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Emcee Hammerpants

@emceehammerpants.bsky.social
491 followers 826 following 6.8K posts

I’m a very grumpy person and I’m not really that smart. If you’re thinking of following me you probably shouldn’t. I have no insights to give you.

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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
I feel like the only person that’s actually angry about how humiliating the end to the Iran was is shaping up to be. It’s not Trump’s humiliation because he is capable of deluding himself to an extent the rest of us cannot fathom. So the humiliation is just America’s. I hate his voters so much.
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Ectoplasma Ring @plasmaring.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
so like lemme weigh in on this as someone who is more financially comfortable than many in my generational cohort: everything I have gained seems precarious and temporary because I know the people with real money will take it all from me the second they get an opportunity and no one will protect me.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
This document becomes more enjoyable by the day
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 09/02/2026
I just don't think it's possible for me to hate the New York Times more than I do
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Keith @mosheroperandi.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
quant, please don't attribute that TikTok bastardization of a neologism to the good posters of BlueSky. If there's any BlueSky specific way to say kys, it involves the study of statistical mechanics.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
How is it that half the country can’t figure this shit out? The two chicks at the same time breast exam watch out for your cornhole guy isn’t struggling with it. What the hell, people? (I fuckin’ love this dude)
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
I’m glad I’m not the only one noticing. Swear to God schools used to be consistent and open and available all the time. I feel like I’m going crazy these days.
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Saint Riot @saintriot.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
Shout out to elevator shenanigans. Gotta be one of my all time favorite shenanigans.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
The East Wing should never be rebuilt. A small plaque should be left in the middle of a barren field that’s allowed to grow only weeds. It should be a permanent monument to the stupidest decision the people of this country have ever made.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
This is my entire internet experience. Started working on this shit in ‘96. I was here for everything but apparently saw nothing. I guess I just walked right by the brain poison factory as they were building it and thought nothing of it.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
Man, I, for one, am utterly shocked that an alcoholic would want to plow ahead in a desperate attempt to stay one step in front of yesterday’s consequences. Totally unheard of for the archetype.
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Branden @brandenp.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
One can only be a true gourmand if you pick up & eat dog shit off the ground. You just can’t experience the full spectrum that taste has to offer, without a mouthful of turd
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T. Greg Doucette @gregdoucette.bsky.social · 27/01/2026
"Unitary Executive for everything except responsibilities"
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Aaron Reichlin-Melnick @reichlinmelnick.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
You have to read this. Firsthand affidavit from one of the women who was there and recording the video. She talks about how Alex Pretti was directing traffic when she arrived. She watched him be killed in front of her. She's afraid to go home, worried she'll be arrested.
1. I am a resident of the Whittier neighborhood of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I am over 18 years of age. I am a children's entertainer who specializes in face painting.
2. On Saturday, January 24, 2026, at about 8:50 am, I was getting ready to go to work when I heard whistles outside. I knew the whistles meant that ICE agents were in the area, so I decided to check it out on my way to work. I've been involved in observing in my community because it is so important to document what ICE is doing to my neighbors. Connecting to your local community and knowing who your neighbors are is something I profoundly value.
3. I drove to Nicollet Ave. and 26th where I could hear the whistles coming from. I turned south onto Nicollet. There were already several ICE agents there and they'd set up a sort of vehicle convoy on Nicollet and 28th. There were also about 15 observers there, recording and observing ICE.
4. I saw ICE agents surrounding cars and punching car windows. I also saw them stopping vehicles further down Nicollet, so I backed up because I didn't feel safe continuing on.
5. I noticed a man sort of acting to help traffic move more smoothly. He helped me find a place to park. I got out with my whistle and my camera. I went over to him and said something like, "I'm going to film and use my whistle."
6. It seemed like most ICE activity was happening a little farther down the street from us, near 27th. Someone was being thrown to the ground.7. I started recording. There was an agent by a car across the street. Two observers were a few feet away from the agent, blowing their whistles. One was wearing a backpack.
