.
