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Ted Litchfield

@dilfpatrol.bsky.social
620 followers 651 following 659 posts

On my court eunuch grind but I got a grand vizier mindset. Associate editor at PC Gamer. He/him. www.pcgamer.com/author/glen-litchfi…

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Reposted by Ted Litchfield
lincoln carpenter, skeleton @lincolnhello.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
"Given current circumstances, you might think I'm just primed to notice nightmarish aristocrats bleeding us alive to sustain themselves. But after too many hours of spreadsheet data entry, I'm convinced devs really have been dabbling more heavily in Draculas as the economy feels increasingly dire."
pcgamer.com
Vampire games on Steam are a recession indicator and I have the charts to prove it
Nothing is scarier during Halloween season than amateur statistics.
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deus_ex.txt @deus-ex-txt.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Stop that.
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“Bongo” Ballpoint pen, pencil, watercolor, acrylic paint, and a little colored pencil.

Our man is in trouble this time, reader. Art supplies are scattered around a painting of an abstract cityscape. On the canvas we see a man in a telephone booth making a frantic call to his cat, Bongo. In the foreground, an answering machine is taking his voicemail, [Leave a message at the beep] --- “Bongo, Daddy got stuck in the painting. Go get help, Bongo.” Bongo stands at the base of the easel looking at the phone. Her tail in the air and ears perked up. Whether she’ll be able to help is open to interpretation.