8. I and the man who was observing and helping direct traffic were standing in the street. There was a phone in the man's hand recording a video.
9. An agent approached and asked us to back up, so I moved slowly back onto the sidewalk.
10. The man stayed in the street, filming as the other observers I mentioned earlier were being forced backward by another ICE agent threatening them with pepper spray. The man went closer to support them as they got threatened, just with his camera out. I didn't see him reach for or hold a gun.
11. Then the ICE agent shoved one of the other observers to the ground. Then he started pepper spraying all three of them directly in the face and all over. The man with the phone put his hands above his head and the agent sprayed him again and pushed him.
12. Then the man tried to help up the woman the ICE agent had shoved to the ground. The ICE agents just kept spraying. More agents came over and grabbed the man who was still trying to help the woman get up. All three of the observers looked to have been badly affected by the pepper spray. I could feel the pepper spray in my eyes.13. The agents pulled the man on the ground. I didn't see him touch any of them-he wasn't even turned toward them. It didn't look like he was trying to resist, just trying to help the woman up. I didn't see him with a gun. They threw him to the ground. Four or five agents had him on the ground and they just started shooting him. They shot him so many times.
14.1 don't know why they shot him. He was only helping. I was five feet from him and they just shot him.
15. The video I recorded of what happened accurately depicts the events leading up to the agents shooting him and several minutes afterwards. The video is attached as Exhibit 1.
16. I have read the statement from DHS about what happened and it is wrong. The man did not approach the agents with a gun. He approached them with a camera. He was just trying to help a woman get up and they took him to the ground.
17. I feel afraid. Only hours have passed since they shot a man right in front me and I don't feel like I can go home because I heard agents were looking for me. I don't know what the agents will do when they find me. I do know that they're not telling the truth about what happened. I've heard that other witnesses might have been arrested and taken to the Whipple Building.
18. I am disgusted and gutted at how they are treating my neighbors and my state. I keep alternating between crying and feeling determined it is important to remember the value of documenting injustice. We show up for the people who need us to bearwitness, because it can't just be one group of people bearing the brunt of their tyranny. This is a struggle to protect our freedom and democracy, those things are on the line. He lost his life for those values.
I declare under penalty of perjury that everything I have stated in this document is true and correct.

Dated and signed on Jan 24, 2026 in Hennepin County, State of Minnesota.
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SpryOldLorax @spryoldlorax.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Anyone trying to push the absolute lie that Democrats are in any way the problem right now gets blocked. I'm so fucking done with you collaborating assholes.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
media.tenor.com
a woman in a pink robe sits next to a man with his mouth open .
ALT: a woman in a pink robe sits next to a man with his mouth open .
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
Is there a good alternative to Ring? I gots to replace mine for reasons
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Texas Observer @texasobserver.org · 20/01/2026
Featured story, from @josephinelee.bsky.social: 92% of private schools already enrolled in the state's voucher programs serving kids beyond kindergarten are religious. An investigation by the Texas Observer found many of these exclude non-Christian and LGBTQ+ kids.
texasobserver.org
Texas Taxpayers Will Fund Dozens of Private Schools that Openly Discriminate
The state has signed off on voucher funds for schools that exclude non-Christian and LGBTQ+ kids.
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William B. Fuckley @opinionhaver.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
I’m becoming socially conservative in that I’m becoming a real tightass about civic virtue & honor. Fuck your boyfriend & his husband wearing dogsuits in private if you want, I don’t care at all, but I’m becoming pretty humorless about people feeling they have no obligation to any civic project
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
no greenlander ever called me a libtard
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
I just read the story about the kidnapped duck. This place definitely has the juice.
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Musicology Duck @musicologyduck.bsky.social · 20/01/2026
I just woke up from a nap and somehow while I was asleep, everyone on the bus has figured out we are not going to the right place
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Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
Bro is about to become the first GoFundMe billionaire.
