Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I’ve always wanted to be a gooder writer. 240
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 29/06/2026Two types of bicycle riders: 1. Bike enthusiasts 2. DUI enthusiasts 0174
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 06/06/2026ME: (throwing my keys to the valet) Run me over real quick, chief. 03512
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 03/07/2023People are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree. 121284251
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 07/05/2026Money saving tip: Ask for a water cup at a fast food place and when they're not looking fill your pockets with money from the register. 0113
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 30/04/2026[getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut. 13211
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 25/04/2026Going around Old Navy and thanking everyone for their service. 2258
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 24/04/2026[plastic surgeon holds mirror up to my face] ME: What happened!? I'm a monster! DOCTOR: We had to postpone your surgery. 0141
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 24/04/2026When my doctor diagnosed me with mansplaining I knew my wife would have a lot of questions. 1396
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 23/04/2026ME: Don’t see a lot of southpaws come through here. GUY AT THE NEXT URINAL: What?! 0102
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 19/07/2023HACKER: (looking through my computer) How many times can this guy search "nude Grimace," he's already naked. 519046
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 19/07/2023[After losing a rap battle] "How did he get a hold of my credit score?" 048794
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 18/07/2023[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* "GO AROUND! GO AROUND!" 07230
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 18/07/2023ME: (removing my AirPods) Not guilty your honor. 012030
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 22/04/2026DETECTIVE: We have an eye witness that spotted you in the crowd. WALDO: (puts out cigarette) I think we both know you don’t. 14415
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff thepokeuk.bsky.social @thepokeuk.bsky.social · 22/04/202625 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week www.thepoke.com/2026/04/22/2... 45413
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 22/04/2026CHIROPRACTOR: (checking chart) Has anyone ever tried twisting your head off? 092
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 20/04/2026Asked my therapist if I could read his notes from our last session and it was just a drawing of my face with a line through it 1334857
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 12/02/2025one time I accidentally brought a pizza to a gunfight instead of a gun and we ate the pizza and resolved differences until the last slice of pizza was up for grabs and a gunfight broke out 814557382
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 14/08/2023Hulk Hogan tries to quietly rip his shirt off during a funeral. 0185
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 21/04/2026ANGEL: Are you sure? GOD: (turning more water into wine) *hiccups* GIVE THAT FISH A SWORD FACE! 0131
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 21/04/2026(bragging to buddies) You should see the other guy. The other guy is married with kids. He's happy. It's been ten years since the fight. 0142
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 21/04/2026DENTIST: Have you been flossing? ME: Have you? DENTIST: (sweating) THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME! 422732
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 30/07/2025BREAKING NEW: Trump considering pardoning the remains of Jeffery Dahmer, claiming the guy was just hungry 060
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 12/03/2025Hangin’ out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride 2151
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 20/02/2025Listen kid you wanna make it in the mime biz you better stop speaking up, and start thinking inside the box. 1248
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 17/02/2025I got that dog in me (I’m scared of the doorbell) 6188211742
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 17/01/2025I’m gettin swole this year, gonna stick my head into a beehive. 070
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 19/12/2024If someone tried to serve me this abomination, I’d throw myself off a roof. 1120
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 18/12/2024Do you think Dracula ever forgets his coffin is shut and sits up and hits his head? 9482111
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 13/12/2024I don’t just clap when the plane lands, I clap the entire flight. 1458
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 09/12/2024On your first day of prison go up to the biggest guy and pay him a compliment. It doesn’t cost you anything to be kind. 25111
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff cat damon @cornonthegoblin.bsky.social · 03/12/2024[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody! 635578
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 08/12/2024*Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice. 0304
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 08/12/2024KID: I’m a brat! WILLY WONKA: I am going to have you murdered. 3337
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Has science gone too far? 562595403
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 07/12/2024Is that a banana in your pocket or… oh wait that is a banana. Sir, I’m with super market security. Please come with me. 1243
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 06/12/2024doctor: your blood glucose is over 800 cookie monster: is that bad doctor: sir it's deadly Cookie Monster: (softly) me want cookie 927754616
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 05/12/2024[into walkie talkie] Your Mom & I are getting a divorce 29919116
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 06/12/2024Here’s another great thing about hot tubs. [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water] 16412
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Jon @arfmeasures.bsky.social · 05/12/2024Me *orders our food fluently in Italian to impress my date* McDonalds drive-thru employee: what 236163541344
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Jo @whatsjo.bsky.social · 22/11/2024him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news 121718302
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 05/12/2024Dating tip: don’t mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin. 26710
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 05/12/2024[plastic surgeon holds mirror up to my face] ME: What happened!? I’m a monster! DOCTOR: We had to postpone your surgery. 0265
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 05/12/2024DENTIST: Have you been flossing? ME: Have you been flossing? DENTIST: *sweating* This isn’t about me. 09312
Reposted by Tommytoughstuff Robert Manchild @robertmanchild.com · 02/07/2023“She says she doesn’t want to fuckin’ talk to you.” 191997380
Tommytoughstuff @tommytoughstuff.bsky.social · 04/12/2024DOUG YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT! [camera pans to me struggling with Doug for his name tag] 0277