Artist’s note: One of my favorites from the Spooky Pants book. I was playing around with the idea of a painting coming to life (like that guy in Ghostbusters 2) and kind of fumbled my way into this version. I really draw a lot of corded phones. I won’t stop.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Cornered in the kitchen by the weirdest guy at the party and he talks at you for 12 unbroken minutes
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Morgan Park @morganpark.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Don't mind me, just Valve patch notes-posting. www.pcgamer.com/gaming-indus...
pcgamer.com
Valve's patch note supremacy
The king of patch notes reclaims its throne.
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Wes Fenlon @wes.readonlymemo.com · 04/10/2026
Far from the last word on this subject, of course, but I had a bit to say about the impressive speed of progress on PS5 emulation and What It All Means if it's being driven to a large extent by AI.
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Demon's Souls Dialog Bot @soulsdialogbot.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Well! You are a sane one, aren't you?
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SEISHI | Schrödinger's Call @seishi714.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
🥹 @pcgamer.com featured Schrödinger's Call on their underappreciated list. I'm so grateful! Check out the article!🙏 The other games listed all look incredibly charming, even though I hadn't heard of them before. I'm definitely buying and playing them during the sale.😉 Thank you @majora.bsky.social
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
PC Gamer does not know ball. www.pcgamer.com/games/grand-...
pcgamer.com
GTA 6 marketing stunt reveals none of our UK editors have heard of the Miami Heat
I don't even know ball but I feel like I'm losing my mind.
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lincoln carpenter, skeleton @lincolnhello.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
never forget
"It was the Zune's time."
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UncleofJamiroquai @jessefarrar.com · 01/10/2026
It seems quaint now that we do all our banking and race science there, but, nevertheless, it's true: at one time, people mostly wrote jokes on Twitter. 10 years ago, I wrote one about an old asshole and it kinda changed my life. Not his, though. www.cnn.com/2026/10/01/u...
cnn.com
The tweet that defined a decade of Trump | CNN
It’s been 10 years since Jesse Farrar accidentally defined a political era with one pithy, prescient tweet. He wishes it never happened.
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𝕯𝖚𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖔𝖓𝖑𝖚𝖘𝖙🌙🦇 @dungeonlust.com · 14/12/2023
Art by • Doug Beekman
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lincoln carpenter, skeleton @lincolnhello.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I've undertaken a momentous task today at PC Gamer, where I'm chronicling my search for the Least Probable Goku on Nexus Mods using a patented Saiyan Singularity Judgment (SSJ) scoring system. I do this not for me, but for all of us. www.pcgamer.com/games/live/n...
pcgamer.com
LIVE: I'm hunting for the least probable Goku on Nexus Mods and no god or government can stop me
My bosses might! But they haven't yet.
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Queen's Domain⚔️ - DEMO OUT NOW @queensdomain.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Queen’s Domain is launching OCT 30TH!! ⚔️ Excited to announce our retro-fantasy action RPG with brutal combat and traversal-focused exploration will be available soon for PC and Consoles. Coming to Steam, Switch 2, Xbox Series and PS5!
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🔥Christopher Livingston🔥 @chrislivingston.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
BREAKING
pcgamer.com
Necks added to videogame
"...the feedback [on neckless characters] we've consistently got is that people hate them. They hate everything about them."
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Supper Mario Broth @mariobrothblog.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door inadvertently depicts Peach as the quickest typist in the world. She is able to type up a 126-word email in exactly 3 seconds, making her 8 times faster than the current typing speed world record.
In Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, Peach sends multiple emails to Mario during the plot. Almost all of them take her exactly 3 seconds to type.
The length of the emails she types in 3 seconds varies from 54 words to the longest one seen below, at 126 words.
Peach: I'm OK
My Dearest Mario, I send this letter in the hope that it reaches you safely. I am being held against my will in some strange place. Though I do not know where I am, I remain unharmed and in relative comfort.
Those who have captured me seem to be after the map I sent to you earlier. They may be hoping to use it to find objects they call the "Crystal Stars." I do not know what they are planning, but I have a feeling it is not anything positive.
Mario, please collect these Crystal Stars before they do. You must! They are already aware that you have the map, so please be very careful.
And please... Don't worry about me.
-Princess Peach-
At the current world record typing speed of 319 words per minute, Peach should have been able to get about this far into the email.
In order to finish the email in three seconds, she needed to type with an a speed of 2520 words per minute, 7.9 times the world record.
While the quick typing is clearly merely a way to make the scene move along more quickly and should not be taken as accurate depiction of Peach's typing skills, it is still humorous to imagine the implications arising from it if taken at face value.
Source: analysis inspired by @nintendostuff.bsky.social
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Shout out to Loophole Lenny's Antique Firearms
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Demon's Souls Dialog Bot @soulsdialogbot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The Sixth Saint Astraea and her knight Garl Vinland
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Rick Lane @ricklane.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
This week's Disk Cleanup is a riotous chat with @honestwilliam.bsky.social, in which he got so worked up talking about Dota 2 that he had to turn on his fan. www.pcgamer.com/gaming-indus...
pcgamer.com
William Pugh, co-designer of The Stanley Parable, has over 1,600 hours in Dota 2: 'It's not a game made of love. It's a game fuelled by hate and a desire to conquer'
The founder of Crows Crows Crows guides us through the games on his PC.
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Riley MacLeod @rcmacleod.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Also, I refuse to be convinced this is a better bathtub Geralt than the original, no thank you www.pcgamer.com/games/the-wi...
pcgamer.com
Here is your world-first comparison between original and remastered Tub Geralt in The Witcher 3
Geralt now 600% more damp.
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Jaws Slayer 🎃 @jesawyer.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Pillars of Eternity (2015)
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Christoffer Bodegård @chrisbodegard.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I was on a panel at the Göteborg Bokmässa with my phone on airplane mode, when this dropped afterwards someone told me 'congrats on the nomination!' and I replied with the most nonchalant, '...What nomination?' Absolutely CRAZY to see! If you like Ebb, GO VOTE!
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Chicago's favorite son
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Demon's Souls Dialog Bot @soulsdialogbot.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
There's a rumour that the silent chief Yurt has infiltrated Boletaria.
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videogame history @vghistory.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
xbox 360, proposed designs (2005) archive.org/details/xbox...
