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w i l l

@willpauer.com
230 followers 68 following 5.9K posts

i literally don't have anything better to do on this platform than shitpost and troll so if you take anything i say seriously it's your own fault

PostsRepliesMedia
w i l l @willpauer.com · 26/02/2026
The outright arrogance and imagined superiority of American leftists caused this. "BuT hArRiS iSn'T tough EnOuGh On GaZa" Look at what you did to your own people, and not a single one of you narcissistic scumbags can put aside your unwarranted self-importance long enough to admit you were wrong.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 20/02/2026
y'all just couldn't vote for Harris, could you.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 16/01/2026
I just don't give a damn about this platform anymore. full of people unwilling to take direct action, people who don't think they're to blame for this shit, people who would rather bloviate online than do something. pure slacktivism.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 15/01/2026
people on the eastern seaboard need to start stocking up NOW food, medicine, potable and non-potable water, plastic sheets, duct tape, toilet paper, heating materials NOW
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 10/01/2026
ASK ME THINGS. ngl.link/will.pauer
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 03/01/2026
Kamala Harris probably wouldn't have bombed Venezuela. just sayin.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 27/12/2025
if you see a friend on a dating app, ✨️no you fucking didn't✨️
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 25/12/2025
I asked Santa for a single goth woman in her late 30s who's interested in me, and then I remembered I have no tree to put presents under, and no chimney to come down, and that I'm Santa
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Chiitan🌈ちぃたん☆ @chiitan.love · 23/12/2025
You don't need to think about what is "normal." You are you. One day, the world will come where there is no need to categorize people as LGBT🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 Until that day arrives, I will continue to send out this message. Your soul is beautiful.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 23/12/2025
thinking of doing the most self-destructive thing possible and get back on the dating apps
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 21/12/2025
I've needed the bathroom for the past two hours but I don't want to go til I go to lunch at 1 and I feel this exercise of holding rhe barbarians at the gate will only make me stronger either that or I shit my pants
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 21/12/2025
I made the greatest personals ad ever on FetLife
a personals ad on Fetlife

title: "Absolute Shitwreck Seeking Undeniable Greatness"

body: "I'm a complete trainwreck with a small penis and absolutely no potential whatsoever. I'm fat, I play video games all day and all night, I survive on energy drinks and imported cheese, and I have an IQ equal to the daytime temperature in winter. I'm about as deep as the potholes on Burnside, as cultured as the parking lot at Grand and Oak, and as reliable as an Italian car. Seriously tho, I have no idea what to put in these anymore. Might as well have some fun with it. Read my profile and get to know me."
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 21/12/2025
I made the greatest personals ad ever on FetLife
a personals ad on Fetlife

title: "Absolute Shitwreck Seeking Undeniable Greatness"

body: "I'm a complete trainwreck with a small penis and absolutely no potential whatsoever. I'm fat, I play video games all day and all night, I survive on energy drinks and imported cheese, and I have an IQ equal to the daytime temperature in winter. I'm about as deep as the potholes on Burnside, as cultured as the parking lot at Grand and Oak, and as reliable as an Italian car. Seriously tho, I have no idea what to put in these anymore. Might as well have some fun with it. Read my profile and get to know me."
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Drew Magary @drewmagary.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
GREAT NEWS! This year’s Williams-Sonoma catalog is powered by AI! defector.com/the-2025-hat...
Me: Olive I simply cannot find a good olive oil cake to serve for our dear friend Adolf Hitler this year. what do we
do?!

