Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 19hNever grocery shop hungry. I went in for toothpaste and came out prepared to cater a wedding. 1102
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026It’s the Chiefs’ bye week. What am I supposed to do Sunday? Yell at my family? They don’t even know the plays. 😂 0142
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026Halloween for Gen X kids: plastic masks, pillowcases, no adult supervision, and a haunted house in somebody's garage where the dad in the lawn chair got you every single year. Exhibit A is attached. One of us was thrilled. One of us had concerns. bitedraft.com/blog/gen-x-h...bitedraft.comGen X Halloween: What It Was Like in the '70s and '80sPlastic masks, pillowcases, razor blade warnings, and the haunted house in somebody's garage. What Halloween was really like for Gen X kids. 1121
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 08/10/2026ME: I’m a little drunk. HER: I know. ME: You’re very beautiful. HER: Thank you. ME: Do I look okay naked? HER: You do. ME: Do you like my penis? HER: It’s very nice. ME: Big, too. HER: Yes it is. ME: What now? HER: I have to call the police. ME: Why? HER: Starbucks policy, sir. 916627
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026“I was home. I have never been more home.”bitedraft.comYour Package Is Arriving Today and Other Works of FictionLabel created. Out for delivery. Delivery attempted. A dry look at package tracking updates and the thirteen hours of waiting they leave out. 2202
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 27/05/2026“Yes, can I help you?” “Evening, neighbor. I just wanted to remind you that garbage pickup is tomorrow, and you seem to have forgotten to put your cans out.” 641467
Reposted by Candy ElliottDanny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 11/06/2026The coffee cake mini muffins are so small and the day ahead is so long. 05517
Reposted by Candy ElliottRealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · 11/06/2026Messy house? Having guests? Tell them you’re teaching the kids to clean up on their own, and in an instant you’ll go from “lazy slob” to “model parent” 1116
Reposted by Candy ElliottDaisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 18/09/2026My dream guy is Chewbacca. He’s tall, has great hair and doesn’t talk much 2823473
Reposted by Candy ElliottKatie Didn’t @porkchophair.bsky.social · 14/09/2025*crosses Velcro shoes into an X to feel wild again* 522163
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 06/10/2026i've seen some terrible puns but this is really the last straw 1932661
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026Nothing makes me want to keep an item more than finding out I have to print something to return it. 16118
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026An American city shouldn’t have to vote for you to deserve your protection. The applause is the part I can’t get past. Credit: @covie93.bsky.social 0133
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026When I tell my husband I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. No need to remind me every six months. 14212
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Not to brag, but I know how to spell “United States.” 1183
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I’m so sorry it’s been so hard. Sending you love and a big hug. 💜 110
Reposted by Candy ElliottCandy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026All the conversation about sexual assault has been triggering for me. I’m thinking about all the women who might be feeling it, too. These conversations matter, but they can bring back so much pain. Sending you love and support. 7303
Reposted by Candy ElliottCandy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I think of the women who question whether what happened “counts.” A date or partner wore them down, guilted them, or made them afraid to say no. Giving in under pressure isn’t freely given consent. How many women have blamed themselves or never told anyone because it happened with someone they knew? 082
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I think of the women who question whether what happened “counts.” A date or partner wore them down, guilted them, or made them afraid to say no. Giving in under pressure isn’t freely given consent. How many women have blamed themselves or never told anyone because it happened with someone they knew? 082
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026All the conversation about sexual assault has been triggering for me. I’m thinking about all the women who might be feeling it, too. These conversations matter, but they can bring back so much pain. Sending you love and support. 7303
Reposted by Candy ElliottJulie J @j1j2.bsky.social · 29/09/2026TY @abbarsha.bsky.social @hengel1615.bsky.social @pattyger.bsky.social @ltwlauren.bsky.social @mleeds2048.bsky.social @mfcarter.bsky.social @sixfootcandy.bsky.social @santinimore.bsky.social @djmabeizy.bsky.social @rabar9.bsky.social @vivalasocialista.bsky.social 273
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 29/09/2026“Thomas, Albert and I will take tea in the library.” “Very good, sir.” “Also, please see if Mrs. Wickham still has any of those delightful salmon biscuits.” “Of course, sir.” 929964
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Yes, I know the picture is AI slop. I used AI. I make 99% of my artwork myself, but sometimes a girl’s got three jobs and needs a little help getting something posted. So kindly back off. 070
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026“I have no idea” sounds unprofessional. “We’re exploring our options” sounds like you have a team and a budget. On the BiteDraft blog: “The Art of Saying Absolutely Nothing in a Very Professional Way.” Read it here: bitedraft.com/blog/blog-fu... We can circle back about your thoughts.bitedraft.comCorporate Jargon: The Art of Saying Absolutely NothingFrom “let’s circle back” to “we’re exploring our options,” professional language has perfected the art of using more words to say considerably less. 170
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Getting older is mostly discovering new and completely ridiculous ways to injure yourself. 23313
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026My anxiety has never once fixed a problem, but I admire its commitment to the project. 08923
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I heard someone refer to hooking up with an older person as “antiquing,” so apparently I’ve appreciated in value. 1246
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I tried to kick a stray dryer sheet off my slipper mid-stride, caught the doorway molding, and basically curtsied directly into a laundry basket. 3143
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I love how as an adult, the consequence of doing too much is pain and exhaustion, but the consequence of doing nothing is also pain and exhaustion. 1020664
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026The audacity of my husband asking if I ate the last cookie while sitting there with chocolate on his lip. First of all, wipe your face. Second, that’s my move. 0111
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026IMPORTANT: VoteSafe.org is not a government website. It’s run by Elon Musk’s America PAC and collects a disturbing amount of your personal information. If you want to check your voter registration, use the actual government website: Vote.gov. Please pass this on.vote.govRegister to vote in your state | Vote.govFind the information you need to make registration and voting easy. Official voter registration website of the United States government. 0185
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Everyone needs to watch James Talarico’s interview with Jimmy Kimmel on YouTube tonight and SHARE IT EVERYWHERE. The FCC threatened ABC, and the interview was pulled from television. Call it what it is. Authoritarian censorship. 0196
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I like that, and I can not lie. 32938121
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 01/07/2025“I know you think you’re being funny, but honestly Dave, it’s just hurtful.” 319184111989
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 09/09/2026One minute, you’re young and carefree. The next, you’re saying things like, “Let’s just get there early and park close.” 510924
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Marriage is asking your spouse to hide the sweets from you until the weekend and then being genuinely offended when he commits to the assignment. 0308
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I’ve reached the age where “doing nothing” is a valid and exciting weekend plan. 1319245
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 01/09/2026If I'm the only person in a public restroom and you choose the stall directly next to me, I'm going to need to know more about your decision-making process. 281
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 31/08/2026Nothing has worked harder in the past few weeks than my air conditioner. She’s one heat wave away from filing for workers’ comp. 0122
Reposted by Candy ElliottUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 28/08/2026"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this." 412652472
Reposted by Candy ElliottMarl @marlebean.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Fast and Furious: My Period Cycle 16722
Candy Elliott @sixfootcandy.bsky.social · 28/08/2026A friend asked me to recommend a dinner spot that could accommodate their “elderly” parents. They’re 50. 50! I am currently picking out my casket. 4172