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The Real Beardium

@beardium.bsky.social

991 followers 592 following 10K posts

Fuck ICE Fuck MAGA Fuck Pedolph Shitler He/him My YouTubes youtube.com/@josephlongwellbeardedt… youtube.com/@longwellcraftworks?si=… My online store: www.longwellcraftworks.com

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The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 5h

He died from a penile infarction

000

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

No one ever tells you that you'll be 46 one day. It's always, "Wait until you turn 30." Or "Wait till you turn 40." Or, "Wait till you turn 50." But no one says, "Wait until you turn 46 and then you'll be 46. No one cares if you get older after you're 46. You're 46."

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

Reduced to my constituent molecules for being cringe online

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Devi 🦇 @deviwestside.bsky.social · 9h

Bounce on it in the name of Jesus

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

I honestly don't think that you can grow up to be a fully realized person if you are growing up in the United States rn

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

I think I saw a movie that started like this once. Fr, though, good luck with the tests

000

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

than Picard in season 7 of Star Trek The Next Generation, put me out of my misery.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

Ok. I was gonna go with i must be completely bald. Because I thought that maybe I would still have hope of getting my hair back if there was still some hair. But then I thought, "Do I really want to Homer Simpson it through my last years?" No. I don't. So, the criteria is that if I have less hair

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

Well, I didn't think there was. But now that you ask🤔

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

I seem to get them for no reason. I think my body just gets bored

000

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

If I ever go bald, you have authorization to put me down by any mean necessary.

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Rachel @slightlycaustic.bsky.social · 6h

Canada and its secret tariffs is certainly a take. The most annoying timeline.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

Damn. That sucks! I'm glad they're over. I had them for an extended period of time a few months ago. They're so fucking annoying.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

It's ok. I don't understand my posts either

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 6h

Gabby Johnson voice: "The president is a pedo!"

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Tammy Golden @tammygolden.bsky.social · 6h

New #AccidentalPicard with Lady Miss Kier -- Groove is in the Archons edition.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 8h

Expect the unexpected. Pooooo!

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 8h

Pizza is also a verb

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 8h

Boo-poo!

Reposted by The Real Beardium

TwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 8h

fartled (when a fart scares you)

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 9h

Mozzarella > Cinderella

Reposted by The Real Beardium

ficklenuts is tired of this shit @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 9h

More people should be named after cheeses

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 9h

Steal your heart? Nah, I ain't trying to go to jail.

000

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 10h

😂I've had those days, too

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Emma™ @cockremover.bsky.social · 13h

i would never let my kids near a bluesky user

Reposted by The Real Beardium

slice @noahgrim.bsky.social · 11h

I dress like a Frankenstein all year round so Halloween doesn’t mean shit to me

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 11h

Tell me a story

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 10/09/2025

I only cry at funerals in case the deceased's ghost is watching me so that they'll think I liked them and they won't haunt me.

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

Would Tony Soprano's ghost be called a gabaghoul?

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 07/07/2025

The hot ghost stopped haunting me after I said she was bootiful.

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 15/02/2026

Making a movie about a ghost chicken called Poultrygeist

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 11h

Wine me. Dine me. Unalive me.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 12h

I used a Dr. Strange gif because of your user name🤷 I know you, dude. I know everyone

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 13h

What do teenage ghosts ride? A Weeee-gee board.

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 13h

static.klipy.com

Doctor Strange: Do I Know You?

ALT: Doctor Strange: Do I Know You?

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 13h

Yep. We talk every day. You know I keep that thang* on me *Ouija board

000

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 13h

static.klipy.com

ALT: Amen Finally

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 14h

Why two balls but not two penises

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 14h

You'll feel differently once you've been converted

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 14h

C'mon. Everybody knows this guy

static.klipy.com

Daffy Duck's Stage Dance Performance

ALT: Daffy Duck's Stage Dance Performance

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 16h

His lesser known album, "Frampton Cums In Your Eye"

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 16h

I'm someone you don't know

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 22h

Open your DMs. I have new Shrekrotica to send you

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 05/08/2025

If you want to slide into my DMs, you must first answer the Riddle of The Sphinx

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 29/03/2026

I have tried counting sheep to go to sleep. But I can only fit about 10 of them in my bedroom.

Reposted by The Real Beardium

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 10/03/2025

Might fuck around and sleep loose instead of tight tonight

The Real Beardium @beardium.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Fucking same

Reposted by The Real Beardium

æmə's ghost @amazingama.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I can't wait to wake up so I can drink coffee

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Ziraelle @itsziri.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

napping in sunbeams, like a cat

Reposted by The Real Beardium

Ziraelle @itsziri.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

"a label has been applied to this post" shut up bluesky moderation, you're not my real dad