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Mario Kart Garfunkel

@thatsamorey.bsky.social
265 followers 404 following 1.4K posts

The world’s gonna kick you either way

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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 13/10/2026
I’ll tell on myself: When I directed an adaptation of Little Women, one scene had the March girls sing a hymn together to bolster their spirits after bad news about their father’s status in the Civil War. I chose “It Is Well With My Soul,” a song which wasn’t penned until after the war ended.
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Citizen Slain @shanesheehy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
to get into my house you need to pass through a loading screen
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
College dorm DVD shelf
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
The Legend of Zelda games tap into a deeply human desire we all secretly long for: finding a cool thing in a cave
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Save some for the rest of us, pal
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Bananas: Nature’s individually wrapped snacks
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
*pulls away from kiss* there’s just something about you that I don’t feel when I kiss other girls… no, seriously! It’s… *wets lips* your chap stick *face swelling up* I think I need my EpiPen
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Steve Mullis @stevemullis.net · 05/10/2026
[car dealership waiting room] Me: [chanting] knobs, knobs- Other car buyers: knobs, KNOBS Car salesman: [pounding desk] KNOBS, KNOBS, KNOBS!
forbes.com
Knobs Returning To Some Automakers’ Vehicles, To The Relief Of Many
Auto companies are listening to the complaints of consumers, who want their knobs and buttons back.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If you spray a cloud of perfume or cologne and walk into it you’re actually walking into a ghost who now smells nicer than you
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
When DDR first changed his name to that handle I remember seeing someone reply saying, “lmao what a great name,” and he was like, “I know right?”
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Bro did you see the stars last night? Bro were you out there gazing? Bro they moved in the eternal stillness of the dark, lights that have long since died but still haven’t finished telling their tales, did you see it?
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Let’s not make it three murders
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I call it a purge listen. Let my brain hear it once to completion so it can move on to something else.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Yeah to this day I still have no clue what, if anything, they got out of it all lol
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Which one was the fent pusher? I either forgot or missed that one. I’ll never forget watching the horny aunt account go dark in real time though.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Beloved bot account turns out to be a corporate viral marketing stunt
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Screaming at my phone, “Wash your hair!!! Fuck!!!”
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Blocking Michael Tracey here. Don’t want him to leave a stink on my timeline.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Peter Thiel is, without a doubt, the most uncomfortable person to look at. The only living human whose face resides at the very bottom of the uncanny valley.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Anyway, all this proves to me is that the music charts are more meaningless than ever. I’m finishing my coffee now.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
“Boston” was always a comically bad song, but it’s even funnier after listening to “Choosin’ Texas” and realizing how much Stella Lefty just wanted to copy the better song’s success. Her own name is like a knockoff of Ella Langley!
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Like the song “Boston” by Stella Lefty, which I had heard of only because Anthony Fantano made a video about it. youtu.be/h52O0JiWEfc?...
youtu.be
New Nepo Baby Just Dropped
YouTube video by fantano
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Having listened to the song now, I don’t quite get why it apparently got THIS popular. It’s fine but… I don’t see what’s so special about it. There are definitely worse songs out there.
It became the longest-running No. 1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 by a female country artist ever, and then surpassed Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" to become the longest-reigning chart-topper in Hot 100 history.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Several thoughts on this: I had never heard this song before today. In my daily life I have little to no interaction with popular music. Streaming services make it so much easier for people to have extremely insular listening experiences.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Could there be any clearer moral and ethical story than “the many are suffering because the few have all the wealth”
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Becoming a ‘molan labe’ guys but for Meta glasses
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
A football player says "glad you're here in the USA for football season, Junji Ito. Let me show you how to throw a perfect spiral." The football plater throws the ball. Ito is mesmerized. Spirals appear in his eyes and he sweats profusely. We zoom in on his face in an extreme closeup as the intensity of his terror increases.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Can of oil I apply to my joints periodically like the Tin Man
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
If Biden dies during Trump’s term, do you think Trump will tell them not to fly the flag at half mast
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Trump voters really thought deporting “criminals” would be like picking names out on a spreadsheet and moving them to another column.
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tinybaby @tiny.baby · 22/09/2026
the guys who run into target at 6 am and steal pokemon cards from children are all mad because pokemon is just printing more now
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I’d be on the list if it were Top 40. They cut it to 38 because they fear me.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
They’re scared
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I’m excited to announce that I’m going to be opening for Ed Sheeran’s North American tour
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
If I’m funny enough online then God will forgive my sins
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Can’t think of a more time-tested losing strategy. Numerous Dems have cratered in red states for thinking they can swing right!
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Add another one to the list
FactPost
@factpostnews.bsky.social
The FDA has announced a recall of salted caramel ice cream due to possible contamination with "small stones and other hard objects."
10:06 AM • Sep 16, 2026

Picture of a scoop of caramel swirl ice cream next to a pic of RFK jr., looking like a scoop of caramel swirl ice cream.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Mitch McConnell has officially become the crotchety old woman from Bloodborne who gets addicted to sedatives and then just smiles and laughs all the time
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Play this clip for someone but give them no context
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
2012: he should mackle less 2026: actually maybe he SHOULD mackle more
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Lmfao good god
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
I had the most annoying political conversation last weekend with a conservative last weekend. I’m still mad about it. She said all but three of the things on here and I’m not kidding.
4x4 Bingo card but instead of BINGO it says DUMB. The squares contain the following: 

Anti-vaxxer
Small business owner
"Socialism has been tried before."
"Illegals"
pray for you."
"How can I be
homophobic when I know gay people?"
"How is it fair if everyone makes the same amount of money and can't make more than that?"
"I'm not very political."
Islamophobia
Using transgender as a noun
"I don't agree with
ALL of Trump's agenda."
"Judeo-Christian values"
"Socialism has killed millions of people."
"How can I be racist when I have black friends?"
"Won't billionaires just leave if you tax them?"
"How are you gonna pay for it?"
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
You need more than 20 votes to win
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vanoreo @vanoreo.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
we desperately need a manifesto on how ai is the go-to tool for people who don't give a shit, and giving a shit is basically the entire purpose of being alive
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I’m Not The Step-Dad, I’m The Dad Who Stepped Up 2: The Streets
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Tim Pool @Timcast • 1h
Source tells me Charlie is stable.

Please god
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Probably been said before, but when someone uses transgender as a noun instead of an adjective (e.g. “I know a transgender” vs. “I know a transgender person”), they’re probably a clueless bigot.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Yesssss we needed this QoL update!
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Mario Kart Garfunkel @thatsamorey.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Glad I wasn’t the only one who was surprised by the lack of modern Zelda sensibilities by remake seems to display. It may be a refreshing play.
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