Whatever you do, don't brew a blooming tea in a beautiful glass teapot at a job interview. The interviewer will reflect on the beauty of nature and realize they've wasted their life. They will run screaming from the building. You will not be hired.
![[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN]
1
JESUS [speaking into intercom]
Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please
2
SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]:
Hi boss
JESUS:
Hi Nick
3
JESUS:
Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing...
SANTA:
Ohh not this again boss
4
JESUS:
Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand.
5
JESUS:
I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries…
And now you’re like…
6
JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]:
I mean - what’s this.
7
SANTA:
This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s
JESUS:
*That’s what I mean.*
8
JESUS:
You’ve just gone too -
SANTA:
Oh no, oh no -
9
SANTA:
Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh?
10
SANTA:
You said: “I ain’t going back there”
11
SANTA:
If you wanna take over -
JESUS:
Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"...
12
SANTA:
You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good -
JESUS:
*WATCH IT NICK*.
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayhglimve4fbwilzyfjedpa56xwmjq4oriqqs62atkospprs6x5y)
![Comic by Stephen Collins for the Guardian.
Scene is a normal street, morning time. A man called ARUN is standing in his pyjamas, in front of his blue and black wheelie bins. Next to him, holding a card like a gameshow host, is a BIN COLLECTOR MAN
1
BIN MAN:
Welcome back to Ultimate Bin Challenge.
2
BIN MAN:
So this is it, Arun.
3
BIN MAN:
You’ve got past the recycling round, even that tricky ‘What the hell does TerraCycle mean’ question
4
BIN MAN:
How are you feeling?
ARUN:
Good.
BIN MAN:
OK. Here we go.
5
BIN MAN:
It is a Saturday morning in the most bank-holiday-ridden spring of human history. Without consulting the bit of card telling you about the bin days, because ironically you put it in the bin, or asking a neighbour, because frankly you’d rather die, please answer the question:
6
BIN MAN:
Is it bin day, and if so… what bin?
7
[Close up on Arun’s face as he thinks, intensely]
8
[Same image, all around him goes dark as he enters ‘the zone’]
9
[Still in the dark, we see the two bins stood next to each other]
10
[Opening their lids, the bins speak to Arun]
BIN 1:
Yes.
BIN 2:
Yes.
11
ARUN [snapping back to the real world]:
Put them both out, hope for the best.
12
BIN MAN:
HE’S DONE IT! [Neighbours cheer as bin lorry arrives]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreigedszxmlrqnr2s2f5jbjqkmiwkxfdt7fljxy7mxvpkykvbtbvth4)
