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glitter-demon666.bsky.social

@glitter-demon666.bsky.social
26 followers 17 following 63 posts
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 08/03/2026
Walgreens is the “husband I settled for because I wanted kids” of pharmacies
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Him: You survived one of the worst earthquakes in history. How do you feel? Me: shook
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Me: While I wanted to stand up on the desk and tell everyone to suck “deez nuts” I just wished them well and quietly departed Therapist: You are finally showing maturity. Me: I also threw a bunch of raw shrimp in the air ducts when nobody was looking. Therapist pours herself a drink
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Nicki💗 @awkwardandodd.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
My cat got a new box and he is very excited about it
A fluffy white cat sitting in a cardboard box with his head back, eyes closed and mouth wide open
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
Me in my 20’s: ha ha ha, I drank so much I should be dead a week ago! Me in my mid 30’s: these new hangers are opening up so much more space in my closet!
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Tin Foil Awards @tinfoilawards.bsky.social · 26/01/2026
I just got a notice at 4:15 that they're shutting off my water for 5 hours starting at 5pm and that if I have any questions I can call during normal office hours that ended at 3:30...
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
We like to think writing was invented for philosophy or sharing knowledge, but the earliest surviving text is a grievance about bad copper, carved into a clay tablet. Here we are in the modern day posting Yelp reviews on iPads. 4,000 years and humanity still uses tablets to complain
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Allison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 19/01/2026
Men who defend Jonathan Ross for murdering Renee Good are not safe to be around. End those relationships.
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 19/01/2026
Christian Dior
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 10/01/2026
I would be a perfect employee if I knew how to meet a single deadline
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 09/01/2026
Plot twist
Instead of the cat being booped on the snoot, I have been booped by the cat. The booper has become the boopee
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
I’m being mistaken for an adult again, due to my age
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 22/12/2025
At least I am respected at home
Reverse cowgirl sitting cat smooshes her butt into my face. My facial expression is one of general disapproval and wondering where my life went wrong
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Tin Foil Awards @tinfoilawards.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
If you gather the largest possible number of crows in one place, you have a murder most fowl
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 15/12/2025
Oh God I’m going to throw up. Better get to the carpet! - Cats
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 13/12/2025
Me: Did you get into the trash again? The cat with butter on his head: No
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
Cat: splayed across my face as I struggle to breathe through the belly fluff Also cat: Don’t violate my personal space!
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
Me opening BlueSky after a multi month mental health hiatus: back to the psychological woodchipper baby!
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
Scientists now believe that the human brain--a magic goo for worrying--can also be used to do other things
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
If I were a cat, I would tear down every Christmas tree
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
There are two kinds of “ants” people. Those who set the bait traps and walk away or those who cut off the water supply, set up barricades to redirect to the bait, destroy the trails, and engage in direct combat leaving the corpses out to inflict an atmosphere of pure terror.
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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 28/04/2025
the poor foster dog is terrified of the coffee grinder. i feel the need to explain. “these are the beans you have to drink when you are a person,” i say. “sometimes things are very very bad. but then the beans happen and it is good.” i can tell she understands
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 27/04/2025
Him: We need to talk. Promise me you won’t make a scene Me: I’d never. *winks at the blimp pilot who quickly finishes his coffee*
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John Green @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
Happy Easter to everyone but especially to the Delta flight attendant who said, "I've seen you five times this month; are you okay?"
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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
huge day for the wicker basket industry
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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
disciple 1: he’s alive! returned from the dead! disciple 2: did he roll away the stone? disciple 3: did he show you the holes in his hands? judas: did he uh. did he mention me
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
It’s extra funny you see, because cocaine is a tropane alkaloid with weak basic properties and coke cooked with baking soda releases hydrochloride making it into the “free-base” form. The origin of someone acting based comes fro-Hey! Wait no come back I’m not done explaining the joke!
A grocery outlet advertisement states “all the basics” under several food items. The bowl of flour has been re-labelled as coke by someone with a sharpie. 
Fun fact they used to use ether to free the base and make it smokable, but ether is highly flammable. This went exactly as well as you think it did.
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 21/04/2025
Cashier: scans a bottle of wine Me, trying to still seem young: I have big plans for tonight. Cashier raises an eyebrow as he then scans five Gatorades, heartburn tablets and a bottle of ibuprofen
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 20/04/2025
The "duvet cover" is a government program to test how docile the population is. They want to know how much Bullshit we'll put up with. They are laughing at us
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Kumail Nanjiani @kumail.bsky.social · 13/04/2025
I know times are bad because any date from the future (2034, 2078, 2026) sounds like it could be the title of a post-apocalyptic movie.
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 14/04/2025
Me trying to appear cultured on the first date: Shall we make our way to the Haus of Waffle?
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Eize Basa @eizebasa.baby · 11/04/2025
And so another bag of salad mix has come to my fridge to die in peace...
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
ADHD be like: I better clean this apartment *5 minutes later* The North Korean version of the Godzilla movie? HELL YEAH!
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Louise @louisejulie.bsky.social · 11/04/2025
I fed an Ostrich today and it felt so freeing
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 12/04/2025
Must. Touch. The squorb
A suspicious looking round squirrel sits on a valve cap. The facial expression is a mix of pondering the meaning of life and the fat heavy breathing cat meme
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 09/04/2025
It’s very rare to see these solitary creatures together
6 mail trucks at a park. Very suspicious.
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 07/04/2025
I'll never forgive them for making me care about the stock market or tariffs
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Miss Riss @missriss.bsky.social · 06/04/2025
I hope the biggest battle you fight today is getting one bite of every ingredient in your Greek salad onto the fork at the same time.
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 07/04/2025
Me, the idiot who can’t keep the same haircut for 6 months: let’s glop on this permanently staining henna and see what happens. Day 1: loving the color but nervous as it will continue to develop overnight.
Goopy looking henna applied to the fingernails of a left hand Henna removed to reveal a nice dark orange color. Background features a floor I’m too lazy to sweep and a pair of kicked off pink shoes
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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
i miss the early internet. people were like “you gotta see this dude. this cat sure is long.” and they were right. it was really long. it never shoulda gotten any more complicated than that.
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
Vampire spitting out then angrily throwing away a blood orange
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 03/04/2025
The US economy and a SpaceX rocket about to have more in common than ever before
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Memento (spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 04/04/2025
Reverse cowgirl so I can watch the stock market plunge
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 03/04/2025
I love my new job. I set my own hours. I have constant excitement and I just got the keys to a brand new Jaguar! Burglar really is the best fit for me
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glitter-demon666.bsky.social @glitter-demon666.bsky.social · 01/04/2025
Got to the gym and the protein shake I made the night before was lumpy and separated I prepared whey too far in advance
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