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Lavinia[soft butch extraordinaire] @effeneffervescent.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
People forget Jim Davis was an assassin for the mob before Garfield took off. He learned how to draw in prison by forcefully tattooing his characters onto rival gang members.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Homeboy is gonna come out of the Trump era missing some teeth (hopefully not) but with a HUGE Honda sponsorship (definitely).
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Dead Carl @deadcarl.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
The three big problems from woke 1.0 I see are: 1. the emphasis on language 2. the aversion to power 3. hyper-certitude
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Musicology Duck @musicologyduck.bsky.social · 11/01/2026
Crowd standing in front of ICE building chanting “abolish ice”
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ghost malone ergo propter bones @proptermalone.bsky.social · 09/01/2026
mainline clergy acquitting themselves very well lately
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Popehat @kenwhite.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
The Republican Party is no longer American in any meaningful sense of the term, to borrow the language of the Claremont Institute.
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Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
DEMS: "Affordable child care" GOP: "Murder people" IDIOTS: "Both parties are the same."
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Bunny Shelton @bunnyshelton.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
To the people on this platform who use every illegal, immoral and unpatriotic action by this administration to rail at Dems can I just say how tiresome you are? If you haven't noticed the GOP holds every lever of power at the federal level. They've even usurped law enforcement. There's not a
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Will Stancil @whstancil.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
ICE OUT NOW
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Kat Tenbarge @kattenbarge.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
Renee Nicole Good was 37. She was murdered by an ICE agent in the street in broad daylight. What really happened to her will not be forgotten, minimized, or ignored.
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Seva @seva.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
abolish ice is the moderate position to be honest. whichever candidate promises to nuremberg the ice agents has my vote at this point
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April Glick Pulito @aprilglick.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
I WANT LEADERS AS ANGRY AS WE ARE
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The ɅɅeech @diedfrombeing.labeledrude.online · 07/01/2026
get a therapist that isn't someone else's comments
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
Does anybody know her name?
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
They piss down my back and tell me it’s raining. It’s warm and that’s nice.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
I love, love love love, love love LOVE that in a time where the race is for who can build out the most renewable capacity and the best batteries, we’re starting a war over shitty oil. Love love love.
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Innocent🕷Abroad @jjgass.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
The lesson of the Orange Bowl: If you hate trans people, you don’t get to score.
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
what the fuck
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 29/12/2025
Swear to God the next tech dipshit that appropriates Tolkien inappropriately should get the rope and I am not even CLOSE to kidding. Y’all can put me on a watchlist I don’t give a FUCK.
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snow-kiss @snow-kiss.bsky.social · 28/12/2025
I’ve built a Pacman variant on one line, that feels surprisingly deep. Share suggestions or feedback—I’m all ears. Drop your thoughts or high score below! 🕹️ beep8.org #IndieLove #GameDev #PixelArt #IndieDev #SoloDev
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 27/12/2025
The one and only thing Trump is right about is his contempt for the media. He’s right for the wrong reasons, but he’s still right. I’d feel nothing if many “journalists” were lined up and shot other than a vague sense they had it coming.
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Davis X. Machina @ogdavisxmachina.bsky.social · 26/12/2025
Guns, germs, and Thiel.
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Jeremy Diamond ☕️ @dmnd.me · 26/12/2025
It would unironically be a good idea to rebrand “The Humanities” as “Metacognition Studies” or something similar
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Emcee Hammerpants @emceehammerpants.bsky.social · 26/12/2025
80 degrees the day after Christmas. Y’all, shit’s a little fucked up.
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The PS1 startup sound as a lesbian @janus.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
for your holiday reading pleasure: i wrote about why i’m getting back into tapes, and what we’ve lost by letting ourselves get addicted to platforms built around surveillance and instant gratification. 🎶 @404media.co
404media.co
Why I Quit Streaming And Got Back Into Cassettes
In the age of Spotify and AI slop, tapes remind us what we’re missing when we stop taking risks.
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