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Tim in Des Moines

@timindesmoines.bsky.social
289 followers 792 following 7.7K posts

Cat dad. Better-halfed by @goddesshanna.bsky.social #Cubsin4. Wilds. Steelers. Cyclones. Tired. FDJT✊ Avatar from The Oatmeal, banner by me

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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
You know how NFL referees like to do a call in the local language? Since they're in the UK today, they should do a call like "Snogging the wobbly bumper, offense #72, 10 yard penalty, repeat 2nd down"
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Let out a SBD fart in the break room and before it could dissipate and before I could escape someone else walked in the room
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Marcus Foligno's hair is in regular season form
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
One day I hope the doctor at Walter Reed who gets Cheetoman tells his story like this youtu.be/2wcI10CNuxU?...
youtu.be
'In Japan, Heart Surgeon Number 1' - The Office US
YouTube video by The Office
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
And never once managed to be funny
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I don't understand how any of the Cubs pitching coaches have a job
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
People with ADHD brains, have you ever thought randomly about a song you'd only heard a couple times, and in that moment you had to hear it, but all you could remember was a few notes of the chorus and a G♯7 chord that twists my ear just right. No? Just me?
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Have you ever taken a 🥬 sleep gummy, put on some choral hymns, and done some puzzles? It's like a warm blanket for the brain
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I thought this said DEEZ
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Reading about Lindsay Clancy case. I’m convinced none of the men commenting that the case set women’s right back 100 years have never brought a woman to climax
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
I am convinced Alan Cumming is *not* playing a character on Traitors
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
McDonald’s breakfast burrito, but burrito supreme sized
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cait (and adonis) @cait.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
face down in his catnip pouches. absolutely lost in the sauce
orange cat curled up asleep on top of his catnip toys
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
I had a dream the other night that I was watching a movie starring David Tennant in full Scottish accent and Tom Hardy as the muscle. It was some kind of war revenge story where they captured their past aggressors and killed them justly. I don’t remember much else but Tennant was very good.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
After he died, Tupac did more to prove that he's still alive than Mitch McConnell has since he went to the hospital.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Abdul El-Sayed sounds like Obama if he was ready to drop hands
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
I don’t remember having this as a kid but this flashlight light saber thing was in my box of stuff from home. Biz approves and he wants to get it
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
In line at the pharmacy drive thru and the car in front of me has a “plants>pills” sticker
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
The Green Kilometer
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
If you know who these characters are, it's time to consider scheduling a colonoscopy
Cartoon characters from the late 1980s
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Me and my frendo while the other two wrassle on the other half of the couch
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Without saying your age, what’s your favourite movie that came out when you were 18?
static.klipy.com
Cartoon Cow Milking: Milk Me
ALT: Cartoon Cow Milking: Milk Me
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Scott @scottydo16.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
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Oli @oliaworth96.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Vanquished by the baby you washed is some Athena bullshit
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Bryan Mac @bryanmac.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
That Fernandez tackle…
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Arrested loser wears the same clothes as Blanche Devereaux
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
She angy that I “made” her move by existing in the same space as her
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Why am I hungry for an omelet all of a sudden?
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Really I don’t know a lot about soccer but that seemed…surgical #ENGvsARG
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
I wish the All-Star game had an All-Star broadcast booth, too. Imagine Don Orsillo with Keith Hernandez, Jim Deshaies, and John Kruk.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Dunno who needs to know this but if you’d like to put someone in stocks and throw rotten tomatoes at them, you’re thinking of a pillory. Stocks are the same concept but they go around your ankles instead.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
Every time you call it a slide deck, an angel gets its wings removed thereby decreasing shareholder equity
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 10/07/2026
#beanz
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Norm Charlatan @normcharlatan.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Who would have known Argentina would have so much trouble battling a remote Atlantic archipelago?
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
The Teddy Roosevelt hologram should have told him that real patriotism is dying already
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
I love it when the frens sit like this and look out the back window
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Double crunchy box action
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Happy national pineapple day to @therachel.bsky.social
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Idea: the sleep helmet It’s a foam pillow that you wear like a football helmet that perfectly aligns your neck however you sleep #donotsteal
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
I put on a playlist of songs that have chord progressions or harmonies that tickle the underside of my brain and apparently that was enough for big feelings
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Dave Karpf @davekarpf.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
We, as a nation, are collectively missing a great opportunity to get RFK Jr to drink from the reflecting pool.
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Molly Knight @mollyknight.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Dress rehearsal for the big one.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
I took a nap and I was dreaming that I was walking through the streets of Clinton with a docile bear that was obviously being prepped for surgery. We walked to a couple veterinarians and when we found the one it had escaped from we learned it had a brain tumor that made it so calm.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
Doin a concern because there were people outside talking and walking by
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
Remember those cutaways on Ren & Stimpy that would be a really gross zoom-in? I swear it’s like that every time I see a little smudge on my glasses and I take them off to clean them.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
A cat intently looking off in the distance
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Brian Groom @groomb.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
Whitby at night, photo by Denise Bartlett.
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Tim in Des Moines @timindesmoines.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
Looking outside and I noticed a tree on the property line is dead. Then I wondered if trees get the ick when they’re around a dead tree that hasn’t fallen
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