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Candy Elliott

@sixfootcandy.bsky.social
6.9K followers 1.2K following 848 posts

Gen X woman with opinions, observations, and a sense of humor. My writing app, BiteDraft is coming out soon. 💬💜 bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23a…

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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 19h
Never grocery shop hungry. I went in for toothpaste and came out prepared to cater a wedding.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Shag carpet was the best 😂
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
It’s the Chiefs’ bye week. What am I supposed to do Sunday? Yell at my family? They don’t even know the plays. 😂
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Halloween for Gen X kids: plastic masks, pillowcases, no adult supervision, and a haunted house in somebody's garage where the dad in the lawn chair got you every single year. Exhibit A is attached. One of us was thrilled. One of us had concerns. bitedraft.com/blog/gen-x-h...
bitedraft.com
Gen X Halloween: What It Was Like in the '70s and '80s
Plastic masks, pillowcases, razor blade warnings, and the haunted house in somebody's garage. What Halloween was really like for Gen X kids.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
ME: I’m a little drunk. HER: I know. ME: You’re very beautiful. HER: Thank you. ME: Do I look okay naked? HER: You do. ME: Do you like my penis? HER: It’s very nice. ME: Big, too. HER: Yes it is. ME: What now? HER: I have to call the police. ME: Why? HER: Starbucks policy, sir.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
“I was home. I have never been more home.”
bitedraft.com
Your Package Is Arriving Today and Other Works of Fiction
Label created. Out for delivery. Delivery attempted. A dry look at package tracking updates and the thirteen hours of waiting they leave out.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
“Yes, can I help you?” “Evening, neighbor. I just wanted to remind you that garbage pickup is tomorrow, and you seem to have forgotten to put your cans out.”
A raccoon with its paws against the glass pane of a door.
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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
The coffee cake mini muffins are so small and the day ahead is so long.
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RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Messy house? Having guests? Tell them you’re teaching the kids to clean up on their own, and in an instant you’ll go from “lazy slob” to “model parent”
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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
My dream guy is Chewbacca. He’s tall, has great hair and doesn’t talk much
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Katie Didn’t @porkchophair.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
*crosses Velcro shoes into an X to feel wild again*
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
i've seen some terrible puns but this is really the last straw
Sign on a truck reads"Fifty Shades of Hay."
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Nothing makes me want to keep an item more than finding out I have to print something to return it.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
An American city shouldn’t have to vote for you to deserve your protection. The applause is the part I can’t get past. Credit: @covie93.bsky.social
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I procrastinate a bit 😂
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
When I tell my husband I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. No need to remind me every six months.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Not to brag, but I know how to spell “United States.”
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. Sending you love and a big hug. 💜
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
All the conversation about sexual assault has been triggering for me. I’m thinking about all the women who might be feeling it, too. These conversations matter, but they can bring back so much pain. Sending you love and support.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I think of the women who question whether what happened “counts.” A date or partner wore them down, guilted them, or made them afraid to say no. Giving in under pressure isn’t freely given consent. How many women have blamed themselves or never told anyone because it happened with someone they knew?
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I think of the women who question whether what happened “counts.” A date or partner wore them down, guilted them, or made them afraid to say no. Giving in under pressure isn’t freely given consent. How many women have blamed themselves or never told anyone because it happened with someone they knew?
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
😢❤️
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
All the conversation about sexual assault has been triggering for me. I’m thinking about all the women who might be feeling it, too. These conversations matter, but they can bring back so much pain. Sending you love and support.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I look like an d banana
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Julie J @j1j2.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
TY @abbarsha.bsky.social @hengel1615.bsky.social @pattyger.bsky.social @ltwlauren.bsky.social @mleeds2048.bsky.social @mfcarter.bsky.social @sixfootcandy.bsky.social @santinimore.bsky.social @djmabeizy.bsky.social @rabar9.bsky.social @vivalasocialista.bsky.social
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Yum
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“Thomas, Albert and I will take tea in the library.” “Very good, sir.” “Also, please see if Mrs. Wickham still has any of those delightful salmon biscuits.” “Of course, sir.”
Two black & white kittens with white curled mustaches sit on a hardwood floor.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Yes, I know the picture is AI slop. I used AI. I make 99% of my artwork myself, but sometimes a girl’s got three jobs and needs a little help getting something posted. So kindly back off.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“I have no idea” sounds unprofessional. “We’re exploring our options” sounds like you have a team and a budget. On the BiteDraft blog: “The Art of Saying Absolutely Nothing in a Very Professional Way.” Read it here: bitedraft.com/blog/blog-fu... We can circle back about your thoughts.
bitedraft.com
Corporate Jargon: The Art of Saying Absolutely Nothing
From “let’s circle back” to “we’re exploring our options,” professional language has perfected the art of using more words to say considerably less.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Thank you!! ☺️
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Getting older is mostly discovering new and completely ridiculous ways to injure yourself.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
“I'm not hungry" is not legally binding.🍟
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
My anxiety has never once fixed a problem, but I admire its commitment to the project.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I heard someone refer to hooking up with an older person as “antiquing,” so apparently I’ve appreciated in value.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I tried to kick a stray dryer sheet off my slipper mid-stride, caught the doorway molding, and basically curtsied directly into a laundry basket.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I love how as an adult, the consequence of doing too much is pain and exhaustion, but the consequence of doing nothing is also pain and exhaustion.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
The audacity of my husband asking if I ate the last cookie while sitting there with chocolate on his lip. First of all, wipe your face. Second, that’s my move.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
IMPORTANT: VoteSafe.org is not a government website. It’s run by Elon Musk’s America PAC and collects a disturbing amount of your personal information. If you want to check your voter registration, use the actual government website: Vote.gov. Please pass this on.
vote.gov
Register to vote in your state | Vote.gov
Find the information you need to make registration and voting easy. Official voter registration website of the United States government.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Everyone needs to watch James Talarico’s interview with Jimmy Kimmel on YouTube tonight and SHARE IT EVERYWHERE. The FCC threatened ABC, and the interview was pulled from television. Call it what it is. Authoritarian censorship.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I like that, and I can not lie.
A person carrying a large pink foil balloon forming the word “BUTT.”
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/07/2025
“I know you think you’re being funny, but honestly Dave, it’s just hurtful.”
A Borzoi dog, looking forlorn, sits next to a dresser as their owner mimics them using a sock puppet adorned with googly eyes.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
One minute, you’re young and carefree. The next, you’re saying things like, “Let’s just get there early and park close.”
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Marriage is asking your spouse to hide the sweets from you until the weekend and then being genuinely offended when he commits to the assignment.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I’ve reached the age where “doing nothing” is a valid and exciting weekend plan.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
If I'm the only person in a public restroom and you choose the stall directly next to me, I'm going to need to know more about your decision-making process.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Nothing has worked harder in the past few weeks than my air conditioner. She’s one heat wave away from filing for workers’ comp.
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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this."
A hamster sits in a tiny blue knit basket being held by a person dressed in brown.
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Marl @marlebean.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Fast and Furious: My Period Cycle
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
A friend asked me to recommend a dinner spot that could accommodate their “elderly” parents. They’re 50. 50! I am currently picking out my casket.
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Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
At this point, I’m 97% sweat.
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