Bot: Sorry, I can't assist with that.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 15/12/2025
I am drunk
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downchasm @downchasm.bsky.social · 13/12/2025
THEY'VE PUT ME ON THE POCKETSTATION COOP. I'M BEING RENDERED IN A 32 BY 32 GRID OF MONOCHROME PIXELS. THE BOYS BACK AT QUANTICO SAID THEY'RE GOING TO RELOCATE ME TO A "DOKO DEMO ISSYO" UNTIL THEY CAN GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT.
sony pocketstation
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dawn of the debb @debbshock.com · 12/12/2025
get in, no time to explain
a big semi with "SLUTS" painted colorfully on the side
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 11/12/2025
I had a pager when I was a teen for family reasons. some codes: 9265 20 "where are you? call home" 9265 700 "it's mom, I'm at work" 1196 555 "it's your sister, call me" 5046 555 "it's your brother, call me" 9265 911 "drop what you're doing and call home now" 9265 123 "it's dad, call home soon"
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 09/12/2025
I've noticed the "Kamala Harris isn't tough enough on Gaza" crowd have been really fucking quiet ever since ICE started kidnapping people at gunpoint. maybe this is what they wanted all along?
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 08/12/2025
Stabbing Westward still fuckin rules
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hot dogs are charcuterie sandwiches @riothobbit.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
just sat on my balls
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Sickos Committee @sickoscommittee.org · 07/12/2025
Everyone is like
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
PLAYOFF SICKOS
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 07/12/2025
Had to explain the concept of groupies to someone who doesn't believe that a 19-year-old girl would want to fuck a 45-year-old rockstar. Doesn't believe the girl can consent to it.
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regular meghan 나영지 🇵🇸 @ruemcclammyhand.bsky.social · 06/12/2025
you can always x, it’s always morally correct meme saying you can always break a man’s Meta glasses, it’s always morally correct
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 06/12/2025
That's because she *is* a hero. Hopefully this movement spreads throughout the world.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 06/12/2025
Mike Bidwill is the worst owner in the NFL, probably all major American sports leagues, and nobody gives a fuck because he owns the Cardinals, who nobody gives a fuck about. even the A's had a bigger "sell the team" movement
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 03/12/2025
Hmmmmmmmm. Interesting.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 03/12/2025
found an unused condom during a purge last night. expired in 2016. I genuinely do not know if it was mine or from a FWB.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 30/11/2025
i'd never heard of Anthony Fantano until about five minutes ago and that was as long as it took to determine that his entire taste in music and every single opinion he's ever had can be tossed in the fucking trash where it belongs
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 30/11/2025
@profanity.accountant this is probably not as high as i think despite using "fuck" a lot
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 30/11/2025
This is why we need a full ban on all AI. It's effectively ruining an entire generation.
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Sickos Committee @sickoscommittee.org · 29/11/2025
AND THEN BRUTUS DID MORE.
Dan Hope & @Dan_Hope • 3m
Brutus Buckeye drew a Script Ohio in the snow and X'd out the M in the end zone
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Sickos Committee @sickoscommittee.org · 29/11/2025
SNOW ❄️ QUAD ❄️ BOX ❄️
SNOW ❄️ QUAD ❄️ BOX ❄️
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 29/11/2025
Zootopia: Covenant
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Punished Cat Guy (extra punished Cenobite version) @majima.club · 28/11/2025
Me: oh I heard Amazon has a really hot black Friday deal on cat litter. I should go see if it’s still available A person I deal with: no you can’t buy from Amazon, that’s terrible!!! Me: what the fuck do you want me to do, Brenda, buy bespoke hand-polished walnut cat litter on Etsy
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 28/11/2025
It's robe time.
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Garth Marenghi's Catbus @catbus.phd · 25/11/2025
why is every liberal a crybaby snitch who's solution to everything is Talking To The Manager and Calling the Cops
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Faine Greenwood @faineg.com · 26/11/2025
as a non-binary person I also find “folx” to be intensely cringe “folks” is a perfectly good non-gendered term and you just decided to Hot Topic it to be edgy
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🚬🐚 @clammee.bsky.social · 24/11/2025
person holding grok on a phone up to a room full of partiers, mostly women, who are looking surprised and disgusted and judging and creeped out
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 24/11/2025
another great night at Church of Hive - and it's gonna be even better in the coming weeks.
a group of dancing goths in foreground, background is DJ Skully and two go-go dancers back-lit in purple
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 24/11/2025
Nobody wants green bean casserole, just nobody wants to admit that because vegetables good
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Lil Miss Sinister Fairy Godbitch of the Burrow Mump 🧚‍♂️😈🌾 @fairygodmegan.bsky.social · 21/11/2025
Happy Trans Day of Remembrance. I love trans people. I love your hearts, minds and souls. I've proudly committed my life's work to advocating each day for Trans children's right to a safe education & a real childhood just as they are, filled w/ the friends they love There are ppl fighting for you
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 20/11/2025
my mom is at the goth club not even a shitpost, my actual biological mother is here at the goth club
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Alex Segura @alexsegura.com · 19/11/2025
Help if you can! Portland’s Books With Pictures starts GoFundMe campaign www.comicsbeat.com/portlands-bo...
comicsbeat.com
Portland's Books With Pictures starts IndieGoGo campaign
Portland's beloved books With Pictures comics shop has launched a fundraiser to pay off debts, and the community is rallying around it.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 19/11/2025
desperately hoping that every announcement about AI (or NVIDIA earnings or whatever) is the moment that bursts the bubble and sends AI into its decline and eventual end Butlerian Jihad can't happen soon enough
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 19/11/2025
so dignified. so graceful. you would never find such a lady dancing in the club to a song about jorkin it
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Swamp Witch 🍂🎃 @beneathhergaze.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
"patching things up isn't aesthetic" you are the shame and embarrassment of your entire bloodline. your ancestors did not scrimp & suffer for you to scoff at & spurn the thrifty techniques that allowed your existence. you will not survive this upcoming economic depression. i will shit in your socks.
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 17/11/2025
in all fairness that was really good amontillado
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w i l l @willpauer.com · 16/11/2025
me: "boy I hope I don't shit my pants today" metformin: "GUESS THE FUCK WHAT, SON"
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