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Le Jocqueur

@typee.bsky.social
72 followers 108 following 203 posts

are you a bad enough dude to publish short fiction in online magazines?

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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 20/07/2025
not sure if he counts as a "celebrity" but the first and only time I ever gambled, on my 21st birthday, I put a few bucks on a horse race and the race announcer was Bob Nastanovich (ex-Pavement / Silver Jews)
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lottie "frog k" lovely ⚧️🏴‍☠️ @vaporlight.bsky.social · 08/05/2025
censored again - "misunderestimation"
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 08/05/2025
the next pope should have a ponytail and a ball python and a couple of katanas.
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dragonetti @dragonetti.bsky.social · 01/05/2025
BENEDICTION OF FEAR
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 18/04/2025
the government has announced three new bodily functions. here's what you need to know: 👇🧵
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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
Loud wet lube sounds echoing down the hall when I'm alone at home and I'm freaking out because this is a dryjacking house
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 16/04/2025
guy who transcribes his kid's name into Norse runes and gets it tattooed accidentally invokes a spell that makes each of his teeth turn alive
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 08/04/2025
Thief is a movie about how cool it is to use Devices. every time there's a Device onscreen it's the main thing, often the only thing in the frame
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 06/04/2025
thinking about the ambiguities of the word "maul". how many times does an animal have to bite you before it counts as being "mauled"? two bites? three? what if they're little ones? does the animal have to bite *and* scratch you? do you have to be knocked prone?
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 22/02/2025
this expression is immediately and universally recognized as "caught with dick in something dicks don't traditionally go into"
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comfort foods @primpker.bsky.social · 15/02/2025
*guy with the mandate of heaven voice* hey
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Vajra Chandrasekera @vajra.me · 19/01/2025
acab includes ministries of defence. futurism is the torment nexus product development pipeline
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 05/01/2025
Now playing: ZENO OF INTEREST, about a man approaching a moral reckoning of his complicity in the brutal machinery of fascism, but eternally an infinitestimal degree removed from it
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 05/01/2025
JERRY: "Man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills." GEORGE: Pshh. I can. J: You can will what you will?? G: Yyyyyup. J: If you can will what you will, why do you will what YOU will? G: I will to will to will it. J: Prove it! Will something different! G: I will!!
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mave @mave.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
When a menu says “select a protein,” I feel like I should be wearing gray coveralls and finding a table that lets me sit with my back to the telescreen
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 15/11/2024
Can I spell "icup"? hmmm can I get an etymology please? part of speech? can you please use it in a sentence?
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 18/09/2024
anything good on here yet?
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 09/03/2024
extraordinarily @georgialux.bsky.social coded
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 26/02/2024
need a hot woman to cut up my food for me
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comfort foods @primpker.bsky.social · 04/02/2024
Smoking the shit they have in the blue zone.
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 27/01/2024
fucking gone off the rooibos
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 25/01/2024
I said I thought dunking food in beverages was gross
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 20/01/2024
lost Seinfeld episode where everyone thinks Elaine's hot for them them cause she keeps biting her bottom lip but it's just a canker sore
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 20/01/2024
if I was there it wouldna gone down like that
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 15/01/2024
[tune of "Road to Nowhere"] We're on the road to somewhere Takin' a drive We're on the road to somewhere Soon we'll arrive Used to be some other place Yes it's true A different place is where we are Headed to
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 14/01/2024
imagine going to see your estranged father for Christmas and bringing this to play after dinner because Yellowstone is the one thing you remember he likes
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 08/01/2024
Damn Shawty OK!!!
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 07/01/2024
seeing one of those ûberfancy pizzas with like 4 individual basil leaves arranged in a circle around a big lump of mozzarella in the middle and staring intently while puffing up like a betta fish
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 06/01/2024
THAT'S how you motherfuckers name a restaurant
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 06/01/2024
HOT NEW TIKTOK EUPHEMISM FOR 2024: to "endeaden" somebody
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 02/01/2024
in China they call it the Opioid Opportunity
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 29/12/2023
there are 764 ways to cum. if you do them all you ascend to the next plane of existence
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 27/12/2023
taking a tolerance break from altoids
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 24/12/2023
Victims of Wokeness Memorial
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 17/12/2023
JEFF: Larry, you no-fav replied to me again! LARRY: I what? JEFF: you replied to my post without faving it! you gotta fav! LARRY: what? I never knew about that rule. when did that start? JEFF: it's a rule! SUSIE: everyone knows you don't no-fav reply Larry you fuckin goon!
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 10/12/2023
bro ur whisking technique is straight dookie
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 06/12/2023
the wellness girlies are about to invent Ice-9
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 06/12/2023
what do you think happened to the kids Bush was reading to when 9/11 happened. how many of them even remember. at what age did their parents tell them what happened. which ones have since tried to get laid by telling the story.
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FaultyPenis🎃 @faultypussy.bsky.social · 04/12/2023
I wanna be reincarnated as a mountain
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Hell Frasier: Bloodline @babadooknukem.bsky.social · 04/12/2023
terrifying milfs in your area
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 04/12/2023
[texting my wife] can you pick up Hardee's on the way home, Amelia Bedila fucked up dinner again
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 26/11/2023
the "talk box" is a most pernicious blasphemy!! a guitar should not speak with the voice of a man!!! the Lord did not see fit to imbue string instruments with the holy power of speech!!
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georgia-lux @georgialux.bsky.social · 16/11/2023
HORSES CAN BE CURED learn the truth at horse cure dot org
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 25/11/2023
there were so many ways I could have told my coworker that the cat she found, which I'm currently fostering at my house, stole some turkey bones out of the trash - and the words I chose were "your little brown friend picked up some bad habits living on the street"
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 25/11/2023
idk what any of this shit is but I need to eat it right now
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 19/11/2023
I tell you what man got that dang ol lorem ipsum like dolor sit amet, god dang consectetur like, adipiscing elit man it's just like sed do eiusmod dang ol tempor, y'know, incididunt ut labore et dolore and you got that magna aliquaan up there talkin about like enim ad god dang minim veniam man
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 17/11/2023
Mom switching off SILENCE right when Rodrigues is about to tread on the fumi-e because my screen time is up for the day
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Le Jocqueur @typee.bsky.social · 14/11/2023
[listening to jazz] fuck man - slow down. I'm not gonna be able to remember all this
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