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Mario Kart Garfunkel

@thatsamorey.bsky.social
264 followers 404 following 1.4K posts

The world’s gonna kick you either way

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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 4h
Bro did you see the stars last night? Bro were you out there gazing? Bro they moved in the eternal stillness of the dark, lights that have long since died but still haven’t finished telling their tales, did you see it?
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Blocking Michael Tracey here. Don’t want him to leave a stink on my timeline.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Peter Thiel is, without a doubt, the most uncomfortable person to look at. The only living human whose face resides at the very bottom of the uncanny valley.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Several thoughts on this: I had never heard this song before today. In my daily life I have little to no interaction with popular music. Streaming services make it so much easier for people to have extremely insular listening experiences.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Could there be any clearer moral and ethical story than “the many are suffering because the few have all the wealth”
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Becoming a ‘molan labe’ guys but for Meta glasses
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
A football player says "glad you're here in the USA for football season, Junji Ito. Let me show you how to throw a perfect spiral." The football plater throws the ball. Ito is mesmerized. Spirals appear in his eyes and he sweats profusely. We zoom in on his face in an extreme closeup as the intensity of his terror increases.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Can of oil I apply to my joints periodically like the Tin Man
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
If Biden dies during Trump’s term, do you think Trump will tell them not to fly the flag at half mast
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tinybaby @tiny.baby · 22/09/2026
the guys who run into target at 6 am and steal pokemon cards from children are all mad because pokemon is just printing more now
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’d be on the list if it were Top 40. They cut it to 38 because they fear me.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
They’re scared
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I’m excited to announce that I’m going to be opening for Ed Sheeran’s North American tour
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
If I’m funny enough online then God will forgive my sins
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Add another one to the list
FactPost
@factpostnews.bsky.social
The FDA has announced a recall of salted caramel ice cream due to possible contamination with "small stones and other hard objects."
10:06 AM • Sep 16, 2026

Picture of a scoop of caramel swirl ice cream next to a pic of RFK jr., looking like a scoop of caramel swirl ice cream.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Mitch McConnell has officially become the crotchety old woman from Bloodborne who gets addicted to sedatives and then just smiles and laughs all the time
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Play this clip for someone but give them no context
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
2012: he should mackle less 2026: actually maybe he SHOULD mackle more
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I had the most annoying political conversation last weekend with a conservative last weekend. I’m still mad about it. She said all but three of the things on here and I’m not kidding.
4x4 Bingo card but instead of BINGO it says DUMB. The squares contain the following: 

Anti-vaxxer
Small business owner
"Socialism has been tried before."
"Illegals"
pray for you."
"How can I be
homophobic when I know gay people?"
"How is it fair if everyone makes the same amount of money and can't make more than that?"
"I'm not very political."
Islamophobia
Using transgender as a noun
"I don't agree with
ALL of Trump's agenda."
"Judeo-Christian values"
"Socialism has killed millions of people."
"How can I be racist when I have black friends?"
"Won't billionaires just leave if you tax them?"
"How are you gonna pay for it?"
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vanoreo @vanoreo.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
we desperately need a manifesto on how ai is the go-to tool for people who don't give a shit, and giving a shit is basically the entire purpose of being alive
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I’m Not The Step-Dad, I’m The Dad Who Stepped Up 2: The Streets
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Tim Pool @Timcast • 1h
Source tells me Charlie is stable.

Please god
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Probably been said before, but when someone uses transgender as a noun instead of an adjective (e.g. “I know a transgender” vs. “I know a transgender person”), they’re probably a clueless bigot.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Had a dream where Charlie Kirk had come back to life and he was podcasting about it but like, he was still the same. Nothing about the experience really changed him. He was still going on about black and trans people.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Missouri has a Supreme Court justice named Ginger Gooch. I’m not making this up.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Anyone else ever just show up one day wearing a black veil that covers your entire face and make the whole town gets all weird about it? What’s up with that?
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Gonna be great when he gets visited by the Ghost of Just Asking Questions
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Paul Waldman @paulwaldman.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
The default judgment rural voters will make when this happens is that it must be the Democrats' fault. But that isn't written in stone. Which is why Dems must do something they never do: Go to rural America and attack Republicans. Not just listen and express empathy, but ATTACK.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Shouting across the house to my wife, “Hey babe, what’s that medical show called that you like?” “You mean The Pit?”
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Aaron Reichlin-Melnick @reichlinmelnick.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
We are a broken nation. Hundreds of thousands of Haitians were living and working legally, paying taxes, and contributing. Haiti remains wholly unsafe. But Trump hates Haitians, and the White House wanted videos of Black people in chains, so they stripped them of status and turned on the cameras.
Homeland Security 7
@DHSgov
X.com
Haiti TPS has been TERMINATED.
Those with terminated TPS are in our nation Illegally. They have two options: LEAVE IMMEDIATELY or be DEPORTED.
DHS.GOV/CBРНОМЕ

Underneath is a screenshot of a video showing two Haitian men in chains being led to the aircraft. I didn’t post the video, but it’s vile.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Noah Kahan? Yeah I guess you could say I “know a con” —the dang President!
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Welcome to Bluesky. Please familiarize yourself with the following paramount leaders to understand the range of opinions it is acceptable to express.
Grid of all the animals (and the teacher and the children) from Eric Carle’s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Is Red Hot Chili Peppers classic rock? Discuss.
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William Shakespeare @shakespeare.lol · 25/08/2026
[Exit Queen.]
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Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Dolly Parton's Imagination Library gifted more than 332,000,000 books since it was first created 31 years ago.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library program has given my kids some of their favorite books to read. Really sad to hear of her death.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
President Pissbrain
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Oh this is big
Menu option: Allow quote posts, followed by a toggle button
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“james adomian” @jadomian.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Unconstitutional and illegal act of domestic treason, regardless of the obedient conclusion of the purchased judges
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Pyramid Chad @pyrameadhead.wifeguy.online · 24/08/2026
You missed the funniest part of the tweet
Post about data centers from OP but with the paid partnership and made with AI tags
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
[seeing a sea turtle] okay, i get the concept [seeing a sea lion] looks kinda different from a land lion… [seeing a sea horse] okay wtf
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Calyrex had enough of this fish
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glass is half empty. Sears Ad: I can not live another day without air conditioning Paper says tommorow's gonna be hotter Hotter Like yesterday Yesterday? Yesterday you said you'd call Sears I'll call today You'll call now I'll call now
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Optimist: The cup is half full. Pessimist: The cup is half empty. My Chemical Romance: The Cup Is Not Okay (I Promise)
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Another awesome day of sitting through presentations with AI-generated images.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
19th-century prospector taking a pickaxe going, “Thar’s gold in them thar Flock cameras!”
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Oh great the national debt is in the news…
static.klipy.com
Wayne's World: NOT!
Alt: Wayne's World: NOT!
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Have any antivaxxers gone so far as to say that washing your hands after using the bathroom is bad? Surely that’s the natural progression?
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ex-Lethality Jane @lethalityjane.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
You played the recorder in part to strengthen your fine motor skills and in part to introduce you to basic music theory concepts like rhythm, the C-major scale, and reading basic music notes. Your teachers wanted to make elementary music education available to all, not just the rich.
Threads post "And then for no reason, no reason at all, they made us all learn how to play the recorder"
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