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The Crypt Keeper

@thecryptkeeper.bsky.social
636 followers 993 following 297 posts

Hello BOILS and GHOULS! It's me, your GHOST with the most. The master of SCARE-emonies. Your creepy cadaver with tons of swagger. Follow the Cryptkeeper for putrid puns and a WICKED good time. I FOUL-low back. AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA!

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Happy thoughts make you fly. @i-zelle.bsky.social · 15/06/2025
The Crypt Keeper has better skin, more charisma and people actually want to spend time with him.
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 14/06/2025
I'm afraid I can only give this one a 9 out of 10. He missed a perfect opportunity to call it a KanGHOUL! AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHE
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Baby Boy Monaghan @babyboymonaghan.bsky.social · 13/06/2025
The Crypt Keeper: (wearing a backwards Kangol) You’ve got to FRIGHT for your RIGHT to part-FLEE AH HA HA HA HEE HA HEE
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Mutton the Dragon @muttonthedragon.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
Dumb D&D idea: players find a note with faded letters, but it looks like they can find vast amounts of treasure in the “Crypt Keeper’s Tomb.” They arrive find an undead obsessing over worthless copies of valuable trinkets, and learn the undead’s true title: The Crypto Keeper
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Matt Kulp @dadpool79.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
In my Cryptkeeper voice, I call this tale of devilish delight "Ghouls night out." Cryptkeeperlaugh
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Lady Reezy (aka Azúcar Blanca) @ladyreezy.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
Would have also accepted carcass copying, your dead majesty.
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
Got cryptkeeper dysphoria, born a boy but I transitioned to a ghoul yeeheeeheeheeheee
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The Blue Butterflies Resistance Brigade #102 @mememansion.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
Well the Cryptkeeper is Definately sexier Than Steven KILLER..oops... Miller.
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james folta @jamesfolta.com · 31/05/2025
The phrase "emerging writer" makes me think you're rising out of a swamp to enact an ancient vengeance on the town folk
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
And you could, too!
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
You have to understand that this was our first shot at the silver SCREAM. The DIErector was DEADset on casting Ralph RichardSIN and I was just thrilled to DEATH at the thought of making a movie. Besides, the movie filmed in the UK and, at the time, I didn't have a PASSEDport. AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
If I were in charge of the HEXuctive branch, you would see true BLEEDership. I could never run, though. There are too many SKELETONS in my closet. AH-HEHEHEHEHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
I've had many careers. I've been an apiarist, a soccer goalie, and an accountant. I even cleaned hotel rooms, at one point. Law keeping was only a small portion of my afterlife. AH-HEHEHAHAHA
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mike huguenor @mikehuguenor.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
Thank you for the subskeet, Crypt Keeper! Big fan of your unflappable humor and raw sexuality!
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tiffAH! Real Monster @bakedpotiffa.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
It’s Saturday! Post a cartoon series that you love. 📺🖤
Tales from the Cryptkeeper
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Glenn Fleishman @glennf.com · 31/05/2025
@darthbluesky.bsky.social “In the northwest corner of Washington State on Friday morning, the authorities issued a most unusual all-points bulletin, rather, an A.P.Bee.” www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/u...
nytimes.com
250 Million Honeybees Escape After a Truck Rolls Over in Washington State
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The Blue Butterflies Resistance Brigade #102 @mememansion.bsky.social · 31/05/2025
Oh you evil ghoul!! Don't ruin my gond child time memories of you and classics like The Mummy Never Sleeps!? Also Pretty good
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
And you could, too!
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ManWithPez @manwithpez.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
#CryptStatic
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mike huguenor @mikehuguenor.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
This hip young investor just wised me up about a whole Crypt O' Currency
Cryptocurrency icon The Cryptkeeper
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bakoon @bakoon.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
get pissed on you dead bitch
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Anagram Doe @anagramdoe.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
the cryptkeeper is capable of laughter
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mike huguenor @mikehuguenor.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
I'm being told it's a "bloody good" deal and that I'd "beheaded" in the wrong direction if I didn't invest
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ManWithPez @manwithpez.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
"See to the crypt, will you. And feed the Crypt Keeper. He's getting all bite-y again." #hyrcrew #CryptStatic
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Matthew @madaram.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
I’ve gotten hold of the old Tales from the Crypt series and I’m starting them from the beginning 🍿