there are eight draft designs here ranging from a flat square, a design that looks like an old stereo system, a flat curved edge design with a large circle on top, a "pod" design, an open carry case and a design that looks like a towering futuristic building (among others).
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David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
It's too depressing and obnoxious to write about, but virtually all of the doomy/horny AI hyperventilating is transparently displaced anxiety about our fucked climate and political situation. Even rich idiots know it's bad and being permitted to get worse. They're trying to write their own ending.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Lower Loran Chalice Dungeon Layer 2 you are officially my Donkey of the Week - "This place stinks!"
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
yeah and baby gronk and libby have been together for years
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dr. rich traditions, JD @helldude.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
we have control mechanisms for this. it's called The Law. these guys should be held personally liable for these harms. the suicides, the thefts, the intrusions into computer systems. they should be sued and prosecuted as appropriate. problem immediately solved
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Such a good game with way too many barriers to get running on actually good hardware. www.pcgamer.com/games/after-...
pcgamer.com
After mainlining 30 hours of 1440p Bloodborne, I know in my heart it belongs on PC
You can force it, but it shouldn't be so unapproachable.
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Samuel Roberts @samuelwroberts.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
*coughs* Well anyway I'm writing stuff for PC Gamer for three weeks. Here's something I wrote: www.pcgamer.com/games/horror...
pcgamer.com
The scariest part of Silent Hill: Townfall? It's not the monsters—it's British interior design
The latest Silent Hill game goes overboard with tiny details of Scottish coastal life.
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dr. rich traditions, JD @helldude.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
there was a vibe shift and it still pertains: Everything Fucking Sucks and Is Too Fucking Expensive and Violent and I'm Fucking Terrified of the Future and the Assholes in Charge Do Not Give a Single Shit So Fuck Them
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oblivion.txt @oblivion-txt.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Here's a Weak Elixir of Exploration. Not bad, eh? If you want more, you can buy them from me. I've discounted them for you, of course.
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Wabbaboy @wabbaboy.dev · 22/09/2026
FlyKnight Enhanced Edition · Hard Mode, with redesigned levels and bosses · Proper Poison Swamp · Item and Enemy Randomizer · New Weapons · New Enemies · NG+ · A bunch of bug fixes and performance enhancements Free Update, no price increase, this Friday store.steampowered.com/app/3108510/...
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PC Gamer @pcgamer.com · 22/09/2026
Xbox executive vice president and chief content officer Matt Booty has announced another round of layoffs and studio reorganizations as part of the continuing "reset" of Microsoft's gaming division.
pcgamer.com
Xbox lays off 268 more employees, merges Obsidian into Bethesda, and puts Activision in charge of Halo
Xbox says it's now "roughly three-quarters of the way" to completing its planned 3,200 job cuts.
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Quake Map of the Day @motd.cataclysmal.org · 21/09/2026
Title: Ter Shibboleth Part 2 Author(s): KenChennar alias Orl Date: 2020-01-15 The sequel to Ter Shibboleth , follwing the same boundary-pushing vei... www.quaddicted.com/db/v2/maps/dd6e0… #city #village #winter #episode #mod #quake
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Patrick Cosmos @veryimportant.lawyer · 21/09/2026
sports fans are categorically stupid, football fans are even more categorically stupid and the people who castigate pro athletes for being "soft" would die if netflix went down for a day
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Rick Lane @ricklane.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Disk Cleanup time! This week, Dragon Age co-director and BioWare veteran Mark Darrah told me all about playing Factorio with his son, why he increasingly prefers short games, and why he'll never be a pro streamer. Read on! www.pcgamer.com/gaming-indus...
pcgamer.com
Mark Darrah, co-director of Dragon Age: Origins, has played Riven for 3 minutes and Factorio for 832 hours: 'If you want to know what kind of programmer someone would be, have them play Factorio'
The BioWare veteran guides us through the games on his PC.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Meme of guy saluting then yelling while playing MGS3
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Sinnoware 🔶 Immersive Sim @sinnoware.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Saw some “Focus, G” comments about the *new* Garrett voice lines. “I can pick that guy off with an arrow, but if I miss, I’ll give myself away” is an unused line for the original game’s tutorial. Nightdive most definitely used it for trailer purposes.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Bloody Crow of Cainhurst is so sick. Just taking your two coolest character designs and kitbashing them together like a player would. Not ashamed to say I jack his swag on about half the characters I make.
Bloodborne player character wearing Crowfeather armor with Cainhurst gloves, boots, and helmet. A figure wearing a 19th century coat with tattered cloak overtop, with silvery armored helmet. Wielding a katana-patterned saber and flintlock pistol.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
One of the great privileges of my life is that I'm paid a modest yet comfortable income to invent such phrases
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Taffer King @tafferking451.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
The bank director's room has been converted into a court room - the Chief's Court. Every action and crime that led to the city to chaos is accounted for, with Harland as its judge, jury and executioner. He's on his way to put the court in session. #gloomwood
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
In emulation you can brute force part of the experience by just manually adding dungeons to your file. On the one hand, I think they mess up this perfectly paced progression of leveling and upgrades in the main story. On the other: More Bloodborne. Also number go up on my sword.
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Very mixed feelings about Chalice dungeons. Never interacted with them before because I've never shelled out for PSN when I only used the console to play Bloodborne and watch Gilmore Girls. More obtuse even than anything in Demon's Souls imo, but similarly this ephemeral bit of one of a kind design
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
James Franco about to be hanged in the film The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
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Jake Tucker @jaketucker.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
PC Gaming Show Tokyo Direct is live in 3 minutes. Come watch: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjrx...
youtube.com
PC Gaming Show Tokyo Direct 2026
YouTube video by PC Gamer
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Ted Litchfield @dilfpatrol.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Sorry for the plug but I corresponded Eric Fenstermaker, who wrote Zahua, about this last year: www.pcgamer.com/games/rpg/iv...
pcgamer.com
I've been obsessed with a single dialogue choice in an underappreciated Obsidian game for 10 years, so I tracked down the guy who wrote it to learn everything about my favorite joke in RPG history
Are you real?
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KOTH Screens @kothscreens.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Screenshot from King of the Hill Season 11, Episode 11
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