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amiigat.bsky.social

@amiigat.bsky.social
136 followers 65 following 815 posts

The Flounder Pounder

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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 23h
A haunted house, but it’s a line of unexpected visitors down your driveway wanting to come inside
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 9h
This day in history. 1904. Canadian prime-minister Sir Wilfrid Laurier declared that the twentieth century shall be the century of Canada. That's almost correct if you replace the word Canada with the word alienation.
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Sassy McMelons @sassymcmelons.bsky.social · 8h
“Bored now!” ~ Me, at any work meeting.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 7h
If, by finding my calling, you mean early retirement then, yes, I’ve found my calling.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
When the dog hides from the vacuum cleaner you may think it’s from fear but actually it’s in shame.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 14/10/2026
My side hustle has an even sidier hustle
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
i'd be too worried about accidentally butt dialing my grandma
an open-back blouse reveals a seemingly full-size tattoo of a ouija board on their lower back and disappearing below into their pants or skirt
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
My credit card bill stood in the corner watching me as I pretended to sleep.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
I carved my pin on the tree near the cash machine. Not going through that hassle again.
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
This day in history. 409. Barbarian Alans crossed the Pyrenees and raided Iberia with their ferocious allies the Simons, the Nigels, and the Mileses.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
"My politics are not important, I like to keep politics out of my work" is celebspeak for "I'm secretly MAGA and am not yet ready to lose half my fanbase."
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
An investigative unit, led by officer Arthur “Bugs” Bunnington, has arrested three members of the notorious “Garden Gnomes,” who’ve been terrorizing the neighborhood for weeks. Multiple items, including this 14ct necklace, have been recovered.
A rabbit wears a black harness with a "POLICE" patch. Inset in the upper right hand corner is a photo of a necklace adorned with small carrots.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Dance like someone’s lurking outside the window of your cabin at Camp Chrystal Lake
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
Microdosing embalming fluid through botox injections
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
I talk to myself but draw the line at listening
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Marvin stared at the painting of his great grandfather, who had survived two wars, worked three jobs to support his fourteen children, and eventually died saving a box full of kittens from a fire, and thought to himself, "You know, if I knocked that over, I could sleep on it."
A cat stares at a large framed oval painting of a similar-looking cat in military dress.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
286 days at sea and Pete Hegseth waiting at the pier is the new Scylla and Charybdis
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Someone in the group ordered a "salad pizza" last night. Did you read that??? A "salad pizza." We deserve every terrible thing happening.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Sometimes I forget that people can see me walk away mid-conversation.
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amiigat.bsky.social @amiigat.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
Lessons were meant to be learned and applied, not ignored or dismissed.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
[furniture store] wife: we're putting in a bar salesman: okay me: *giggles* wife: and… salesman: yes? me: *giggles* wife: go ahead, just say it me: WE NEED A STOOL SAMPLE
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
This day in history. 2000. On the 60th anniversary of his birth the John Lennon Museum opened in Japan. It closed 10 years later because Yoko Ono felt that Lennon's spirit should stay in motion. "Look there it is now she said," pointing at a Mister Softee ice cream truck.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Fondly remembers my childhood… *the incessant blinking of the VCR clock*
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
“Christopher! What’s the rule?” “Don’t eat the Amazon guy?” “The other rule.” “Don’t eat the UPS guy?” “The OTHER rule.” “Stay off the furniture?” “That’s right.”
A man points and seemingly scolds a bear standing on a couch by a window.
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amiigat.bsky.social @amiigat.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
CFO: Not, you cannot build an alligator pit. We've talked about this. Me: What about a steel cage? We can have a steel cage match every week. CFO: WE DON'T HAVE MONEY IN THE BUDGET! Me: And you wonder why I mock our CPAs.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Stick with what you know, such as relentlessly repeating the same mistakes.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
CO-WORKERS: Got a minute? I just need to ask you a thousand questions so that you're effectively doing my job for me.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Who were the idiots in Metropolis who thought Superman was a bird or a plane?
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
WIFE: We want to renew our vows. ME: *hands priest paper* WIFE: We wrote them ourselves. PRIEST: *pointing* What’s this word? WIFE: “Combatant.”
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I’m a tall drink of water and 3 ibuprofen
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Social anxiety is a turn-on. Like yeah babe let’s leave
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
This day in history. 1916. Canadian Pte. James Richardson earned a Victoria Cross for parading in front of the enemy playing the bagpipes inspiring his comrades to capture a German entrenchment. He was shot dead of course, you can't expect men raised on Brahms to tolerate the old dudelsack for long.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
ME: I’m a little drunk. HER: I know. ME: You’re very beautiful. HER: Thank you. ME: Do I look okay naked? HER: You do. ME: Do you like my penis? HER: It’s very nice. ME: Big, too. HER: Yes it is. ME: What now? HER: I have to call the police. ME: Why? HER: Starbucks policy, sir.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Maybe I don't want to lock in and focus until the end of the year.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
i've seen some terrible puns but this is really the last straw
Sign on a truck reads"Fifty Shades of Hay."
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Face down ass up.. me putting on socks
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Killer geese flying in a V for vendetta
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
This day in history. 2019. Comedian Rip Taylor threw one last handful of confetti into the air, uttered a final "I don't need you people I've got two chinchillas in heat!", and died.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?”
A squirrel stands next to a partially-chewed pumpkin on a stoop.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
"I wouldn't have talked to you anyway." - my out of office message
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
My loan for filling my gas tank completely was just approved.
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Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Just finished principal photography on my next selfie.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
If you can’t handle the heat get out of my dumpster
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
There are two wolves inside me. One has irritable bowel syndrome and the other is just cranky.
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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
[lips on mic] “How do I gently unblock myself?”
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amiigat.bsky.social @amiigat.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
CFO: DID YOU CALL FRANK. OUR CPA, GLORIFIED CALCULATOR??? Me: No. I said he's a glorified calculator with a bad toupee. He's not fooling anyone, really. CFO: ...
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
quite often a suspect can be spotted loitering around the crime scene
A pair of damaged high heels in the foreground with a guilty-looking dog appearing in the background.
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Kellalena @kellalena.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
For personal pan pizza reasons..
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
“So my wife walks in out of the rain, soaked from head to toe, and I say, ‘Look kids, it’s a drizzly bear!’ She hasn’t spoken to me in two days, but it was totally worth it.”
“Bears Sharing a Laugh”
Photograph: Charles Janson/Nikon Comedy Wildlife Awards 2026
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