Artwork for tales from the crypt. A decaying face wearing a tuxedo with yellow text saying ‘tales from the crypt’
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Rob L. White (‘Cuddle’ Short Film OUT NOW!!) @therlwrites.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
I don’t have 2 wolves inside me I have these two …
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ManWithPez @manwithpez.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
Wha-huh?! Who the hell is THIS now!? I said The Crypt Keeper! Not some ol... ...what's that? ...no shit?! Explain this, @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social !😆 #CryptStatic #TalesFromtheCrypt #TheCryptKeeper
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
Tonight's tawdry tragedy involves a curious king that expirences complicated commiserations with his capricious mother. It's the type of family feud that Steve SCARvey wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I call this tale... DEADipus HEX! AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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ManWithPez @manwithpez.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
Thanks, #FrightClub ! Will try unsuccessfully to murder blind people with you any day! Tomorrow night (Wed, May 28th) at 7CST, join #CryptStatic for the weekly Crypt Keeper shenanigans we've all grown to love w/ #TalesFromtheCrypt. He's a cute lil' guy!
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
I tried playing hockey in my youth, but I kept getting penalized for HACKING! AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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Cryptoe39 💀 @tiptoe39.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
My husband just said Mark Messier looks like the Cryptkeeper.
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 26/07/2023
I'm sure you know of The Book of the Dead, but did you know there's a Cookbook of the Dead?
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 22/07/2023
Sometimes, I moonFREIGHT as a greeter. But you'll only see me if you're shopping during the GRAVEYARD shift. AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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Just Keep Swimming @susanbsquishy.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
Talk to me nice because look who responded
media.tenor.com
a cartoon drawing of a man and a woman holding hands
ALT: a cartoon drawing of a man and a woman holding hands
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Cryptoe39 💀 @tiptoe39.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
OH MY GOD. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
I hope you didn't sacrifice your DEADucation just for a PASSING fancy. Self pleasure is no substitution to RigorMORTIS studying. AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHAHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
It's true, I post putrid puns for my personal pleasure. But if I can make a few freight fans find fun in my fancy phonetics, then that's just DIEcing on the cake. AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
You'll have to talk to Warner SMOTHERS about that. They own the LAST rights, and David RATSlav is a real GHOUL. AH-HEHEHEHAHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 18/07/2023
Call me old fashioned, but in my day, CRYPTo currency was whatever jewelry you could take from the casket before they buried it. And CRYPTo mining was when you had to dig it up! AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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Encarta Enjoyer @meksivik.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
We've got the crypt keeper here and he's killing it
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
I may not post a lot, but I'm always HANGING around. Don't be afraid to DROP me a line. I love it when fans RETCH out. AH-HAHAHAHA
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BassToad @basstoad.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
Blues-die is my favorite skull-cial media app(arition)
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Bran 9 From Outer Space @bransonreese.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
It's okay if bluesky is dying. As a student of The Crypt Keeper, I've always had a certain ease with -perhaps even an affinity for- death and all things macabre.
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Hate Wanks: Attorney at Law at TFN2026 @guyver3x.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
Thank you two for validating my "the crypt keeper is the modern day Sophocles" tattoo my friends keep razzing me about
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Just Keep Swimming @susanbsquishy.bsky.social · 27/05/2025
The Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt. To this day my momma still say "yo husband on" everytime she sees him
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
One way to WORM your way into my heart is to appeal to my vanity. You may not know this, but your old pal, Cryptie, is susceptible to SPLATTERY! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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ManWithPez @manwithpez.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
He found me I don't know how but @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social found me! #CryptStatic #TalesFromtheCrypt
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
One way to WORM your way into my heart is to appeal to my vanity. You may not know this, but your old pal, Cryptie, is susceptible to SPLATTERY! AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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The Crypt Keeper @thecryptkeeper.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
It's actually Habeas CORPSES! AH-HEHEHEHAHAHAHA
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